100th Lamb

Would you run from church if this happened?

2012-02-21T17:50:00.000-08:00

Another goodie from the Internet that landed in my email inbox today:

One Sunday morning during service, a 2000-member congregation was surprised to see two men enter, both covered from head to toe in black and carrying submachine guns. One of the men proclaimed, "Anyone willing to take a bullet for Christ, remain where you are."

Immediately,

... the choir fled

... the deacons fled

... and most of the congregation fled.

Out of the 2,000, there remained only 20.

The man who had spoken took off his hood. He then looked at the preacher and said, "Okay, pastor, I got rid of all the hypocrites. Now you may begin your service. Have a nice day!"

And the two men turned and walked out.

Monday Morning Meditation #115: About Misery

2012-02-20T17:41:00.002-08:00

Good golly, it is closer to Monday evening than Monday morning. This morning I was completely exhausted and zonked out in my hotel bed, which, just a tad earlier, I was certain that I would never see. Because we had a "security concern" on my plane from San Jose (turns out to be the guy sitting right in front of me and with whom I had exchanged some pleasant words -- pretty sure he was not really a security concern and even the police who removed him said after the fact that there had been no real problem but nonetheless he would not be allowed to fly that day), I missed my connection in Phoenix, which caused me to miss my connection in Charlotte, which, in turn, caused me to arrive in Fayetteville significantly after midnight. I had planned to take a cab, but there was no cab in sight. I called the All American cab company, whose card was at the taxi post (but no person was there). The dispatcher said he had no intention of sending a cab to the airport -- too far, too late. I found the number of Currie cab whose dispatcher promised to send someone and gave me a number to call if no one showed up in ten minutes. No one showed up in ten minutes, so I called that number, which, it turns out, was the number for Yellow Cab. By then, it was getting quite late, and everyone had left the airport except me. Yellow Cab promised to send a cab in 10-15 minutes. None arrived. I called back and was told another 5 minutes. After three more calls and being told "any minute" now, one finally arrived. The police officer who was supposed to lock up the airport an hour earlier kindly waited with me until the cab arrived. I reached the hotel at 2:00 in the morning, only to get up and find the person I was to meet missing. It turns out I was at the wrong hotel! So, I had to pack up and move out to another hotel. I think everything is back on track now. (I hope.)

Anyway, I finally (quite late) was able to settle in and read further in Micah. Moving into Chapter 7, I had to laugh when I found the following written:

¹ What misery is mine!
I am like one who gathers summer fruit
at the gleaning of the vineyard;
there is no cluster of grapes to eat,
none of the early figs that I crave.

After relating that litany of "misery" and then reading the verse about "misery," I had to admit that my life, by comparison to what befell the Israelis (even if admittedly through their own fault much of the time), is full of joy, not misery. After all, I did find a cab (was not left abandoned or on foot), and I did find a bed (albeit at the wrong hotel).

Reading: Micah 7:1

Meditation: I am going to move away from the literal text of Micah and reflect on my position as an American. Times are difficult, especially economically, in the United States, and while I have not been affected as severely as most people, my friends, family, and I have not been left untouched. Still, it is a matter of degree and of comparison, as well as of expectation. Most Americans (with some exceptions) are in better shape than people in some of the third-world countries I have visited. Yet, it seems that it is human nature to want more than we have and to blame God for not taking care of us when our lot in life changes. (Makes one think of Job and how he continued to praise God, no matter what. That is hard to do, isn't it?)

I have been worried about two friends who recently have ended up in financially difficult situations. Both strong believers, they have seen their faith tested by this unexpected, rapid, and severe reverse in fortunes. I would like to be able to help them, but they have pulled away from those with faith and have indicated a desire to "handle" their situation on their own. Not knowing whether or not they are serious about being alone, I have pushed a little in both cases, only to be repulsed. So, I do the best thing I can do: I pray for them.

Contemplation: That is far as I can go with you this Monday morning. I now retire to private prayer to praise God for being with us even when we do not know it or will not accept it, even when we blame Him for troubles that He never caused. I will thank God for giving us challenges for it is through meeting and overcoming challenges that we grow. I will, of course, also Him to be with my friends and to repent for any times I may have caused Him sorrow by blaming Him for any of my sorrow. Then I will move on to contemplation, my favorite part of the day, letting God take over the direction in which my relationship with Him moves.

I will leave you now to your prayer and contemplation. First, though, I would like to bring to your attention a Monday morning prayer post that you might enjoy:

Fr. Austin Fleming, priest of the Archdiocese of Boston and pastor in Concord, Massachusetts, posts a prayer each Monday morning that he calls "Monday Morning Offering." I enjoy his prayers very much. I think you also will find them inspirational. He has graciously given me permission to include a link to his blog on my Monday Morning Meditation posts. (During the week, he also posts great homilies and other thoughtful discussions. I enjoy reading those, too, as do readers of this blog who have taken the stroll over to his blog.)

For additional inspiration throughout the week, I would point out two sets of blogs: (1) the list of devotional blogs on my sidebar and (2) my blogroll, where I am following a number of inspirational priests and writers about spiritual matters. I learn so very much from all these people. I highly recommend them to you.

Small Touches of Divine Assistance

2012-02-18T11:01:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, I had an early appointment at headquarters. I left home in adequate time to arrive promptly, but not extremely early. After all, it is nearly an hour's drive to headquarters from San Ignatio. (Thank God, my office is not at headquarters but considerably closer to SI.)

As I reached the town in which our headquarters is located, I suddenly realized that I would not be let into the company parking lot. I purchased a new car a couple of weeks ago, and I had not yet had time to get a company decal. Badges and decals are required. There are no exceptions.

So, I planned to park outside the gates. I went up a back road to avoid lights because I needed to gain a little time, now that I would have about a ten-minute walk to reach the security gates from wherever I could find street parking. Happy that there was a lot of space along the street, I parked, locked the car, and happily scampered around the corner that would lead to headquarters. After walking 3-4 blocks, I realized I had parked half-way down the hill, not at the top of the hill, and my walk was now 20 minutes, not 10, and all steeply up an incline that does not quite rival Lombardo Street in SF but comes close.

Huffing and puffing as I scurried uphill as quickly as I could, with gravity yanking me a few inches backwards for every foot I traveled, I stopped to catch my breath. A car pulled up beside me, down came its window, and a familiar voice called out, "Mah'am, what are you doing walking?"

It was a Sudanese employee who had transferred to headquarters, with my help, a couple of months ago. I had not seen him since, and he was clearly late for work. Nonetheless, he took me straight to the front door of the building in which I had my appointment, and I arrived exactly on time!

Love those little daily miracles that tell me that God is indeed keeping an eye out for me!

Monday Morning Meditation: An Apology

2012-02-13T06:40:00.000-08:00

I am traveling all day today, starting very early in the morning and not arriving until tomorrow. :(

Therefore, I ask those who drop by for the MMM to go to last week's post and follow the links to others who post meditations or the equivalent for Monday morning, e.g. Fr. Austin in Boston.

Have a great day and week! (I will be back home on Thursday evening, but may, God willing, be able to post while traveling once I settle in.)

Monday Morning Meditation #114: What God Requires from Us

2012-02-06T09:01:00.000-08:00

This week's MMM comes in the middle of a fast-and-furious travel schedule. (You may have noticed that I missed posting any Quick Takes on Friday. There was a good reason for that.) Last week I split my time between San Angelo, Texas and Omaha, Nebraska, flying in, out, and through Dallas and experiencing some exciting flights: (1) a roller coaster ride from San Angelo to Dallas, thanks to lightning dashing around outside the plane and a sky pockmarked with rain-filled cumulus clouds, and (2) a missed flight from Phoenix, thanks to a flight from Omaha being held on the tarmac while we were de-iced three times and the runway plowed twice before the tower would let us leave. While it is good to be home, if only for a few hours, the fact that I have to leave again today means that I am having to squeeze other activities and, unfortunately, prayer time in between the clothes laundering and re-packing.

This week I continued reading Micah. Moving into Chapter 6, I found the following written:

³ “My people, what have I done to you?
   How have I burdened you? Answer me.
⁴ I brought you up out of Egypt
   and redeemed you from the land of slavery.
I sent Moses to lead you,
   also Aaron and Miriam.
⁵ My people, remember
   what Balak king of Moab plotted
   and what Balaam son of Beor answered.
Remember your journey from Shittim to Gilgal,
   that you may know the righteous acts of the LORD.”
⁶ With what shall I come before the LORD
   and bow down before the exalted God?
Shall I come before him with burnt offerings,
   with calves a year old?
⁷ Will the LORD be pleased with thousands of rams,
   with ten thousand rivers of olive oil?
Shall I offer my firstborn for my transgression,
   the fruit of my body for the sin of my soul?
⁸ He has shown you, O mortal, what is good.
   And what does the LORD require of you?
To act justly and to love mercy
   and to walk humbly with your God.

These verses resonated pretty strongly with me. I often hear people talking about how to appease God. That thought never entered my mind perhaps because I am a convict who came into Catholicism as a result of a personal relationship with God and not the other way around. Obviously, though, that thought was strong among the Israelites who early on thought that they have to make sacrifices to keep their god happy. Now that Jesus has cleared up the ambiguity by serving as the sacrificial lamb itself, the need for sacrifice is one thought we Christians, unlike our Muslim and Jewish brethren, can put out of our minds.

Reading: Micah 6:3-8

Meditation: God has done as much for us today, in a way befitting today's world, as God did for the Israelites of the past. Might God not, then, ask the same question of us that he asked of the Israelites? Have I not helped you? When have I abused you? When have I made life difficult for you? Obviously, God has made certain that our spiritual burden is light, requiring no sacrifice from us but simply asking that we act justly, love mercy, and follow in God's footsteps. Other than that little thing being a darn hard thing to do, God has indeed acted justly with us and showered us with mercy.

For this day, I challenge you to list all the times that God has shown you mercy. (I know I would run out of paper -- and the mercy has not come deservedly but in spite of my lack of deserving it.) I also challenge you to see God's mercy in as much of its fullness as you can. Of course, it is difficult to see, let alone accept, God's mercy when it is directed at someone we don't think deserves it. It is difficult in such cases to keep an objective perspective and realize that everyone is in need of God's mercy, that we are not their judges, and that we should be glad that God will equally shower us with mercy as long as we try to follow the Divine path.

Contemplation: That is far as I can go with you this Monday morning. I now retire to private prayer to praise God for the ability to generate endless mercy and to thank God for the great amounts of mercy he has showered up me, often when I have least deserved it. I will also ask God to remind remind me when I step away from the path that Jesus forged (which is often because it is so easy to slip onto one of the byways of contemporary life) and, in fact, to help all others who stray unwillingly or do not notice that they have strayed. Then I will move on to contemplation, my favorite part of the day, letting God take over the direction in which my relationship with Him moves.

I will leave you now to your prayer and contemplation. First, though, I would like to bring to your attention a Monday morning prayer post that you might enjoy:

Fr. Austin Fleming, priest of the Archdiocese of Boston and pastor in Concord, Massachusetts, posts a prayer each Monday morning that he calls "Monday Morning Offering." I enjoy his prayers very much. I think you also will find them inspirational. He has graciously given me permission to include a link to his blog on my Monday Morning Meditation posts. (During the week, he also posts great homilies and other thoughtful discussions. I enjoy reading those, too, as do readers of this blog who have taken the stroll over to his blog.)

For additional inspiration throughout the week, I would point out two sets of blogs: (1) the list of devotional blogs on my sidebar and (2) my blogroll, where I am following a number of inspirational priests and writers about spiritual matters. I learn so very much from all these people. I highly recommend them to you.

Spiritual Sunday #40: "The Stranger Within Our Gates"

2012-02-05T10:55:00.000-08:00

For more Spiritual Sunday posts, I recommend that you wander over to the website of Charlotte and Ginger, who host the Spiritual Sunday meme.

Because I do not blog on Sundays -- keeping it as the sabbath, a practice started by Fr. Christian Mathis (Blessed Is the Kingdom) -- I usually use older posts (forgotten perhaps but hopefully still interesting) from one or another of my blogs that seem appropriate for this meme. It seems to work to bring out the older posts that many have not read before or ones from other blogs I maintain that readers of 100th Lamb may not know about.

This week, however, I decided to share with you the delightful verse I found last night on my pillow at the Omaha Doubletree, as I returned from a day of work in Nebraska (business trip) and was prepared to pack up for a very early morning departure:

In ancient times there was a prayer for 'The Stranger Within Our Gates'

Because this hotel is a human institution to serve people and not solely a money-making organization, we hope that God will grant you peace and rest while you are under our roof.

May this room and hotel be your "second" home. May those you love be near you in thoughts and dreams. Even though we may not get to know you, we hope that you will be comfortable and happy as if you were in your own house. May the business that brought you our way prosper. May every call you make and every message you receive add to your joy. When you leave, may your journey be safe.

We are all travelers. From "birth till death" we travel between eternities. May these days be pleasant for you, profitable for society, helpful for those you meet, and a joy to those who know and love you best.

Wishing you a peaceful Sunday!

Monday Morning Meditation #113: We Sometimes Have More in Common with False Prophets Than We Would Like to Admit

2012-01-30T09:46:00.000-08:00

This week's MMM will have to be brief for two reasons: insufficient time to write much and physical difficulty in writing. We are in the enviable position of having a vet, who lives right here in San Ignatio, who makes house calls. This is especially helpful since two of our cats, Intrepid and Simone, were feral and when caged and taken to the vet's office become feral again. In fact, the only time we have been able to take Simone is when I first caught her. We needed to know that she was free of disease. She was, but the vet got bitten finding that out. Trep (Intrepid) has never been quite as much of a problem. While he will sleep next to us or on top of us and often wants to be petted, he always determines when that will be -- we have no say in it -- and he hates to be held. It is fully impossible to hold him for more than a few seconds. Yet, because he does cuddle, on his volition, we have ceased to think of him as feral. Yesterday, we were vividly reminded of that when he clawed my left forearm into shreds as the vet tried to clip his nails. The vet fixed me up as best as she could, but I do need to have a human doctor look at me as soon as the clinic opens this morning. So, limited time unfortunately for MMM today. I am sure God understands.

