The Intimacy of a Handwritten Note

As a child, I had many penpals. At one point when I was in elementary school, I had a penpal in nearly every state. I learned about the differences that form the fabric of the United States. Later, in high school, I had penpals in France, Germany, Mexico, and India. I learned about cross-cultural differences and practiced using the languages I was studying: French, German, Spanish. Writing the letters, putting them in an envelope, putting a stamp on the envelope, stuffing the letter into the mailbox, and then waiting for a response provided entertainment, suspense, and charm that does not seem to be reflected in today's world of the electron.

Today I do not have penpals. Rather, having worked in 24 countries, I have friends all over the world. I can practice Arabic with friends in Jordan, Lebanon, Syria, Qatar, Egypt, and Bahrain; Russian with friends in Russia, Ukraine, Turkmenistan, Uzbekistan, and Moldova; Spanish with friends in Ecuador (and the USA for that matter); Portuguese with friends in Brazil; German with friends in Germany and Austria; and so on and so forth. In some cases, as is the situation with friends in Cambodia and Thailand, where I do not speak the local language, my friends get to practice their English with me. Our words fly back and forth instantaneously, and there are times that we are on line (Skype, Facebook, gmail, etc.) at the same time and can IM each other or even, as in the case of Skype, see each other as we talk aloud. It is, indeed, a brave new world.

Still, I miss the charm of the handwritten letter. I rarely see a handwritten letter these days, but occasionally, very occasionally (as in once a year or so), one finds its way into my mailbox. When I pull these letters out, I feel another attribute beyond charm. Let me explain by describing two "correspondents" of recent years.

(1) A couple of years ago, after reading every one of Fr. Thomas's books that I could get my hands on (you can find a tally on the reading list I maintain on Mahlou Musings), I wrote to Fr. Thomas. What prompted me to do so was his book, Authenticity: A Biblical Theology of Discernment, that helped me to understand much better the locutions I have experienced and to know what to do about them. As I described in the post that contained his obituary, Sad News: Fr. Thomas Dubay, I typed a letter with reactions and questions and sent it to him. In near-immediate response, I received my letter back with handwritten comments on my comments and suggested answers on my questions. It was a shaky hand and a sincere one.

(2) A couple of months ago, a friend suggested that I write to Fr. Terry, my former 83-year-old de facto spiritual advisor/director, who had been transferred to a town on the other side of the mountains about an hour away and whom I missed, not having found anyone else in whom I could share some of the spiritual "oddities" that occur in my life. So, I typed off a two-pager, and off it went while I went off to Afghanistan. Upon return, I found a letter in my mailbox, addressed to me in shaky penmanship. It was from Fr. Terry. We have since been in additional correspondence about each other's lives, as well as spiritual matters, and Fr. Terry offered to drive over the mountain to have lunch together this coming Friday, which we shall indeed do. I am happy to be back in contact with Fr. Terry, even if only in slow-mail, handwritten mode. Fr. Terry has not fully entered the e-age. Perhaps he never will. It does not matter. If I have to wait for a handwritten response, that only increases the charm -- and suspense of the correspondence. His notes arrive in my mailbox in a shaky hand and a loving one.

There is much that the handwritten note gives away beyond its factual contents; factual contents could have taken e-format but the emotional content is often conveyed not in words but in the way the ink is laid down upon the paper. In the way the letters are made, one can see the character of the writer -- urgent, leisurely, tenative, bold, loving, sincere... In the smoothness or lack thereof of the pen strokes, one can sense the age of the writer. There is far more than just old-world charm in the handwritten letter. There is an intimacy of personal revelation that one cannot avoid as the hand of the writer guides the pen in drawing word-pictures for the reader. One cannot but feel the touch of the writer's hand.

Sad News: Fr. Thomas Dubay

I have mentioned Fr. Thomas Dubay's publications a number of times on this blog, and they are in my recommended reading list. For me, his works have been my sanity checks and mainstay when it comes to dealing with the mystical experiences that have come my way. About two years ago, after a string of locutions and having just finished reading his book, Authenticity, I wrote to Fr. Thomas to tell him how helpful I had found that book (probably not one of his most popular because it is directed to those people who have experienced sound, voice, touch, and, as I have found over the past four years, they are not found in every pew in the church). I also told him of some of my experiences, of the details of my quest to determine their authenticity, and of some of my questions and concerns. I did not ask for a response and did not expect one. Nonetheless, a few weeks later, I received handwritten comments on my letter from Fr. Thomas, who apologized for the format but said that he had just arrived from another trip, was tired, and wanted nonetheless to respond to my note immediately. He told me that he thought that my experiences, as described, were likely authentic and why, commented on my comments, and suggested some answers to my questions. His letter gave me greater confidence in moving more deeply into contemplation and not pulling away from God at the most intimate moments.

Fr. Thomas passed away this weekend, and his passing feels like a personal loss. I will now treasure those handwritten notes even more. If you have not read Fr. Thomas's books, please find some time to do so. They are, for me, second only to The Cloud of Unknowing/The Book of Privy Counseling on the list of books to which I am addicted.

The following is from the Little Sisters of the Poor in Washington, D.C., who cared for Father Dubay during his final days; I have blatantly "stolen" (borrowed?) this information from his publisher and am certain that the publisher will be happy to have the word spread.

Rev Thomas Dubay, SM
RIP September 26, 2010

From Washington, DC:
This morning at 4:45, the Lord welcomed into His Kingdom Rev Thomas Dubay, SM, after suffering kidney failure and massive bleeding in the brain. Father’s frail health had been declining ever since his admission to the Little Sisters of the Poor home in Washington more than a year ago, but his suffering was even more noticeable in recent months. Despite this fact, Fr Dubay was just as witty as ever.

When Father’s superior, Fr. Bruce Lery, SM, called the Little Sisters on Sunday morning to tell them, he said, "We have a saint in heaven" –how true! Fr. Dubay was hospitalized about a month ago and then transferred to a rehabilitation facility for specialized treatments but his health was steadily declining. Yesterday he was re-admitted to the hospital with bleeding in the brain, and he was put in coronary intensive care. Although the ventilator was removed, he continued to breathe on his own.

Although he suffered from his loss of independence, he was happy to concelebrate Mass almost every day in the chapel of the Little Sisters Home in the shadow of the National Shrine of the Immaculate Conception in our nation’s capital.

The Marist priests and brothers visited him almost daily, and Father depended very much on his superior, Fr. Bruce, who was always there for him. In a few words, Fr. Dubay literally practiced what he preached! Father was happy to give weekly classes to the Little Sister postulants –classes which he enjoyed as much as they! From his room, Father continued his spiritual direction with many persons who called on him and this also was extended to letter writing.

We can render prayers of thanksgiving for the wonderful support Father gave to religious communities spending a good part of his life giving conferences and retreats. Although his preaching and spiritual direction was delivered to contemplative communities, his teaching was not for them alone. Religious the world over benefitted of his spiritual wisdom and guidance for years. He will be sorely missed. May he rest in peace after leading so many souls to true spiritual peace during his lifetime! The opening prayer of today’s liturgy says it all: “Help us hurry toward the Eternal Life you promise and come to share in the joys of your kingdom”.

For more about Fr. Dubay's writings and work, see his author page at Ignatius Insight.

My note: Many have said that Fr. Thomas Dubay is one of the greatest spiritual directors and writers of our day. I believe it.