Another goodie from the Internet. I usually don't care for redneck jokes, but, as a former Army officer, this particular letter tickled me. Hope you enjoy it!
Dear Ma and Pa,
I
am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine
Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up
quick before all of the places are filled.
I
was restless at first because you get to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m.
But I am getting so I like to sleep late. Tell Walt and Elmer all you
do before breakfast is smooth your cot, and shine some things. No hogs
to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay.
Practically nothing.
Men
got to shave but it is not so bad, there's warm water. Breakfast is
strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but
kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie and
other regular food, but tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by the
two city boys that live on coffee. Their food, plus yours, holds you
until noon when you get fed again. It's no wonder these city boys can't
walk much.
We
go on 'route marches,' which the platoon sergeant says are long walks
to harden us. If he thinks so, it's not my place to tell him different. A
'route march' is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city
guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks.
The
sergeant is like a school teacher. He nags a lot. The Captain is like
the school board. Majors and colonels just ride around and frown. They
don't bother you none.
This
next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting medals for
shooting. I don't know why. The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk
head and don't move, and it ain't shooting at you like the Higgett boys
at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You
don't even load your own cartridges They come in boxes.
Then
we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training. You get to wrestle
with them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they break real
easy. It ain't like fighting with that ole bull at home. I'm about the
best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from over in Silver
Lake. I only beat him once ... He joined up the same time as me, but I'm
only 5'6' and 130 pounds and he's 6'8' and near 300 pounds dry.
Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellers get onto this setup and come stampeding in.
Your loving daughter ,
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