This week I continued reading Micah. Moving into Chapter 3, in verse 5 I found the following written:

“As for the prophets
who lead my people astray,
they proclaim ‘peace’
if they have something to eat,
but prepare to wage war against anyone
who refuses to feed them."

Hm, I continue to find parallels with our society thousands of years later!

Reading: Micah 3

Meditation: The verse in Micah would seem to show that the prophets were focusing on themselves, not on God. When all was well with them, they were happy. When they had problems, they set off to pass their problems onto someone else (i.e. create war) rather than to turn to God. I guess that would be the first signal that they were false prophets.

And not just the false prophets. Don't we sometimes feel closest to God when we can see with our own eyes and feel with our own bellies that God is, indeed, taking care of us? When things go wrong, though, it becomes more difficult to maintain faith -- at the very time that we need our faith the most. Yet, we have the example of many martyrs and saints who grew closer to God in the bad times, who trusted God to bring meaning to those times and to take care of them in whatever way God chose to do that. These are good examples for us, and I find it comforting and inspiring to have them.

Contemplation: That is far as I can go with you this Monday morning. I now retire to private prayer to praise God being there with us even when we are not with him. I will ask forgiveness for any time that I have expected, wanted, or requested a lightening of any burden just because I thought I deserved better; after all, I really do know that what God ordains is what I should be grateful for, whatever that is. I will also ask God to remind me of this and to remind me through daily experienced that the unfortunate things that sometimes happen to us are not always bad in the long run. Then I will move on to contemplation, my favorite part of the day, letting God take over the direction in which my relationship with Him moves.

I will leave you now to your prayer and contemplation. First, though, I would like to bring to your attention a Monday morning prayer post that you might enjoy:

Fr. Austin Fleming, priest of the Archdiocese of Boston and pastor in Concord, Massachusetts, posts a prayer each Monday morning that he calls "Monday Morning Offering." I enjoy his prayers very much. I think you also will find them inspirational. He has graciously given me permission to include a link to his blog on my Monday Morning Meditation posts. (During the week, he also posts great homilies and other thoughtful discussions. I enjoy reading those, too, as do readers of this blog who have taken the stroll over to his blog.)

For additional inspiration throughout the week, I would point out two sets of blogs: (1) the list of devotional blogs on my sidebar and (2) my blogroll, where I am following a number of inspirational priests and writers about spiritual matters. I learn so very much from all these people. I highly recommend them to you.

7 Quick Takes Friday #70

2012-01-27T23:43:00.000-08:00

See more 7 Quick Takes Friday contributions at Jennifer Fulwiler's Conversion Diary.

The past week or so is probably best summarized as a series of time periods, overlapping. Some times have been interesting, others disconcerting, and yet others simply an example of the passage of time.

1. A time of accidents. Last week my co-catechist was enroute to our class when a drunk driver pulled out in front of her and she crashed into him, totalling her car and ending in the ditch. Fortunately, she was okay. Unfortunately, she had all our teaching materials with her, so I grabbed a movie from our shelves and after having the kids pray for her showed a movie, arranging the room like a movie theater. The experience was successful -- and we even rummaged chips and drinks from our supply cupboard. The movie was great, and I recommend it to all catechists: Joshua. I won't spoil the movie by relating the plot. This week it was my turn. My brakes did not hold in go-stop-go-stop traffic, and when I ended up in go mode and had to stop quickly, the brakes did not hold, and my car ended up pinned on the trailer hitch of the truck in front of me. Actually, it looked rather obscene. The car is fixable, but it will take a little time and cost a lot of money because I had the chutzpah to take a $1000 deductible. (Seemed reasonable at the time -- I had not been in an accident in twenty years.) The car has 200,000 miles on it, so tomorrow Donnie and I are driving to San Jose to look at a possible replacement car. A new car is not a bad consolation for the experience of an accident.

2. A time of tech! Oh, la, la! The technology that has penetrated my life this week! Bright and early Monday morning, my boss decided to call a web meeting. I came in early to make sure everything was set up alright. That was fortuitous. I had not used the web conferencing program for so long that my password had expired, and I had to ask our tech support folks to call over to the network administrator and have a new one assigned. Whew! I wiggled out of the unexpected Tuesday web conference by assigning it to two of my senior managers, who repeated my Monday experience since their passwords, too, had expired. On Wednesday, I drove to headquarters to attend the ribbon-cutting for our new fancy network (replacing our older, slower model). It was on the way back from there that I had my accident. Thursday morning was spent in flipping slides at a quarterly report-out to my boss. Low tech, not high tech, but tech nonetheless. Today, I got to see some really fancy social network developed by a local institute and being used in helpful ways to put severe limitations on local criminal activity -- pretty neat stuff and well worth the half-hour trip and trek (more trek than trip -- had a long, long walk from a distance parking lot).

3. A time of stress. Did I mention the slide-flipping presentation for my boss? We do this once a quarter. In fact, we call it the quarterly review and analysis, and each of my managers get to stand up and explain his or her accomplishments during the previous quarter. Failures must be analyzed and explained. Although I know my boss pretty well, I have never been able to predict just which items will become sticking points for him. The presentations always go well, in general, and so did this one. I try to ensure that by bringing in pastries and fruit. At least, if the presentation goes sour, there is something tasty in the room to balance the taste left in our mouths!

4. A time of busyness. The past month has been a very busy time. The amount of work this week, though, has been unprecedented -- or so it seemed. We had visitors who needed to be briefed every single day. Well, that is not so uncommon. Many days we have had a visitor in past times. However, this week we have had 2-3 every day. I had to hand off some of the briefings and meetings I would otherwise have liked to attend because I could not be in 2-3 places at the same time. So, I chose the ones that best fit my schedule rather than those that best fit my interest. It did not help that one of my key senior managers has been on a business trip this week and not available to help. Oh, well, as we say at my office, it is better to be overworked than to have no work at all! I also have to admit to some play time. The visitors were balanced with two lunar new year holiday parties. We have a Korean contingent and a Chinese contingent. Both celebrate the lunar new year with food and entertainment. I sent each home an hour early, so I was very popular this week. (At least, some folks got a little less stress than I.)

5. A time of planning. It is amazing that, given the intensity of each moment of the week, that I had any opportunity to think ahead and plan anything at all. However, Tuesday lunch was a wonderful respite: a move from thinking about the past (the quarterly review and analysis) and present (all the visitors and tech and accidents and the like) to some time spent thinking about the future. A colleague and I met for lunch at our favorite local Chinese restaurant and worked out plans to finish a book that I had drafted in 2003, that a publisher still wants, and that my colleague, now that she has completed her doctorate, would like to help me finish and, with her newfound knowledge, is able to do so. We are now trying to move ahead on fast forward, but that is probably more dream than reality. However, my Chinese fortune cookie did tell me that "a dream is about to become a reality."

6. A time of people. One would think that with all the "stuff" that was going on this week there would have been no time for people, but quite the opposite was true. People issues of all sorts sprang up. On Tuesday I had a mediation meeting with a judge with an employee from another division who wanted to sue our division for not hiring him. Happily, I was able to show beyond a shadow of a doubt that the decision was based on fair criteria, and the employee withdrew his lawsuit. Yes! Other situations, though, were not as happy. One employee whom I have known for years and with whom I have worked clsoely at some times in the past has become seriously ill but is unwilling to take the time off that he needs to get well, if getting well is possible, given that he is now elderly and struggling with diabetes and cancer. He has failed to show up for work, and when he has come in, he has been barely able to walk. We have no system that will force him to take care of himself, so his manager and I have been brainstorming some kind of compassionate approach to support him and still get the work done that needs to be accomplished. Then, two employees who had been fired by another division appealed to me through my boss for a second chance. I was able to accommodate one of them; I felt sorry for the other one because my managers could probably have trained her to work with our teams but I had no opening at all for her. This is not a good time to lose one's job. The saddest of all was my new deputy. He managed to work for me for all of two days, making me quite joyous because he is highly skilled and actually under-placed in my division. My boss's boss quickly realized this and took him to work with him. So, apparently, I will continue to be overworked until a suitable candidate can be found to replace my deputy who left in July. Sigh!

7. A time for critters. Yes, finally, some time to relax enough to enjoy the time with our cats: Murjan, Intrepid, and Simone. Time for a visit to the vet, which they absolutely hate. Simone once bit the vet in her fear. They don't like the carrier even though it is quite large, and often they will be cranky with each other for hours after they return. Vexed by being locked up, I guess. Well, happy surprise, a few weeks ago a new vet (well, the only vet we have) moved into town, and she does home visits. Yes! She came to our house and met our cats. She and Murjan did a fine job of bonding, and she was able to take of all his needs. However, Interpret and Simone did not want to have anything to do with her. She decided to give them some time, and she will come back tomorrow and finish up with their needs. It is so great not to have to pack up the cats and drag them off to a distant city!

Have a great weekend! I think I am going to have a busy one -- new car, insurance claim, vet, visiting Doah, Mass, and more. Still, a change of pace from work is always welcome! Wishing you all rest, peace, and happiness, at least for the next two days!

Letter Home from a Redneck Farm Kid in the Marine Corps

2012-01-24T08:18:00.000-08:00

Another goodie from the Internet. I usually don't care for redneck jokes, but, as a former Army officer, this particular letter tickled me. Hope you enjoy it!

Dear Ma and Pa,

I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before all of the places are filled.

I was restless at first because you get to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m. But I am getting so I like to sleep late. Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot, and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay.

Practically nothing.

Men got to shave but it is not so bad, there's warm water. Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie and other regular food, but tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by the two city boys that live on coffee. Their food, plus yours, holds you until noon when you get fed again. It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much.

We go on 'route marches,' which the platoon sergeant says are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it's not my place to tell him different. A 'route march' is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks.

The sergeant is like a school teacher. He nags a lot. The Captain is like the school board. Majors and colonels just ride around and frown. They don't bother you none.

This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting medals for shooting. I don't know why. The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk head and don't move, and it ain't shooting at you like the Higgett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You don't even load your own cartridges They come in boxes.

Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training. You get to wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they break real easy. It ain't like fighting with that ole bull at home. I'm about the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from over in Silver Lake. I only beat him once ... He joined up the same time as me, but I'm only 5'6' and 130 pounds and he's 6'8' and near 300 pounds dry.

Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellers get onto this setup and come stampeding in.

Your loving daughter ,

Alice

Monday Morning Meditation #112: Of What Does Justice Consist?

2012-01-23T00:05:00.000-08:00

A difficult weekend capped my difficult week. I almost never bring work home for the weekend. I am categorically against doing that. The weekend is my time with family and God. I will work very late into the evening, sometimes as late as midnight, in order to get all my work done and avoid bringing homework home. (Hm, I thought homework ended with one's school days, but clearly this is not the case.) So, after working until nearly midnight on Friday, I ended up with, sigh!, lots and lots of homework for the weekend. That left little time for anything this weekend except Mass on Saturday at our town's little mission you see here and on Sunday with Doah at a larger church in a nearby city, where he lives, and work, work, work. I am delighted, therefore, to find a few minutes for meditation Monday morning prior to the start of another brutal week.

The reading this week comes from the second chapter of Micah. It appears that this book is going to be rich in thought-provoking readings. At the beginning of this chapter, it is written:

¹ Woe to those who plan iniquity,
   to those who plot evil on their beds!
At morning’s light they carry it out
   because it is in their power to do it.
² They covet fields and seize them,
   and houses, and take them.
They defraud people of their homes,
   they rob them of their inheritance.

About this situation, God says that it cannot go on forever. He will ensure justice:

“I am planning disaster against this people,
   from which you cannot save yourselves.
You will no longer walk proudly,
   for it will be a time of calamity.
⁴ In that day people will ridicule you;
   they will taunt you with this mournful song:
‘We are utterly ruined;
   my people’s possession is divided up.
He takes it from me!
   He assigns our fields to traitors.’”

Oh, how like so many situations we encounter millennia later!

Reading: Micah 2

Meditation: These verses remind me of the question that my first-year confirmation students ask me in our religious education classes. First, they want to know the converse of the question raised and answered in these verses: Why do bad things happen to good people? (I have written about that topic at length on this blog and in my various publications.) Then, thinking a little longer on this topic, they want to know: Why do good things happen to bad people? I suppose most of us get a little irritated at times when those who do not love God or each other seem to be the ones who get ahead in this world. Why is God favoring these people, we wonder?

Micah poses what to me is an acceptable response. They are not being graced with anything special. They are taking it for themselves. Ultimately, if the continue to ignore and disrespect God, they will get their comeuppance. It is not up to us to judge them; God will judge them in His good time.

That is one part of the answer. Another part, it seems to me, can be presented through another question: Just what is it that they are receiving that we want? Getting ahead in this world? Is it this world where we want to be recognized and accepted and to which we contribute and for which contributions we are rewarded or is it that world, the Kingdom of God? Does it really matter how well another seems to fare in the Kingdom of Man? Of what is there to be envious in that case? I know how I would answer that question -- there is nothing for which to be envious. Let the rich have their earthly riches. It is the heavenly riches -- those that often appear in the form of poverty -- that bring the greatest blessings and, if we allow, the greatest joy.

Contemplation: That is far as I can go with you this Monday morning. I now retire to private prayer to praise God a kingdom in which the last are first and the first last. I will ask forgiveness for ever even thinking that getting ahead in this world in and of itself is something for which to strive. I will also ask God to remind me, whenever needed, which kingdom is the important one. Then I will move on to contemplation, my favorite part of the day, letting God take over the direction in which my relationship with Him moves.

I will leave you now to your prayer and contemplation. First, though, I would like to bring to your attention a Monday morning prayer post that you might enjoy:

Fr. Austin Fleming, priest of the Archdiocese of Boston and pastor in Concord, Massachusetts, posts a prayer each Monday morning that he calls "Monday Morning Offering." I enjoy his prayers very much. I think you also will find them inspirational. He has graciously given me permission to include a link to his blog on my Monday Morning Meditation posts. (During the week, he also posts great homilies and other thoughtful discussions. I enjoy reading those, too, as do readers of this blog who have taken the stroll over to his blog.)

For additional inspiration throughout the week, I would point out two sets of blogs: (1) the list of devotional blogs on my sidebar and (2) my blogroll, where I am following a number of inspirational priests and writers about spiritual matters. I learn so very much from all these people. I highly recommend them to you.

Spiritual Sunday #39: On the Unwiseness of Taking Things Back

2012-01-22T22:32:00.000-08:00

For more Spiritual Sunday posts, I recommend that you wander over to the website of Charlotte and Ginger, who host the Spiritual Sunday meme.

Because I do not blog on Sundays -- keeping it as the sabbath, a practice started by Fr. Christian Mathis (Blessed Is the Kingdom) -- I use older posts (forgotten perhaps but hopefully still interesting) from one or another of my blogs that seem appropriate for this meme. It seems to work to bring out the older posts that many have not read before or ones from other blogs I maintain that readers of 100th Lamb may not know about.

This week I have chosen a post from 2009, a lesson learned and re-learned and one I hope I will now always remember: On the Unwiseness of Taking Things Back.

Wishing you a peaceful Sunday!

Monday Morning Meditation #111: God's Love and Compassion Are Meant for All

2012-01-16T23:53:00.000-08:00

I cannot believe that I did not put this up in the morning. It was not a matter of time; I had seemingly plenty of it since I had the day off. Yippee! However, one thing after another came along -- Mass and post-Mass tea with a friend, editing an article for a young professional in Turkey (not sure how she found me; she popped up on my Facebook page a few months ago, asking me to friend her although I did not know her -- I sometimes do that with young professionals in my field), vet, home business requirements, taxes (yeah, gotta think about those now; I try to get them done early, but I don't always succeed), prayer group movie night (at my house -- so that requires scurrying around, making sure everything in the house sparkles, especially the bathrooms and picking up munchies at the store), laundry, and likely a lot more that I have already forgotten. Oh, and, of course, the tumble I took that laid me flat out on my back and temporarily knocked the wind out of me. Nothing broken or damaged, thank God. I did not forget the MMM, however, and so, assuming that the saying "better late than never" holds in this case, here it is.

The reading this week comes from the last chapter of Jonah, chapter 4. Jonah is, indeed, a short book, but for me, it is a powerful book. My life seems to have some parallels with Jonah, and I can certainly empathize with some of his feelings. Chapter 4 tells of Jonah's anger at God's compassion on the Ninevites, whose destruction he had been sent to preach, only to learn that God would not destroy them because they repented.

Reading: Jonah 4

Meditation: Last week, I commented about how my job situation had taken a path along the lines of Jonah's task to preach to the Ninevites. I have long been aware of that parallelism. However, I had not thought much about the conclusion to Jonah's story until I read it today. I really do understand Jonah's anger (or, at least, frustration). All that work -- and embarrassment -- for nothing!

Earlier the end of the story struck me as Jonah going off the deep end and being a selfish person. However, now that I have had so much contrary experience with the task of dealing with Adrian (as I pseudonymized the real person in my book, A Believer-in-Waiting's First Encounters with God), or Goliath, as I referred to him in earlier posts on 100th Lamb and Modern Mysticism. I seemed to be tasked with combatting the sense of evil that seemed always to surround Adrian, then was told to "love him," and the later he seemed to get off scot-free. (Sort of like when I was told my abusive mother "lives in grace.") Just like Jonah, I have had to come to terms with the reality that God gets to make the judgments, not I. (But, oh, how I would like to be the one to make them!)

Contemplation: That is far as I can go with you this Monday morning. I now retire to private prayer to praise God for love that goes beyond anything I can imagine. I will ask forgiveness for my petty reactions when I see such love being given to my nemeses and will give thanks for being gently guided into more proper thinking, as was Jonah. I will also ask God to readjust my attitude whenever a readjustment is needed. Then I will move on to contemplation, my favorite part of the day, letting God take over the direction in which my relationship with Him moves.

I will leave you now to your prayer and contemplation. First, though, I would like to bring to your attention a Monday morning prayer post that you might enjoy:

Fr. Austin Fleming, priest of the Archdiocese of Boston and pastor in Concord, Massachusetts, posts a prayer each Monday morning that he calls "Monday Morning Offering." I enjoy his prayers very much. I think you also will find them inspirational. He has graciously given me permission to include a link to his blog on my Monday Morning Meditation posts. (During the week, he also posts great homilies and other thoughtful discussions. I enjoy reading those, too, as do readers of this blog who have taken the stroll over to his blog.)

For additional inspiration throughout the week, I would point out two sets of blogs: (1) the list of devotional blogs on my sidebar and (2) my blogroll, where I am following a number of inspirational priests and writers about spiritual matters. I learn so very much from all these people. I highly recommend them to you.

Monday Morning Meditation #110

2012-01-09T00:30:00.000-08:00

Last Monday, I had a wonderful, leisurely day. This week, it appears, Monday will be a "gotcha" day -- don't plan to get much relaxation. The stress machine started on Friday evening when I had to work until 10:00 p.m., then realized that my purse was locked in the conference room, and it took me over half an hour to find a security officer to open the room for me since I made the discovery of not having the purse at the moment that both security officers took off on perimeter security duty, leaving the building empty for some time. (I was beginning to think I would have to spend the weekend there, but fortunately all ended okay. "Ending well" might be a bit of an overstatement.) For the first time in a long time, I brought work home. It is not yet finished, so am going in very early and am hoping that my deputy can handle my meetings so that I can finish the work (about 100 hours of work and two workdays to do it, plus what I could eke out this weekend, which was not much because on Friday my sister-in-law was diagnosed with Stage IV lung cancer, which has a very poor prognosis and has engendered much family discussion about how to be supportive).

So, with more than a little on my mind, I returned to Hosea, looking for some insights. However, I found nothing more there from what I have written about in earlier posts from Hosea, so I proceeded through Amos and then Obadiah. I guess, given the news of the weekend, I was looking for something other than the wrath of God against Israel although, of course, we can learn much from those early days. I found a different message in Jonah, one I have written about before but also one that is worth repeating.

Reading: Jonah 1-3

Meditation: The story of Jonah will also be special to me because I have lived the story of Jonah. God sent Jonah to Ninevah, but he did not want to go. Instead, he went off in another direction. Imagine his surprise when the whale threw him up on shore in exactly the place that God wanted him to be.

That is pretty much what happened to me. God wanted me in my present job, but I sought other jobs. All the doors were closed to me, including the job I had been holding. Then, after taking my present job, I sought a different job again and ended up among the top three candidates. Once again, that door was closed to me: the job was never filled. A third time, other, seemingly better, opportunities arose, but that time I knew better than to start down the path where God did not want me because, as God did with Jonah, I knew God would do with me -- send me right back where He wanted me. So, like Jonah ("Jonah obeyed the word of the LORD" - Jonah 3:3), I decided to obey, and I have not regretted it.

Contemplation: That is far as I can go with you this Monday morning. I now retire to private prayer to praise God for knowing better than I where I should be. I will ask forgiveness for all the times I tried to walk in the opposite direction and will give thanks for being brought back to where I needed to be -- three times. I will also ask God to continue to guide my steps because I do know that He knows best. Then I will move on to contemplation, my favorite part of the day, letting God take over the direction in which my relationship with Him moves.

I will leave you now to your prayer and contemplation. First, though, I would like to bring to your attention a Monday morning prayer post that you might enjoy:

Fr. Austin Fleming, priest of the Archdiocese of Boston and pastor in Concord, Massachusetts, posts a prayer each Monday morning that he calls "Monday Morning Offering." I enjoy his prayers very much. I think you also will find them inspirational. He has graciously given me permission to include a link to his blog on my Monday Morning Meditation posts. (During the week, he also posts great homilies and other thoughtful discussions. I enjoy reading those, too, as do readers of this blog who have taken the stroll over to his blog.)

For additional inspiration throughout the week, I would point out two sets of blogs: (1) the list of devotional blogs on my sidebar and (2) my blogroll, where I am following a number of inspirational priests and writers about spiritual matters. I learn so very much from all these people. I highly recommend them to you.

When Someone Kicks You, Still Your Leg

2012-01-07T16:54:00.000-08:00

I thought I might share, this sleepy Saturday, a vignette I just posted on Mahlou Musings. Here it is:

When someone kicks you, kicking back is not always the answer. Sometimes it seems that a nice swift kick, especially in a vulnerable spot, would garner a wonderful feeling. However, holding one's leg back from doing what it wants to do sometimes ends with even better results than any amount of revenge would have brought. In short, don't get mad, and don't get even: get what you want.

In my own life, I have written three doctoral dissertations in order to finally finish one doctoral degree. For one fabricated reason after another, my department chair did not accept the first two. (Rumor told me that he blamed me for his not being hired at the institute where I worked and had told one of the other graduate students that I would finish my degree only over his dead body -- a rumor that appeared to be true at face value although he would not state something like this publicly and I never cared enough to expend the effort to confirm the details. Since I was a slow learner, apparently, it took two dissertations for me to realize that perhaps the rumor was true and at the very least something was wrong.) I could have sued the university, had I had the inclination, money, and energy, and I might have won. I could have taken on the chair in other ways, but I did not. I chose to move on from a painful situation, still the leg that wanted to kick back, make my career through competent work and publication, and wait for serendipity to help with the dissertation and degree issue.

Many people along the way offered to help, and that made me feel validated. The department chair of another department at the same university wrote me a note of encouragement, suggesting that I complete the degree elsewhere and let her know when I could put the initials behind my name; that comment kept me going for years, and I was able eventually to let her know that she could, indeed, use those initials.

Colleagues treated me as if I had "punched" the dissertation ticket, and I have not been held back in my career. In fact, I would not trade my career for any other. For that reason, too, I have not felt the need for revenge. As for the dissertations I wrote, they proved useful in other ways -- another reason for not taking revenge.

The first dissertation topic was quite esoteric. I received a couple of fellowships to conduct the research for it in Siberia during the height of the Cold War, a time when Americans did not go to Siberia, least of all for research. I not only went there, but also I took my oldest daughter, Lizzie, with me. Through the years, the Siberian connection has been of professional and personal value. I have many friends there, have provided much consultation there, and was able to bring a child artist from there to the United States for medical treatment. If I had not worked on that dissertation, none of those connections would have been made. Besides, I made a conference presentation and published an article on the dissertation.

The second dissertation topic was less exciting, but it helped me land a dream job in my specialty, a job that most people get only at the end of their careers but which I got at the beginning of mine. Although my advisor never read the dissertation, it has been published piecemeal as several articles, presented at numerous conferences, and cited in the works of others. That is better than revenge.

The best outcome was that the trajectory of the kick landed me in an extraordinary position much later. I have now completed a third dissertation, this in in Russia, at a university that is better respected than my original university. Had either of the other two dissertations been read and processed, I would not have been eligible to do the later degree. Perhaps thanks to my earlier negative experience, I appreciated all the more the comment that was made by the department chair in Russia at the end of my dissertation pre-defense: "We don't know why you need us, but we feel fortunate that you came to us."

----

Excerpted and adapted from a collection of vignettes I published, copyright 2003.

Monday Morning Meditation #109: Whether We Know God Is With Us, God Loves and Helps Us

2012-01-02T10:17:00.001-08:00

How wonderful to wake up in the morning and know that you can sleep in as late as you would like on a Monday. It is a cloudy Monday morning. The view out my window stuns, as always, with its views of our valley even with the clouds above the mountains and the fog, not at all typical of our mornings in sunny San Ignatio, has quietly creeped into our valley, settling into every low cranny without overwhelming the views of the mission, Mexican-style single-floor houses, and mini-orchards of green trees, along with the three birches across the street below our driveway. A leisurely Monday morning meditation awaits, a rare pleasure.

So, I have return to Hosea, where I am still finding lessons for today's world. Amazing how the experiences of a civilization from centuries ago relate to the experiences of people today and likely to people in the future as well. Although it is a long passage, I am going to reprint here the verses in Hosea 11 that so strongly indicate the depth of God's love for Israel and by extension for us:

¹ “When Israel was a child, I loved him,
   and out of Egypt I called my son.
² But the more they were called,
   the more they went away from me.^[a]
They sacrificed to the Baals
   and they burned incense to images.
³ It was I who taught Ephraim to walk,
   taking them by the arms;
but they did not realize
   it was I who healed them.
⁴ I led them with cords of human kindness,
   with ties of love.
To them I was like one who lifts
   a little child to the cheek,
   and I bent down to feed them.
⁵ “Will they not return to Egypt
   and will not Assyria rule over them
   because they refuse to repent?
⁶ A sword will flash in their cities;
   it will devour their false prophets
   and put an end to their plans.
⁷ My people are determined to turn from me.
   Even though they call me God Most High,
   I will by no means exalt them.
⁸ “How can I give you up, Ephraim?
   How can I hand you over, Israel?
How can I treat you like Admah?
   How can I make you like Zeboyim?
My heart is changed within me;
   all my compassion is aroused.
⁹ I will not carry out my fierce anger,
   nor will I devastate Ephraim again.
For I am God, and not a man—
   the Holy One among you.
   I will not come against their cities.
¹⁰ They will follow the LORD;
   he will roar like a lion.
When he roars,
   his children will come trembling from the west.
¹¹ They will come from Egypt,
   trembling like sparrows,
   from Assyria, fluttering like doves.
I will settle them in their homes,”
   declares the LORD.

Reading: Hosea 11: 1-11

Meditation: I have seen verse 11:3 in a number of translations, which vary considerably. I suppose one might not pay much attention to individual words within one verse unless that verse were to have special meaning for oneself, as this verse has for me. After coming to faith, I found this verse and realized just how much it applied to my life. My sister, Danielle, confirmed it further when she told me about her childhood prayer, asking God to take care of us since our parents were unable to do that.

Another reading that I came across somewhat later reaffirms this verse in Hosea as well. Some of you may be quite familiar with it: The Hound of Heaven. Francis Thompson, like many of us, evaded God for many years, but, as with Israel, me, and so many others, God did not give up on him.

One of the things I notice in my daily life is that even though I know God is with me, there are times that I become too busy to notice. Yet, one is more important than the relationship with God. Of course, my family is important to me. So are my colleagues and my neighbors. What I sometimes forget is that I can love them and God simultaneously; in fact, loving them is a form of loving God. At the same time, forgetting that God is part of the equation is something that is too easy and something that should never happen. When it does, I regret the lost moments with God when, like Ephraim, I do not realize that it is God who is teaching me to walk.

Contemplation: That is far as I can go with you this Monday morning. I now retire to private prayer to praise God for all the ways in which He has been with me all my life. I will ask forgiveness for all the years that I ignored God and credited any good fortune to Lady Luck. I will also ask God to increase my awareness of His presence in my daily life and my gratitude for all that he has done for me. Then I will move on to contemplation, my favorite part of the day, letting God take over the direction in which my relationship with Him moves.

I will leave you now to your prayer and contemplation. First, though, I would like to bring to your attention a Monday morning prayer post that you might enjoy:

Fr. Austin Fleming, priest of the Archdiocese of Boston and pastor in Concord, Massachusetts, posts a prayer each Monday morning that he calls "Monday Morning Offering." I enjoy his prayers very much. I think you also will find them inspirational. He has graciously given me permission to include a link to his blog on my Monday Morning Meditation posts. (During the week, he also posts great homilies and other thoughtful discussions. I enjoy reading those, too, as do readers of this blog who have taken the stroll over to his blog.)

For additional inspiration throughout the week, I would point out two sets of blogs: (1) the list of devotional blogs on my sidebar and (2) my blogroll, where I am following a number of inspirational priests and writers about spiritual matters. I learn so very much from all these people. I highly recommend them to you.

Happy New Year! Welcome, 2012!

2012-01-01T09:33:00.000-08:00

Wishing one and all a blessed 2012, which has dawned bright and sunny here in San Ignatio. Along with it has arrived my first decision of the new year: whether or not to take revenge on Donnie.

As usual, Donnie and I had made plans to welcome in the new year with a mini-party. Some champagne. A few snacks. And Doah.

As usual, I feel asleep and became nigh onto comatose around 10:30. Doah lasted another hour, then toddled off to bed, emerging, according to Donnie, around 12:30 in the morning, like a groundhog on Feb. 2, saw his shadow, and scurried back to the bedroom.

As for me, I never did wake up. Donnie, ever the photographer -- and, in this case, as is typical of our New Year's eve celebrations, the lone celebrant -- took a picture of me zonked out on the couch and pasted it on Facebook. Of course, that brought it a lot of comments!

Now, he is sleeping in after all his heavy partying, and I am wide awake, greeting the sunny day and new year. Doah is dancing about, demanding breakfast, and I am ever so tempted to take a picture of Donnie, zonked out in bed, and paste it on Facebook!

Happy days and interesting decisions, my friends, I wish you in 2012!

(note: image from stunningmesh.com -- it stunned me; hope you like it)

7 Quick Takes Friday #69

2011-12-30T14:33:00.000-08:00

See more 7 Quick Takes Friday contributions at Jennifer Fulwiler's Conversion Diary.

I had not realized that two weeks had skipped away with nary a quick take. So, now I have the opportunity to pick and choose the high points and low points of the Christmas days.

1. (high point) I began the Christmas holidays with a remarkable blessing: an advent retreat at St. Francis Retreat Center, which is near my home. I had signed up for the retreat way back in September. Unfortunately, there were few takers. In fact, there was only one other person signed up. I assumed that the retreat would be canceled, but the director of the center decided that the retreat center staff, along with the friars, would benefit from an advent retreat. So, I had the wonderful opportunity to usher in the Christmas season in a very special way -- one of those ways in which God spoils me.

2. (low point) Not so promising was an encounter at work round about the same time. In leaving work in the glorious darkness, the security gates and I had an altercation, which I lost. The gates punished me by clipping off both my car mirrors. Fortunately, the security detachment helped me detach the hanging remains of the mirrors so that they would not beat in the wind against my windows, potentially breaking them. The next morning I drove my poor mirrorless car (sort of like a person without ears) to Firestone for repairs, expecting to pay a handsome sum for a handsome new set of ears since we carry a $1K deductible on our insurance policy. Well, it was a handsome sum: $600, but the timing was perfect for a "special" on our Firestone credit card, and we ended up with six months to pay off that handsome sum, interest-free. Once the car was repaired, I began driving it back to work, daring those security gates to take me on again. I have learned some better dodging maneuvers now, suggested by the head of security.

3. (high point) The Thursday before Christmas I began my holiday leave (that is another story, related below) and together with two friends traveled to a parish an hour away to visit our former parish priest, Fr. B, who has been an inspiration and de facto spiritual advisor for me for the past six years. (He was also the priest with whom I went through RCIA.) He has played an equally significant role in the lives of the two other women who traveled with me. So, we were all happy to be able to go to daily Mass and lunch with him. Imagine our surprise and delight, then, when right before Fr. B began to celebrate Mass, one of the nuns who serves with him, stood up and told all the assembled congregation that the very day we were there was the 55th anniversary of Fr. B's ordination! Definitely one of the high points of the Christmas season!

4. (low point) For the first time ever, we had a mouse in the house. It seems that our three cats enjoyed watching the live mouse (which turned out to be plural), but prefer to play with stuffed ones and and to eat dead (i.e. canned) ones. So we had to call past control. Since the mice have appeared, Murjan, our alpha cat, all 20 pounds of him, has taken to crawling into our laps, seeming to want protection. From the mouse, perhaps? I suppose this is the definition of "domesticated cat." When the pest control guy came by to pick up the trapped mice, I closed up our "delicate," domesticated cats in their playroom to avoid making them experience the trauma of seeing those poor mice carted off. (Actually, I was on the side of our cats, but Donnie says I am overly sensitive to the death of the unfortunate little mice who were only seeking warmth and food and unrealistic in expecting him to chase them back outside when they are faster than our cats.)

5. (high point) Obviously, the high point of anyone's Christmas is time spent with family: parents, siblings, kids, grandkids, significant others. For us, too. This year, though, was more complicated than most because the family is pretty spread out these days. We talked to siblings and in-laws in Pennsylvania by phone: every year they gather Christmas eve, and we participate through round-robin phone conversations. Lizzie and her significant other, who are in South Carolina, called into Pennsylvania as well. On Christmas Day, we picked up Doah and Noelle and spent the afternoon in a leisurely Christmas lunch/dinner at Denny's. (After all, no one would ever want to eat anything I might attempt to cook.) Two days later, we drove to Sacramento (a tad of a long drive since we live on the California central coast) to celebrate some more -- more eating, more playing -- with Shane, Lemony, and our grandkids. All in all, a good Christmas.

6. (low point) Although I did take vacation days, I was not able to begin them right away. Last minute issues at work kept pulling me in: decisions about year-end bonuses, several employees deciding to retire before year's end, and run-of-the-mill paperwork that took longer to get done because some of the people who needed to do it were ill and some had been granted vacation days before we knew that their help would be needed. While on vacation, I got an urgent call to prepare some data because higher headquarters on the East Coast had threatened to close down one of my major operations. Argh! At least, I could delegate the work to the division manager, but it was not a very good Christmas gift for him to know of this threat (still undecided) hanging over his head. As a result, I ended up with leftover vacation days for this year, and, not being able to take them into the next year (our office does not allow that), I asked our personnel officer to give me a list of sick employees who had used up all their sick and vacation days. I was able to help a half-dozen people with up to a week each of free hours. Yes! Now that was a Christmas gift for them -- and for me.

7. (high point) Right before Christmas, I had a neat surprise. Padre (Fr.) Julio called me. He had returned from Colombia for a week and would be in Salts for two days. Off Donnie and I went to the home of a mutual friend for a BBQ carne asada feast with padre and about a couple dozen other Por Amor friends stuffed real friendly-like into the mutual friend's small casa. (These are the people who have supported padre's successful efforts to bring education and work to rural kids with limited opportunities and a vulnerability to recruitment by insurgents; check out the link.) In the background the television, tuned to a Spanish channel, played the next installment of a miniseries on Pope Joan. (Google her: it is an interesting legend.) I commented to Donnie, as we drove home, that it had been a fun "bilingual" event. Donnie pointed out that it had not been exactly bilingual. Being the only non-Spanish speaker there, he had missed out on some of the jokes and other conversations although I tried to remember to translate, and padre did speak English with him. That was just a small thing, though. It was a delightful evening and a delightful surprise.

It has indeed been a relaxing and renewing Christmas season for me. In addition to the advent retreat, I have loved being able to attend daily Mass at Old Mission. Christmas Midnight Mass, about which I blogged earlier (see Merry Christmas, God Bless All) gathered together a full church of caroling parishioners, cats (Sula and Phinean) nestled in the creche, and crowing roosters in the courtyard. I hope your Christmas days have been as pleasant -- and I wish you a happy approaching new year.

A Little Boy's Explanation of God

2011-12-28T09:22:00.000-08:00

Another gem from the Internet:

This was written by an 8-year-old named Danny Dutton, who lives in Chula Vista, CA. He wrote it for his third grade homework assignment, to "explain God." Could anyone have done as well?

EXPLANATION OF GOD:

One of God's main jobs is making people. He makes them to replace the ones that die, so there will be enough people to take care of things on earth. He doesn't make grownups, just babies. I think because they are smaller and easier to make. That way he doesn't have to take up his valuable time teaching them to talk and walk. He can just leave that to mothers and fathers.

God's second most important job is listening to prayers. An awful lot of this goes on since some people, like preachers and things, pray at times beside bedtime. God doesn't have time to listen to the radio or TV because of this. Because he hears everything, there must be a terrible lot of noise in his ears unless he has thought of a way to turn it off.

God sees everything and hears everything and is everywhere which keeps Him pretty busy. So, you shouldn't go wasting his time by going over your mom and dad's head asking for something they said you couldn't have.

Atheists are people who don't believe in God. I don't think there are any in Chula Vista. At least, there aren't any who come to our church.

Jesus is God's Son. He used to do all the hard work, like walking on water and performing miracles and trying to teach the people who didn't want to learn about God. They finally got tired of him preaching to them and they crucified him. But he was good and kind, like his father, and he told his father that they didn't know what they were doing and to forgive them and God said O.K.

His dad (God) appreciated everything that he had done and all his hard work on earth so he told him he didn't have to go out on the road anymore. He could stay in heaven. So he did. And now he helps his dad out by listening to prayers and seeing things which are important for God to take care of and which ones he can take care of himself without having to bother God. Like a secretary, only more important.

You can pray anytime you want and they are sure to help you because they got it worked out so one of them is on duty all the time.

You should always go to church on Sunday because it makes God happy, and if there's anybody you want to make happy, it's God!

Don't skip church to do something you think will be more fun like going to the beach. This is wrong. And besides the sun doesn't come out at the beach until noon anyway.

If you don't believe in God, besides being an atheist, you will be very lonely, because your parents can't go everywhere with you, like to camp, but God can. It is good to know He's around you when you're scared, in the dark or when you can't swim and you get thrown into real deep water by big kids.

But...you shouldn't just always think of what God can do for you. I figure God put me here and he can take me back anytime he pleases.

And...that's why I believe in God.

I wonder if an adult could have come up with a better explanation!

The picture above is available as an oil painting from this website: Mike Ivey.

Monday Morning Meditation #108: Be Careful What You Love

2011-12-26T00:10:00.000-08:00

A little late in posting today. I pressed the wrong button, "Update blogger," and instantly my whole world changed. I have now had to spend more time than I had planned -- including a letter of complaint to Google for the instant user unfriendliness of blogger, at least in the learning of the new design -- exploring how to get the new features to do the things I am used to and need the program to do. Finally, after all that, I have actually figured out most of the new design and have decided that I like it. I just wish I could have come to like it on my own terms and not have to experience it by surprise. (At least, I am a hands-on learner!)

Back to Hosea, literally. I only inched forward by a few verses and am still finding lessons for today's in the mistakes of the past. (I suppose that is important, given the saying that those who don't learn from history are bound to repeat it.) This week's special verse is 9:10:

¹⁰ “When I found Israel,
   it was like finding grapes in the desert;
when I saw your ancestors,
   it was like seeing the early fruit on the fig tree.
But when they came to Baal Peor,
   they consecrated themselves to that shameful idol
   and became as vile as the thing they loved.

Reading: Hosea 9: 10

Meditation: I think we have all seen the dark side of love when we love whom and what we should not. Alcoholism, drug addictions, theft, crimes, and the like proceed from a dark love. There are lighter forms of dark love as well. Anything that pulls us away from the sublime and into the profane is a form of dark love -- light addictions (shopping, eating, etc.), spending so much time in playing lesser human games that we forget to spend time in sublime play with God, hanging out with pals at the mall or the local bar rather than lingering in any spot with our Greater Companion.

God has given us 24 hours a day. In addition to prayer, some of that time we need to work; some of it we need to sleep; some of it we need to use to help others; some of it we need to spend in human companionship and play. All of that is fine and given to us, but none of it need to take us away from God, who can be present to us in all of it, not just in the formal prayer time.

God will, in fact, be present to us in all of it if God is Whom we love. If we do not follow in the path of the Israelis and fall in love over and over with Baal (or any modern representation of Baal, which can be anything other than God).

Contemplation: That is far as I can go with you this Monday morning. I now retire to private prayer to praise God for His incredible patience for all of us who stray and stray again. I will ask forgiveness for any time I have loved anything or anyone more than God, even for a fleeting moment. I will also ask God to increase my ability to love in general and the godhead in specific. Then I will move on to contemplation, my favorite part of the day, letting God take over the direction in which my relationship with Him moves.

I will leave you now to your prayer and contemplation. First, though, I would like to bring to your attention a Monday morning prayer post that you might enjoy:

Fr. Austin Fleming, priest of the Archdiocese of Boston and pastor in Concord, Massachusetts, posts a prayer each Monday morning that he calls "Monday Morning Offering." I enjoy his prayers very much. I think you also will find them inspirational. He has graciously given me permission to include a link to his blog on my Monday Morning Meditation posts. (During the week, he also posts great homilies and other thoughtful discussions. I enjoy reading those, too, as do readers of this blog who have taken the stroll over to his blog.)

For additional inspiration throughout the week, I would point out two sets of blogs: (1) the list of devotional blogs on my sidebar and (2) my blogroll, where I am following a number of inspirational priests and writers about spiritual matters. I learn so very much from all these people. I highly recommend them to you.

Merry Christmas! God Bless All!

2011-12-24T17:29:00.000-08:00

Since I do not blog on Sundays, I will post a Christmas message tonight, Christmas eve. Plans? With all the kids having flown from the nest a decade ago, Donnie and I will be having our Christmas eve dinner at a local Chinese restaurant, run by Korean, prior to midnight Mass, which is at 10:30 this evening. (It finishes at midnight, so the name is not entirely misleading.)

As he does every year, Finnegan, our priest's black cat, has wandered from the cold into the warmth of the manger. Both he, and Sula, our parish's white cat, take turns sleeping in the manger. Sometimes they share it.

Sharing warm Christmas wishes with all! May God bless each one of you tomorrow and all days of this happy season!

A Christmas Poem

2011-12-20T07:49:00.000-08:00

Below is a poem, written by a marine and shared with me through the Internet by a friend. I imagine some have seen it already, but just in case...

TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS,
HE LIVED ALL ALONE,
IN A ONE BEDROOM HOUSE MADE OF
PLASTER AND STONE.

I HAD COME DOWN THE CHIMNEY
WITH PRESENTS TO GIVE,
AND TO SEE JUST WHO
IN THIS HOME DID LIVE.

I LOOKED ALL ABOUT,
A STRANGE SIGHT I DID SEE,
NO TINSEL, NO PRESENTS,
NOT EVEN A TREE.

NO STOCKING BY MANTLE,
JUST BOOTS FILLED WITH SAND,
ON THE WALL HUNG PICTURES
OF FAR DISTANT LANDS.

WITH MEDALS AND BADGES,
AWARDS OF ALL KINDS,
A SOBER THOUGHT
CAME THROUGH MY MIND.

FOR THIS HOUSE WAS DIFFERENT,
IT WAS DARK AND DREARY,
I FOUND THE HOME OF A SOLDIER,
ONCE I COULD SEE CLEARLY.

THE SOLDIER LAY SLEEPING,
SILENT, ALONE,
CURLED UP ON THE FLOOR
IN THIS ONE BEDROOM HOME.

THE FACE WAS SO GENTLE,
THE ROOM IN SUCH DISORDER,
NOT HOW I PICTURED
A UNITED STATES SOLDIER.

WAS THIS THE HERO
OF WHOM I'D JUST READ?
CURLED UP ON A PONCHO,
THE FLOOR FOR A BED?

I REALIZED THE FAMILIES
THAT I SAW THIS NIGHT,
OWED THEIR LIVES TO THESE SOLDIERS
WHO WERE WILLING TO FIGHT.

SOON ROUND THE WORLD,
THE CHILDREN WOULD PLAY,
AND GROWNUPS WOULD CELEBRATE
A BRIGHT CHRISTMAS DAY.

THEY ALL ENJOYED FREEDOM
EACH MONTH OF THE YEAR,
BECAUSE OF THE SOLDIERS,
LIKE THE ONE LYING HERE.

I COULDN'T HELP WONDER
HOW MANY LAY ALONE,
ON A COLD CHRISTMAS EVE
IN A LAND FAR FROM HOME.

THE VERY THOUGHT
BROUGHT A TEAR TO MY EYE,
I DROPPED TO MY KNEES
AND STARTED TO CRY.

THE SOLDIER AWAKENED
AND I HEARD A ROUGH VOICE,
'SANTA DON'T CRY,
THIS LIFE IS MY CHOICE;

I FIGHT FOR FREEDOM,
I DON'T ASK FOR MORE,
MY LIFE IS MY GOD,
MY COUNTRY, MY CORPS.'

THE SOLDIER ROLLED OVER
AND DRIFTED TO SLEEP,
I COULDN'T CONTROL IT,
I CONTINUED TO WEEP.

I KEPT WATCH FOR HOURS,
SO SILENT AND STILL
AND WE BOTH SHIVERED
FROM THE COLD NIGHT'S CHILL.

I DIDN'T WANT TO LEAVE
ON THAT COLD, DARK, NIGHT,
THIS GUARDIAN OF HONOR
SO WILLING TO FIGHT.

THEN THE SOLDIER ROLLED OVER,
WITH A VOICE SOFT AND PURE,
WHISPERED, 'CARRY ON SANTA,
IT'S CHRISTMAS DAY, ALL IS SECURE.'

ONE LOOK AT MY WATCH,
AND I KNEW HE WAS RIGHT.
'MERRY CHRISTMAS MY FRIEND,!
AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT.'

The following is the author's request:

Would you do me the kind favor of sending this to as many
people as you can? Christmas will be coming soon and some credit is
due to our U.S. service men,women, and Canadian Forces for our being
able to celebrate these festivities.

Let's try in this small way to pay a tiny bit of what we
owe. Make people stop and think of our heroes, living and dead,
who sacrificed themselves for us. Please, do your small part to plant
this small seed.

Merry Christmas
&
Happy New Year

(also posted on Mahlou Musings)

Monday Morning Meditation #107: Mixed Messages

2011-12-19T06:41:00.000-08:00

Apologies for missing the posting of MMM last week. I slept through the alarm-- was not feeling all that well the previous night and went to bed earlier than usual, but that did not seem to help. I hope that you clicked over to Fr. Austin's site if you were looking for something on Monday morning. He is always so reliable! I wish I were! Sigh! Another trait to be developed before I leave this earth!

In any event, I continued reading in the book of Hosea, which I have find quite to my liking in its instructiveness (I suppose there's no such word as that last one, but it is more meaningful than the bland word, instruction). In fact, given the richness of Hosea, I got no further than the next last verses of Chapter 8, the beginning verses of which I blogged about last week.

11 “Though Ephraim built many altars for sin offerings,
these have become altars for sinning.

12 I wrote for them the many things of my law, but they regarded them as something foreign.

13 Though they offer sacrifices as gifts to me, and though they eat the meat, the LORD is not pleased with them. Now he will remember their wickedness and punish their sins: They will return to Egypt.

14 Israel has forgotten their Maker and built palaces; Judah has fortified many towns.
But I will send fire on their cities that will consume their fortresses.”

Reading: Hosea 8: 11-14

Meditation: One of the most confusing things that we can do as parents, colleagues, and friends is send mixed messages: we say one thing and do another, we say one thing but deep down mean another, we do one thing but meant to do another. In so doing, generally our real motives remain unclear, and we are judged by our behavior, unmeant as it might be.

There seems to be some of this perversity, or perhaps just plain old human nature, that spills over into our spirituality. We come to church on Sunday (or Friday or Saturday, depending upon our religious persuasions and practices), participate in rituals of worship, and leave with the best of intentions to practice what has been preached during the rest of the week -- and then fall far short of that intention.

On an even more perverse note, there are those who "use" religion for their own purposes. For example, a former boss of mine who would steal from the poor who worked for him by cutting short their pay and never making it up or never reimbursing reimbursable expenses during the year, then spending the month of Ramadan on omra in worshipping Allah and assuming that he was being forgiven for any atrocities he had committed against the poor during the year, and returning to town to lay out a month-long feast for the poor, then beginning the same process all over again.

On a smaller scale, for us Catholics this might be akin to going to confession, carrying out our penance, and sinning the same sin all over again. It happens. We know it does. It probably must happen because we are human.

That is the whiter, lighter, "oops" side of the human condition. There is, unfortunately, the darker one that is exemplified by my former boss and by others I have met. This is where one pretends obeisance to God, does all the things one thinks one is supposed to do to "earn" one's way into God's good graces, then does what one really wants to do, anyway, as if God were not observing and does not care that God's law is being applied as if it were "foreign" (i.e. not applicable), in the process fortifying oneself in ways that are not needed if one has God on one's side. I have seen considerable examples of self-deception among Christians who do exactly what Hosea describes. They do not realize that not only do they not have to "earn" God's grace, they cannot "earn" God's grace. God's grace is freely given, and, we are told, it is given to the just and the unjust. It is a gift, and God decides to whom to gift it -- and is unbelievably generous in gifting it.

Contemplation: That is far as I can go with you this Monday morning. I now retire to private prayer to praise God for His incredible patience with those who do not "get it." I will ask forgiveness for any time my limited ability to understand has caused me to act in perverse ways. I will also ask God to continue to increase my understanding and my trust in relying only on Divine fortification, not human, and to lead me in ways that draw me away from the automatic fulfillment of spiritual "obligations" into a life freely dedicated to all that God would want me to do and to be. Then I will move on to contemplation, my favorite part of the day, letting God take over the direction in which my relationship with Him moves.

I will leave you now to your prayer and contemplation. First, though, I would like to bring to your attention a Monday morning prayer post that you might enjoy:

Fr. Austin Fleming, priest of the Archdiocese of Boston and pastor in Concord, Massachusetts, posts a prayer each Monday morning that he calls "Monday Morning Offering." I enjoy his prayers very much. I think you also will find them inspirational. He has graciously given me permission to include a link to his blog on my Monday Morning Meditation posts. (During the week, he also posts great homilies and other thoughtful discussions. I enjoy reading those, too, as do readers of this blog who have taken the stroll over to his blog.)

For additional inspiration throughout the week, I would point out two sets of blogs: (1) the list of devotional blogs on my sidebar and (2) my blogroll, where I am following a number of inspirational priests and writers about spiritual matters. I learn so very much from all these people. I highly recommend them to you.

From Bummer to Brightener

2011-12-15T23:36:00.000-08:00

Last night, in leaving work in the glorious darkness, the security gates and I had an altercation, which I lost, and the gates punished me by clipping off both my car mirrors. Fortunately, the kind police officer who watches over my office building cordially ambled outside with me and helped me remove the mirror housing and save the wires, holding them in place by rolling the windows up against them gently. He also took a police report. In doing it, he pointed out the huge dent in my bumper and asked if the gate did that, too. I told him no, I gave the car its character four years ago by backing into a tree with a great deal of zest. I never repaired it because the dent makes it easy to pick out my car from among the zillions of compact silver cars in any parking lot.

Report and preliminary repairs accomplished, I drove my poor mirrorless car (sort of like a person losing his/her ears) home to rest overnight while Donnie and I decided what to do next, the complication being that we have only one car, I work 30 miles away, and I had a very important meeting to attend in the early afternoon. Another complication is the $1000 deductible we have, meaning that the repairs would have to be paid from my purse. Who wants to bleed out hundreds of dollars right before Christmas?

After sleeping on it, in the morning we decided to take our ear-less car to Firestone for repairs since we use Firestone for routine things, and the manager there is always helpful, honest, and keeps repairs as inexpensive as possible. There, things went very smoothly, and Firestone will have new "ears" on my car tomorrow. Even better, Firestone is giving us 10% off and 6 months to pay with no interest -- because I let them talk me into giving me one of the credit cards. Like I need another credit card! However, it does take the sting out of the $600 fix-it price tag and saves our Christmas fund. That seemed like a bit of divine intervention.

For today, I rented a neat Nissan because I could not claim sick leave for a car's ear trouble. The rental car company picked Donnie and me up at Firestone and drove us to its office, where I picked out the cute little Nissan. The Nissan drove beautifully, and I never enjoyed mirrors quite so much before. And so I returned to my office ready to dare those gates to touch this one!

Ain't life grand?!

Saying Grace at a Restaurant

2011-12-13T03:23:00.000-08:00

Here is another one of those stories sent to me from the Internet that is too good not to share. I have no idea who the author is.

Last week, I took my grandchildren to a restaurant.

My six-year-old grandson asked if he could say grace.

As we bowed our heads he said, "God is good, God is great. Thank you for the food, and I would even thank you more if Nana gets us ice cream for dessert. And liberty and justice for all! Amen!"

Along with the laughter from the other customers nearby, I heard a woman remark, "That's what's wrong with this country. Kids today don't even know how to pray. Asking God for ice cream! Why, I never!"

Hearing this, my grandson burst into tears and asked me, "Did I do it wrong? Is God mad at me?"

As I held him and assured him that he had done a terrific job and God was certainly not mad at him, an elderly gentleman approached the table.

He winked at my grandson and said, "I happen to know that God thought that was a great prayer."

"Really?" my grandson asked.

"Cross my heart," the man replied.

Then, in a theatrical whisper, he added (indicating the woman whose remark had started this whole thing), "Too bad she never asks God for ice cream. A little ice cream is good for the soul sometimes."

Naturally, I bought my grandchildren ice cream at the end of the meal. My grandson stared at his for a moment and then did something I will remember the rest of my life.

He picked up his sundae and, without a word, walked over and placed it in front of the woman. With a big smile he told her, "Here, this is for you. Ice cream is good for the soul sometimes, and my soul is good already."

Also posted on Mahlou Musings

Two Anti-Hunger Websites for the Holidays

2011-12-10T23:20:00.000-08:00

As the holidays -- and all the yummy treats that most of us will be eating -- approach, I wanted to share with readers of my blogs two wonderful sites that help those who may not be feeling full during the holidays, or any time during the year for that matter.

The first site, No Kid Hungry, is fledgling group with a good objective: www.nokidhungry.org. The leaders of the movement are asking visitors to their site to take a pledge to reach this goal by 2015.

The other site has been around for years (at least ten years) and does wonderful work: www.thehungersite.com, and I posted about it on H2Helper a while back. This site can be visited every day, and just by spending 2-3 minutes at the site, without any investment other than time, you can help feed hungry children worldwide, contribute to saving the rain forests, help autism research, promote literacy, support veterans, and help abandoned animals -- it is an amazing site.

Happy holidays!

7 Quick Takes Friday #68

2011-12-09T16:30:00.000-08:00

See more 7 Quick Takes Friday contributions at Jennifer Fulwiler's Conversion Diary.

Living in San Ignatio is a very special experience. This week I have spent a little more time at home in my little California mission town than most weeks, although I did have to run off to Baltimore for a day, and I thought I would share with you seven special things that occurred on Thursday alone, making this my #1 choice of places to live.

1. The brother of one of my catechism students was killed in a car accident this weekend, and my co-teacher suggested that the kids could say a rosary for him as a way of handling their grief. (We have to teach them the rosary, anyway.) So, I called the mission gift shop Thursday afternoon to see if they had a dozen inexpensive rosaries I could pick up. Yes. However, they close at 4:30, and catechism was that evening at 7:00. I was in Santa Cruz and would not make it back until 4:40. They stayed open for me. I ran in and was handed the bag by the cashier who was on the phone. When I tried to pay, she waved me off. I waited to question her, and she indicated that there was no cost; the gift shop wanted to help, too. (The town is collecting for the family.) Then, when I showed up at the catechism class with the rosaries, my co-teacher asked me how much she owed me because she wanted to split the cost. I told her half of zero would be approximately zero. She was flabbergasted at the generosity of the Old Mission gift shop because even though she planned and wanted to share the cost, she had no money to do so. Amazing!

2. Leaving the gift shop, I had an extraordinary experience with a mother hen and teenage chicks. Mexican chickens are one of the charms of this town, and, for the most part, they own the town. Tourists come to see them, and most shops use the beautiful Mexican rooster as their symbol/logo. Thursday afternoon, Mama seemed to be bringing her teens to meet Aunt Beth. I related the story in full, including why I might be considered Aunt Beth, on Clan of Mahlou as a continuation to Er-er's story.

3. From the gift shop, I drove to our local pizza place to order a Greek salad for Donnie for dinner. (I would not be home for dinner -- fasting is good for the body and soul, anyway.) However, I had a couple of other stops, so I asked if they would hold the salad while I ran around. They agreed; I gave them my credit card, which they rang up and returned, and left. When I returned after going to the post office and grocery store -- all within walking distance -- I learned that I had walked out without signing the credit card receipt. No problem. The receipt and salad were waiting for me.

4. At the grocery store, I picked up chips and water for the kids that evening. As it turned out, the store had received a large palette of water that was too much to fit into the aisles of the small store. So, the water was stored outside the store, unattended. I paid for the water, along with a few other items, and then picked up my six-packs on the way to the car, from where they were stored in the grocery cart area. (Where else can one do that??!) Actually, a couple of years ago we had a rash of thefts. A local dog, sitting in the outside cafe area, noticed the thief and chased him down. His owner called the sheriff's office in a nearby town (honest, we have no local law enforcement but pay for some time from one of the deputy sheriffs as needed), and the thief was taken care of. The dog got a front-page article in a four-page, twice-a-month local paper and his own email account where people could send him thank-you notes. (See post: Only in San Ignatio!)

5. Thursday was a full day. Our Lady of Guadalupe and San Diego of Tepeyac are very important in this historic Mexican-heritage town. So, there were multiple Masses on this day of obligation, beginning Wednesday evening with a bilingual Mass, a noon English Mass on Thursday, a 6:00 English Mass on Thursday, and a 7:00 Spanish Mass. Quite a lot of prayer for a town of only 1700 people, the majority of whom are children! I went to the 6:00 English Mass, finishing just in time to teach the catechism class. The Mass was celebrated by a visiting monseignor, whose name I have forgotten and whose age looked to be about 90. He had difficulty moving, using his hands, seeing, and speaking, but we were all grateful that he had come since our priest was about Mass-ed out for the two-day period. Unfortunately, no one had thought to help him out in the planning, and he thought that everything was taken care of. There was no minister of the table and no lector. He pressed the first person in the door into being minister of the table; she had never done it before. When it came time for the reading, no one approached to read. So, he asked if there were a lector present. There was not. Then he asked if someone would offer to read. I offered. I have read upon occasion although I am not a trained lector. To complicate matters further, it turned out that there was no lectionary available. Fortunately, someone had the daily Mass book, and I was able to read from that. An organist had come down from the retreat center to attend the Mass and so jumped in and did the playing and took over the responsorial psalm for me, as well. It was good he was there because the pages in the book were not marked, and upon several occasions the priest could not find the words he was supposed to read, and his trembling hands made it difficult to find the pages. The organist came over and helped him. Mass took an extra 20-30 minutes, given all the confusion. However, no one minded. We were all helping the priest. Somehow it seemed like Mass might have been in the early days of the Church. In any event, we are more a family than a town, and the center of the family is our mission. It all worked out, and everyone was grateful for the experience.

6. The organist who helped out had actually attended seminary at one time, so he was idea to help the priest. This weekend he will be leading a retreat at our local retreat center, which I will be attending. The topic is Advent and its meaning. A man for all seasons -- as are many people in our town. I guess that is just the nature of small towns.

7. After catechism class, I returned home and took a walk around our back yard. Our neighbor had moved his horses from another pasture to the one right in back of us. I stopped to watch the beautiful horses eating away when one lifted its head in my directions. There was something right friendly like in the way that horse looked at me. I turned and went inside because I began to become concerned that he just might jump the flimsy wire fence and come to visit right neighborly like. Friendly, just like everyone and everything else in San Ignatio.

Have a great weekend! I am leaving now to spend mine up the hill at the retreat center at the top of the hill. I hope yours will be equally peaceful.

A Positive Word about Flattery

2011-12-07T07:06:00.000-08:00

The below text is one I posted yesterday on Mahlou Musings, an excerpt from a book I wrote several years ago. I thought it might also be worth sharing on 100th Lamb.

Lewis Lapham (Lapham's Rules of Influence) advises the profuse use of flattery. He writes that "flattery is comparable to suntan lotion or ski wax. It cannot be too often or too recklessly applied."

My two handicapped children, Noelle and Doah, know this. As children and adults, unlike what one might expect, they have been quite popular, among others reasons, because they routinely use flattery.

For exmaple, Doah, when needing help, will often address a nearby woman, "Excuse me, pretty lady. You help me, please?" What woman does not like to be called pretty?

And who would not feel good about helping someone clearly disabled who shows appreciation through more flattery by saying, for example, "Thank you. You're a nice person. I like you."

Likewise, Noelle once got me out of a traffic ticket when I accidentally drove through a stop sign. A four-year-old at the time, she was clearly thrilled at the sight of the police officer who pulled me over. While I searched for the car registration, she gushed flattery at him, telling him how wonderful she thought policemen were, how kind, and how helpful. He told me to forget the registration, that he would give me only a warning because he did not want my daughter not to like policemen.

Although she became more sophisticated about how she words things, Noelle has continued to use flattery and to be treated with warmth by people with whom she interacts. For example, she had a series of negative experiences at what I shall call Hospital A in Washington and ultimately we transferred her to Georgetown University Hospital, where she had a series of positive experiences. Near the beginning of her treatment there, she had to be hospitalized. Unfortunately, no beds were immediately available, so the staff spread out a blanket on the floor of her room. The clinic director, embarrassed by this situation, stayed with Noelle two hours until a bed was found. She apologized to Noelle several times.

Noelle's response was, "Hey, I'd rather be on the floor here than in the softest bed at Hospital A." Obviously, that piece of flattery made Noelle a favorite patient for the entire time she was at Georgetown University Hospital.

We all like to hear other people say good things about us. They, too, like to hear good things said about them. Flattery often works where other means of motivation fail.

My sister, Danielle, points out that when flattery is sincere, there are many ways to get the good intentions to multiply. She cites the example of her husband, Bill, who has often elicited support and astounding service by first complimenting the employee sincerely with supporting details and then going on to report the employee's exceptional service and performance to the employee's supervisor, attributing the employee's attitude and performance to the supervisor's skill in management.

"By the end of the conversation," she wrote to me, "the supervisor and supervisee are dancing around Bill to see that everything goes smoothly."

So, slather the flattery wherever it is deserved!

----

Excerpted and adapted from a collection of vignettes I published, copyright 2003.

Monday Morning Meditation #106: The Calf Will Be Broken into Pieces

2011-12-05T00:10:00.000-08:00

During this week, I continued reading in the book of Hosea. My pace through this book is very slow because I find the verses therein very rich. Even though much of it is God's lamentation about the wayward ways of Israel and how Israel does not recognize what God has done for Israel, does not fear God in any meaning of that verb, and has turned to false gods, there is little there that cannot be applied to our society today and the many practices that have turned people against God or led people to turn God a deaf ear.

One of the poignant passages is Hosea 8: 5-6. Here it is written, in the words of God:

5 Samaria, throw out your calf-idol!
My anger burns against them.
How long will they be incapable of purity?

6 They are from Israel!
This calf—a metalworker has made it;
it is not God.
It will be broken in pieces,
that calf of Samaria.

Reading: Hosea: 8: 5-6

Meditation: The metal, or golden, calf is a great image. How often do people today put the worship, of money over the worship of God? How much time do we spend on building financial security (or enough money for our bodies to live on) versus the amount of time we spend building a relationship with God (or enough spirituality for our souls to live on)? God did not give us money. We invented that for ourselves. Our "calf" may be broken in pieces (the worldwide economic disasters are not unakin to something like that happening today), but we will always have God. How interesting that we feel so much greater comfort and safety in the evanescent than we feel in the Permanent!

Contemplation: That is far as I can go with you this Monday morning. I now retire to private prayer to praise God for His incredible incredible patience with His people who era after era find other kinds of gods to put before Him. I will ask forgiveness for any time my limited ability to trust in God's permanence has made me mistakenly seek out the impermanent. I will also ask God to continue to increase my trust and faith and thank Him for every time He has answered that particular prayer. Then I will move on to contemplation, my favorite part of the day, letting God take over the direction in which my relationship with Him moves.

I will leave you now to your prayer and contemplation. First, though, I would like to bring to your attention a Monday morning prayer post that you might enjoy:

Fr. Austin Fleming, priest of the Archdiocese of Boston and pastor in Concord, Massachusetts, posts a prayer each Monday morning that he calls "Monday Morning Offering." I enjoy his prayers very much. I think you also will find them inspirational. He has graciously given me permission to include a link to his blog on my Monday Morning Meditation posts. (During the week, he also posts great homilies and other thoughtful discussions. I enjoy reading those, too, as do readers of this blog who have taken the stroll over to his blog.)

For additional inspiration throughout the week, I would point out two sets of blogs: (1) the list of devotional blogs on my sidebar and (2) my blogroll, where I am following a number of inspirational priests and writers about spiritual matters. I learn so very much from all these people. I highly recommend them to you.

Spiritual Sunday #38: Doah Went to Court, or God Knew Best

2011-12-04T08:41:00.000-08:00

For more Spiritual Sunday posts, I recommend that you wander over to the website of Charlotte and Ginger, who host the Spiritual Sunday meme.

Because I do not blog on Sundays -- keeping it as the sabbath, a practice started by Fr. Christian Mathis (Blessed Is the Kingdom) -- I use older posts (forgotten perhaps but hopefully still interesting) from one or another of my blogs that seem appropriate for this meme. It seems to work to bring out the older posts that many have not read before or ones from other blogs I maintain that readers of 100th Lamb may not know about.

This week I decided to change pace a little and share a post related to one of my children, now grown, and a difficult period (oh, there were so many): Doah Went to Court, Or God Knew Best.

Wishing you a peaceful Sunday!

Saturday Evening Blog Post #10

2011-12-03T20:34:00.001-08:00

Elizabeth Esther runs a meme in which on the first Saturday of the month bloggers select their favorite post of the month and share it with other bloggers. The links are posted at Esther's site: The Saturday Evening Blog Post. It has been many months since I have participated. Too much travel. Too much work. Too much busyness. But this week has seen a small change. Annual leave yesterday allowed me to celebrate First Friday, and with no plans for this weekend, I will be able to blog and write (am working on a new book, Raising God's Rainbowmakers, which, like Blest Atheist and A Believer-in-Waiting's First Encounters with God, will probably be a couple of years in the making, but unless I put in some serious writing effort right from the start will take even longer.) So, here is my selection for this month: If God Loves Me, Why can't I Cook?.

A blessed Saturday to all of you.

7 Quick Takes Friday #67

2011-12-02T22:36:00.000-08:00

See more 7 Quick Takes Friday contributions at Jennifer Fulwiler's Conversion Diary.

Once again, time has tumbled on, advancing in front of me, with my striding to keep up, not always successfully. Hence, the lack of my participation in the 7 Quick Takes for almost two months. Rather than try to catch up, I have decided that selecting specific moments in time, seven of them actually, might be the best way to bridge the space of time.

1. Yesterday I was supposed to be able to take annual leave. My boss had agreed to it, and, after all, I am in a position of not being able to use all my annual leave this year. In fact, I cannot use it all, and earlier this year I transferred 80 hours to various ill employees who had used up all their leave. Earlier this week, after getting permission to take 60 hours of annual leave in December, I counted the "left over" hours that will simply disappear on December 31 (we cannot carry more than 240 hours across the year-end border, and I have close t0 360 hours unused at the moment) and realized that quite a few would be wasted. So, I asked our personnel office for a list of employees who are out of leave and still sick so that I could donate the extra hours -- and I suggested to other healthy employees that they do the same. So, when my boss called me in the morning yesterday and said that I had to come in to work and attend an unplanned meeting, one that he wanted to have but the date for which was arbitrary and chosen because he was mad that he had not been able to reach me the day before for the discussion because I was working with my staff and not near my phone, I was not very happy. I had a few choice words I planned to say to him even though I knew he was in a bad mood. Prior to heading in, I put on paper the details of the strategic plan we were going to discuss. On the way in, I asked God to help me with the negative feelings that were running through me, including the thought of perhaps not giving my boss everything he needed: a childish reaction (mine) to a childish action (his). When I arrived, I found that God had answered that prayer. My boss's grumpiness was immediately dispelled by the plans I had put together and by the repartee that sort of tumbled out of me. He was called away to another meeting shortly after I arrived, but he left happy, and so did I. God has quite a way of putting the sunshine back into our day -- if we are willing to step out of the shadows.

2. I have been traveling nearly nonstop. First to Alaska, then immediately on to Florida. I would call that "extreme" traveling, or traveling to the extremes. On my travels, I spend a lot of time in airport lounges. While there, I overhear all manner of things. Among the most common things I hear are loud, self-important phone calls, mostly from businessmen, who appear convinced that nothing more important could possibly exist than whatever business they are conducting. They tend to speak rather loudly, and I often wonder if they intend for me (and others) to overhear them so that we can understand how important they are. Pet peeve -- and a great reminder to keep my voice low if I do call someone and realize that no one will be impressed by my words but many people may be annoyed by them!

3. Another pet peeve is the rush to be first on plane. Because I am a super-duper-trooper, i.e. very, very frequent flyer, I am always among the very first allowed onto the plane. As a result, I get to watch others as they embark. There tends to be a jostling and an anxiety that permeates the boarding. Each passenger wants to ensure that his or her baggage will make it into the overhead. The last passengers almost always have to turn their luggage over to the baggage handlers to be put into the hold, which, of course, does slow them down in disembarking. The bottom line, though, is that someone has to have his/her baggage in the hold. Why is it any worst for me to give up my hand luggage than for a fellow passenger? That question is one I always ask myself when I travel with an airline on which I am not a frequent flyer and therefore end up at the end of the line and not in a very good seat. Someone has to be in that position. Why not me? It is a reasonable, logical, and fair question, and I find the answer to be one that builds patience and acceptance, resulting in a much more satisfactory trip. Some things are in our control: our reactions to potential annoyances.

4. Today, I did get my annual leave time, and off I went to First Friday at our local retreat center. There, Fr. Philip read an excerpt from I Asked for Wonder (Samuel Dresner, editor). The author of one of the articles contends that everyone has at least one moment of experiencing God. I am definitely going to purchase that book! It is so rare that I find support for some of the spiritual manifestations that I experience. (I discuss these on a regular basis on my blog, Modern Mysticism.) You might like to take a look at that book, as well.

5. Sitting at First Friday, feeling myself in the active presence of God (I think many others also felt this way), I found myself unconsciously caressing the cross I was wearing. It seemed to strengthen the connection between God and me and reminded me of the time that I told God I wanted to hug Him, and He responded, "Hug My people." (And, oh, yes, I did a lot of hugging of God's people there.)

6. Recently, I saw an interesting sign on a car on one of the streets in town. It said, "If God did exist, what would you ask Him?" Curious, I googled the question, and I found a number of different sites that have asked that question and received some interesting responses, most of them revolving around unhappiness with life on this earth, but one site had some really thoughtful responses, regarding carrying out our roles and responsibilities and not expecting God to do it all, about listening to God and following His lead, and about thanking Him rather than only petitioning. Interestingly , no one seemed to have thought of the question that is most important to me and that immediately went through my mind: "How can I help You?" While I may be confused at times and not always do a good job of it, I love it when God tasks me to help someone. There is nothing I have found as rewarding as carrying out, however ineptly, a tasking I have been given. Maybe I'm just strange that way. Not much about my relationship with God fits into traditional descriptions unless one goes way, way back. Talk about feeling a bit out of time (chronological time/era, that is).

7. Today, I lost my blackberry. It was signed out to me at work, and if it is truly lost, I will have to pay for it. My administrative assistant spent considerable time looking for it and so did my boss's administrative assistant, drawing the line only when I asked him, without thinking the matter through sufficiently, to check the ladies' room (he sent in a female colleague). There was a positive side to this annoying happening: Without the blackberry, no one could call me back into work, so I got to have a whole happy day of annual leave. As they say, sometimes you get the short end of the stick, sometimes the long one, and sometimes it is only a draw. In any event, though, it is life, and we can choose to fuss or to be happy. That half-empty glass? All you have to do is add water to make it overflow!

Wishing all of your a great, overflowing weekend. I would also make a prayer request of you on behalf of my sister-in-law. The doctor has found a mass in her lung near the pulmonary artery, and she will have surgery on Monday morning EST. If the mass is can be excised, there is hope. If not, it is only a matter of time. The doctor has determined that both chemotherapy and radiation would be ineffective at this point. So, prayer may be the best medicine available. Please join in prayer if you can and will.

Monday Morning Meditation #105: In Our Misery, We Seek God

2011-11-28T00:43:00.000-08:00

During this week, I continued reading in the book of Hosea. For some strange reason, it was one of the first books I read after I came to faith. Well, first I read Job because I was sent there. Second, I read Ecclesiastes because I was sent there, too. After that, I stumbled across Hosea. It has now been five years (does not seem possible that time has pass so quickly) since that day, and when I come across "the" verse that I was meant to read, I will do a MMM devoted to it. For now, I am still wandering around in the first chapters and will keep you in the dark as to the "special" verse. (I have come to have more patience about many things even if it does not always seem so to me and to those around me.) This week I stopped and meditated upon Hosea 5:15: "In their misery, they will earnest seek Me."

Reading: Hosea 5:15

Meditation: As related in my book, Blest Atheist, I did not come to faith because I was miserable and saw no way out although I later learned that this is the normal path for many, if not most, who convert after childhood has long passed. I was actually quite happy as an atheist, and although far from rich (in fact, I have spent a fair amount of my life in impoverished conditions), I did not feel the need for divine intervention in my life. No, it was God Who for reasons only God knows wanted to intervene and did so in quite a startling way, making His presence known to me and to a colleague, truly unexpectedly and with overwhelming certainty in what is usually referred to as a hierophany. I assumed at the time that all God's people experience such things, but that is something else that I have come to learn over time is not so. Over time I have also come to be grateful for this, as well as for the fact that I was not alone (so I could not simply dismiss what I knew to be the Truth but did not at the time want to accept). Since that day, my path has crossed the paths of a few other people (a rare few) who have come to faith in the same way. I highly value those intersections, as I value the wonderful poem, "The Hound of Heaven," written by Francis Thompson, who, too, tried to flee God unsuccessfully.

Contemplation: That is far as I can go with you this Monday morning. I now retire to private prayer to praise God for His incredible ability to "break through" into our mundane lives and thank Him for caring enough about me, one of His lost lambs, to do that. I will ask forgiveness (again) for deliberately trying to push Him away then and for all the times since I have unintentionally pushed Him away. I will also ask God to continue to hold me within His flock because I sense that if I were to let my eyes wander back to those enticing bramble bushes, I could stray once again. Then I will move on to contemplation, my favorite part of the day, letting God take over the direction in which my relationship with Him moves.

I will leave you now to your prayer and contemplation. First, though, I would like to bring to your attention a Monday morning prayer post that you might enjoy:

Fr. Austin Fleming, priest of the Archdiocese of Boston and pastor in Concord, Massachusetts, posts a prayer each Monday morning that he calls "Monday Morning Offering." I enjoy his prayers very much. I think you also will find them inspirational. He has graciously given me permission to include a link to his blog on my Monday Morning Meditation posts. (During the week, he also posts great homilies and other thoughtful discussions. I enjoy reading those, too, as do readers of this blog who have taken the stroll over to his blog.)

For additional inspiration throughout the week, I would point out two sets of blogs: (1) the list of devotional blogs on my sidebar and (2) my blogroll, where I am following a number of inspirational priests and writers about spiritual matters. I learn so very much from all these people. I highly recommend them to you.

Spiritual Sunday #37: Loving Impossible People

2011-11-27T02:15:00.001-08:00

For more Spiritual Sunday posts, I recommend that you wander over to the website of Charlotte and Ginger, who host the Spiritual Sunday meme.

Because I do not blog on Sundays -- keeping it as the sabbath, a practice started by Fr. Christian Mathis (Blessed Is the Kingdom) -- I use older posts (forgotten perhaps but hopefully still interesting) from one or another of my blogs that seem appropriate for this meme. It seems to work to bring out the older posts that many have not read before or ones from other blogs I maintain that readers of 100th Lamb may not know about.

This week I decided to change pace a little and share a post related to the work place (but of a spiritual nature): Loving Impossible People from July 2009.

Wishing you a peaceful Sunday!

Sad Black Cat

2011-11-26T13:11:00.000-08:00

I suppose it is time to share a brief update about our parish priest, whose dilemma I discussed in a post a while ago. Much has happened since that posting, some of it good, some of it frustrating, and some (most) of it hopeful.

At the time that I uploaded the post, all of us in our parish were in shock. A diocesan spokesperson had just told us at the end of Mass that our priest had been removed, accused of sexual abuse. None of us believed that the accusation was truthful. Not one person. However, the diocesan spokesperson had presented the situation as if it were fact.

Since then, we have developed a website for information purposes and have raised money to pay for our priest's legal expenses, a set of activities that attracted the attention and ire of SPAN, an organization that does not qualify for non-profit status, according to BBB and other information posted online, and that appears to be making its money from suing priests (or serving as the conduit for accusers to sue priests). Certainly, there are some accusations that are true, and none of us would want to see justice fail those victims. In California, however, about half of the allegations have turned out to be false. SPAN demanded that our bishop ask us to take down the website and support our priest only with words of encouragement -- no money and no public comments. Our bishop refused to ask us to do that, citing the First Amendment. In response to that, our humble website was mentioned anonymously in a post about civility in Internet discourse on These Stone Walls: Holy Hostility, Batman. (I would note that I have found this blog extremely informative about issues of false allegations; for anyone willing to look at the other side of the issue, i.e. the priest's position, there is much to be learned from the weekly postings at These Stone Walls.) The moderator encouraged us not to allow SNAP to bully us. Interestingly, about the same time, we received a piece of hate mail from someone self-identifying as a private citizen; however, when we googled him, we found that he was the director of a SNAP chapter on the East Coast.

In the case of our priest, the one and only allegation was from an accuser whose identity is not supposed to be known, but it is a small community, so we do know who it is. The accuser stalked our priest, following him from his previous parish to our parish, and has reasons for wanting revenge that have nothing to do with any wanton action on the part of our priest. In fact, the allegation is not of abuse but of a proposition only, an allegation that our priest denies and that would be very much out of keeping with his general deportment.

Since I uploaded the post, asking for advice about how to help our priest, our grassroots group has been encouraged by other priests in our diocese (they know our priest and know that the accusation is false) and in other dioceses. Fortunately, the police investigation and the diocese's investigation both determined the allegation to have no basis in fact. However, the lawyer for the accuser decided to file a civil lawsuit (which is why we have been raising money for our priest's defense). The lawyer appeared to hope that the diocese would cave in and cough up big money, frightened by the audacity of the accusation and wanting to avoid a public spectacle. Again, fortunately, our bishop decided to let the public spectacle happen. Our priest has been in this community 17 years. In the 11 months following the allegation, not one other person has stepped forward to substantiate that allegation or submit another allegation. Further, hundreds of letters of support have been sent to the bishop. Our priest has said that the community support has been very important to him as the months drag on, waiting for the case to make it onto the court's docket.

At Thanksgiving Mass, we were all sadly reminded of our priest's absence and dilemma. When he was removed from our parish, he was not allowed to take his devoted black cat with him. His cat used to attend Mass faithfully, sitting beside our priest quietly. At Christmas, he would often curl up in the creche. At the first Mass over which presided the priest who has temporarily replaced our priest, the cat walked down the aisle and jumped up into the priest's chair and would not get out. Everyone was moved by the cat's devotion, and the priest chose another chair. Since then, the cat has remained in the church gardens, and our parish continues to feed and care for him. On Thursday morning, for the first time in a long time, the cat once again entered the church. He walked up to the priest's chair: his father was not there. Then he began walking through one pew after another, as if searching for his owner. After exiting each pew, he would stand still for a moment and switch his tail back and forth in agitation. After walking through each pew, he walked back out of the church.

We were all spellbound by the cat, whose behavior expressed the feelings that all of us were feeling. Although we did have our annual parish-sponsored community Thanksgiving dinner, the real feelings of thanksgiving for us, including for the sad black cat, will be when our priest returns to us -- that is what we are all hoping for.

Happy Thanksgiving!

2011-11-24T07:55:00.000-08:00

I have no intention of spending Thanksgiving Day at a computer. In fact, I have all kinds of other plans, but I did want to wish all readers a happy -- and tasty -- day. As for me, I have a guest (friend) from Washington, DC, who has been here all week with me. Doah and I intend to attend the Thanksgiving Mass in the morning, then our whole family will go over to the community dinner that is sponsored by our parish. I think it is a bit unique. Every year the entire community (our town has only a little over 1000 people, including children) is invited to a free Thanksgiving dinner at a restaurant-like building that our parish owns. Those who have cooking talent provide the food. Others serve or clean up. Since I have absolutely no cooking talent, my family and I serve on the clean-up crew. Every year hundreds eat for free -- rich and poor alike (and together). It is a great way to spend Thanksgiving!

However you spend your Thanksgiving, I hope it will be a day to remember and a day for which you find yourself grateful!

If God Loves Me, Why Can't I Cook?

2011-11-23T10:09:00.000-08:00

The following excerpt from my latest book, Believer in Waiting, seems quite appropriate on the day before Thanksgiving (when I will not be cooking but helping to clean up after a community dinner where my family and I will receive the benefits of those who can cook -- this is an event that takes place every year and is sponsored by our parish; it is for everyone, whether rich or poor, alone or endowed with many local family members and friends; it is a community event that all look forward to and to which each contributes in his or her own way by cooking, serving, or cleaning up).

Everyone knows that I cannot cook a decent meal. As for the rest of my homemaking skills, let us just say that my passing grade in Home Economics as a child was a gift from a teacher who liked me but not necessarily a reflection of my homemaking ability. I think she just did not want to ruin my straight-A average. Maybe she gave me the grade for effort rather than result.

When my kids were growing up, if I wanted to get them to do something, I would just have to threaten to cook dinner myself rather than their dad. Even as youngsters, they knew how to cook well. (Their spouses love that.) As an adult, Doah wrote a book with my help, an exercise in understanding and developing literacy. The topic of all the tales in the book is my sad lack of homemaking skills and the horrendous outcome of my attempts to use them. The stories are as true as they are hilarious. Why I got missed in the distribution of talents that most women have, I may never know.

Every once in a while, though, I try to remedy the situation—to no avail. On Donnie’s birthday recently, I decided to make him dinner, freeing him from that daily task. He protested, but then realized that this was going to be my gift to him so he let me try. I had purchased some fresh squid; they are easy to cook. A salad and some vegetables, rolls, desserts—voila! a great dinner! Except it was, following historic patterns, not edible. Donnie made himself a toasted cheese sandwich, and, as happens in such cases, I ate the inedible meal just to prove something. (Just what I am trying to prove in these cases, I am not sure.)

So, I ask, if God loves me, why can’t I cook? This question parallels the kinds of questions that my catechism kids ask: if God loves me, why can’t I do something I want to do, why don’t I get an A grade on my project or test, why can’t I have a specific gift or opportunity, i.e. why is life so tough sometimes? I love the book by Lorraine Peterson that attempts to answer this question: If God Loves Me, Why Can’t I Get My Locker Open? I recommend it to all parents, catechists, and teenagers.

In thinking about this question, a possible answer begins forming in my mind. I cannot do things perfectly because I am human, ordinary. Not everything I want will go my way because it should not go my way because I am human, ordinary, and need to grow and learn. I need to walk in the path of the cross because it is that path that brings a different kind of life, one that leads to resurrection, one that is pleasing to God.

And then the life of Jesus comes to mind. He did not choose to live an extraordinary life but an ordinary one although the way he lived it was extraordinary. If he had not lived an ordinary life, we would not have the wonderful example of how we, as ordinary, human beings, can and should live. He gave us the example of how to live the way God would have us live, how to be servants to those around us, how to improve life for others, and how to bear our cross, whatever that may be, with grace and trust. He gave us the answer to the question that my catechism kids ask.

Oh, yes, now I know the answer. Why can’t I get the locker open, cook a meal for my husband, receive only accolades, have no financial worries, birth only healthy children, etc.? I cannot do those things precisely because God does love me! Just like God loved Job. Just like God loved Jesus!

[After posting this on Mahlou Musings and Modern Mysticism, I realized it just might be appropriate for 100th Lamb, too -- sometimes posts fit more than one of my blogs; more often, the blogs move in different directions. At any rate, wishing everyone a happy Thanksgiving tomorrow!]

Monday Morning Meditation #104: The Need for Gratitude

2011-11-21T00:06:00.000-08:00

During this week, I moved on from Daniel to Hosea. Both of the first two books focus on God's great disappointment with the people of Israel, especially in their unwillingness to show any gratitude for what they have been given (food, drink, clothing) or to notice from Whom it came -- and also in their once again turning away from God to the worship of the false god, Baal.

Reading: Hosea 2:13

Meditation: We all know that an attitude of ingratitude does not pertain only to ancient Israel. It seems to be a perverse part of human nature. Even if we generally move through life with an attitude of gratitude for all the good things that God gives, we tend to feel and show less gratitude to the things that one might not be quick to label "good." For example, when my kids -- and then my grandkids -- were born with life-challenging and life-impairing birth defects, the last thing I wanted to say at the time was "Thank You, God, for these challenges." Yet, is it not the challenges we meet in life, whether it is birth defects, some obstructions at work, financial difficulties, personal health issues, or thwarted desires, that are the greatest gift? From the challenges, we learn. From the challenges, we draw closer to God and to each other because we need each other in order to cope with and overcome them. Perhaps the next time something "bad" happens to us, we should respond with the words, "Thank You, God, for trusting me with this experience," and then trust God to help us through it and to help us to gain from it.

Contemplation: That is far as I can go with you this Monday morning. I now retire to private prayer to praise God for His greater understanding of just what a "gift" is and to thank Him for trusting me with many challenges throughout my life -- and helping me with them. I will ask forgiveness for those times that I have not responded to those gifts with the appropriate gratitude. I will also ask God to continue to build my trust in Him to lead me to and through any challenge. Then I will move on to contemplation, my favorite part of the day, letting God take over the direction in which my relationship with Him moves.

I will leave you now to your prayer and contemplation. First, though, I would like to bring to your attention a Monday morning prayer post that you might enjoy:

Fr. Austin Fleming, priest of the Archdiocese of Boston and pastor in Concord, Massachusetts, posts a prayer each Monday morning that he calls "Monday Morning Offering." I enjoy his prayers very much. I think you also will find them inspirational. He has graciously given me permission to include a link to his blog on my Monday Morning Meditation posts. (During the week, he also posts great homilies and other thoughtful discussions. I enjoy reading those, too, as do readers of this blog who have taken the stroll over to his blog.)

For additional inspiration throughout the week, I would point out two sets of blogs: (1) the list of devotional blogs on my sidebar and (2) my blogroll, where I am following a number of inspirational priests and writers about spiritual matters. I learn so very much from all these people. I highly recommend them to you.

Spiritual Sunday #36: Touch IV

2011-11-20T23:26:00.000-08:00

For more Spiritual Sunday posts, I recommend that you wander over to the website of Charlotte and Ginger, who host the Spiritual Sunday meme.

Because I do not blog on Sundays -- keeping it as the sabbath, a practice started by Fr. Christian Mathis (Blessed Is the Kingdom) -- I use older posts (forgotten perhaps but hopefully still interesting) from one or another of my blogs that seem appropriate for this meme. It seems to work to bring out the older posts that many have not read before or ones from other blogs I maintain that readers of 100th Lamb may not know about.

This week I decided to share another post from the early days of my Modern Mysticism site: Touch IV, from March 2010.

Wishing you a peaceful Sunday!

Monday Morning Meditation #103: On Not Understanding

2011-11-14T00:23:00.000-08:00

I have now finished the Book of Daniel. Amazing, the number of visions and dreams he had and moreover was able to interpret. I rarely remember any of my dreams, and when I do, they seem to be pure nonsense. (I suppose Freud might have some idea about how to interpret them -- whether correctly or incorrectly would be another story.) One might envy Daniel's ability at dream interpretation, but then one must consider that Daniel had some divine help. Therefore, I found some great relief when I read verse 8 of the last chapter (chapter 12) of Daniel: "I heard but I did not understand."

Reading: Daniel 12:8

Meditation: When I first came to faith, I wanted to know everything. I tracked down books on apologetics, the catechism of the church, the mystics, and anything else that would explain "everything" to me. It took me some time before I understood that there is much that I cannot understand, will not understand, and should not understand. Accepting not understanding was one of the hardest things ever for me to do because I am a scholar by nature. Initially, I resisted the thought that grace alone is enough, faith alone is enough, trust alone is enough, and that knowing why is not essential. Over time, I have become more comfortable with not knowing. It is like a child's seesaw: as one side goes up, the other comes down, as trust in God goes up, the need to know everything comes down. Being grounded in not knowing I now understand to be a good thing.

Contemplation: That is far as I can go with you this Monday morning. I now retire to private prayer to praise God for His grace and to thank Him for teaching me how to trust without understanding. I will ask forgiveness for those times that I have resisted not knowing and insisted on an answer "why" -- which I did not get, anyway (and should not have). I will also ask God to continue to build my trust and my willingness to accept without knowing; somehow I think God likes to honor those kinds of requests. Then I will move on to contemplation, my favorite part of the day, letting God take over the direction in which my relationship with Him moves.

I will leave you now to your prayer and contemplation. First, though, I would like to bring to your attention a Monday morning prayer post that you might enjoy:

Fr. Austin Fleming, priest of the Archdiocese of Boston and pastor in Concord, Massachusetts, posts a prayer each Monday morning that he calls "Monday Morning Offering." I enjoy his prayers very much. I think you also will find them inspirational. He has graciously given me permission to include a link to his blog on my Monday Morning Meditation posts. (During the week, he also posts great homilies and other thoughtful discussions. I enjoy reading those, too, as do readers of this blog who have taken the stroll over to his blog.)

For additional inspiration throughout the week, I would point out two sets of blogs: (1) the list of devotional blogs on my sidebar and (2) my blogroll, where I am following a number of inspirational priests and writers about spiritual matters. I learn so very much from all these people. I highly recommend them to you.

Spiritual Sunday #35: Touch

2011-11-13T21:17:00.000-08:00

For more Spiritual Sunday posts, I recommend that you wander over to the website of Charlotte and Ginger, who host the Spiritual Sunday meme.

Because I do not blog on Sundays -- keeping it as the sabbath, a practice started by Fr. Christian Mathis (Blessed Is the Kingdom) -- I use older posts (forgotten perhaps but hopefully still interesting) from one or another of my blogs that seem appropriate for this meme. It seems to work to bring out the older posts that many have not read before or ones from other blogs I maintain that readers of 100th Lamb may not know about.

This week I decided to share another post from the early days of my Modern Mysticism site: Touch, from March 2010.

Wishing you a peaceful Sunday!

On Selling Everything

2011-11-08T23:09:00.000-08:00

At a retreat I attended last summer on St. Francis and Franciscanism, the question came up of the vow of poverty as taken by St. Francis and his followers. This is one of three vows that today's followers of St. Francis are asked to take, the others being a vow of charity and a vow of obedience. The Bible verse that came up was the following rather well known and often cited verse from Matthew (9:21), in which Jesus responds as follows to a wealthy young man who asks what he must do to be deserving of eternal life:

"Go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me."

There were a number of wealthy people at the retreat. In fact, probably only those individuals with some money could have afforded to attend the retreat. This particular verse created some consternation with them until the priest who led the retreat interpreted the verse in a way that they found comfortable to accept, and one in which I have seen it interpreted on a number of occasions, a non-literal interpretation. To support the priest, here are a couple of other sources that use the same interpretation.

From the Corporation Sole: A person who has been initiated into a Religious Order may take a vow of poverty at any time during their membership in the Order. The vow of poverty is not to be interpreted as being for ever poor, but rather to sharing everything in common. Those who embrace a vow of poverty do not claim private ownership of any possessions: everything they have is used for the common good of the Religious Order.

From a Secular Franciscan website: Poverty was another thing that worried me when I was first discerning a call to the Franciscans. The example of Francis was one of total financial poverty... I later learned ... that one could live in spiritual poverty while being financially wealthy.

I did not say anything because my reaction was diametrically opposed to the interpretation of the others. After all, Matthew tells us that the young man went away sad "because he was wealthy." It seems, then, that perhaps a literal interpretation would not be inaccurate, and certainly St. Francis interpreted the passage literally. Yet, our retreat priest supported the view of the secular Franciscan above although it would have been interesting to see how he might have reacted to my experience for, you see, I have done this literally.

At the retreat, I said nothing, following my father's guidance that it is better to be silent and let people think you are a fool than open your mouth and prove it. So, I simply listened to the scads of people, most of the 60 there, who did have something to say, all of it along the lines that while St. Francis may have interpreted it literally, (1) we really cannot do so today and (2) the passage was never meant to be interpreted literally.

How sad, I thought, as I recalled my experiences with the literal interpretation and the intense pleasure and sheer joy that came from it.

A little over ten years ago my husband, Donnie, and I sold or gave away everything we owned. All our fledglings had grown up and in one fell swoop had flown from our nest to new nesting places of their own. Our 13-room house, with its suite of empty bedrooms, required dusting and cleaning for no occupants and with no extra hands to help. Further, I enjoyed little time at home because of an international consulting job that came me up in the air most of the time. If I were to have any income at all, I had to spend many days each month on a plane.

So, we decided to buy a fifth-wheeler RV and park it on a river in a wilderness area -- which brought us lots of excitement whenever the river flooded -- and planned to travel the country in between consulting jobs as soon as we could afford to buy a hauler for it. We never were able to buy that hauler, however; the kids always needed something, and we had old debts to pay. Three years later, when I was offered a job in Jordan, we gave the RV to a neighbor and moved to the Middle East.

In 2000, to return to my original story, we had 13 rooms of goods to unload. Nearly nothing would be needed for the RV -- just a few personal items, such as a minimum amount of clothes for work and play, and some work items, such as our two computers. That was it. There was room for nothing more.

So, we told our children that they could take whatever they wanted from the family heirlooms and any other treasure trove they saw lying around our large house, and they did. Surprisingly, there were no disagreements among them as to what each took.

Then I had to do something with my 5000 books (yes, I have typed the correct number of zeroes there). Being an academic at the time, I looked upon my books as my personal treasure. Letting go of them was particularly difficult. However, I ultimately found a very enjoyable way to do so. I contacted friends all over the world who ran libraries or training programs in need of books, offering the books for free if postage were reimbursed. My books went to programs as diverse as Harvard University and an English Teachers' Association in Uzbekistan. The rare books I had collected from Siberia I sent to the Slavic Library at the University of Illinois; books there do not circulate, and so I knew I would be able to visit my books again were I ever to need to use them (I have not had that need in the last ten years). With Lizzie being a graduate student there and my having led summer workshops there, finding my way onto campus and into the library would not be difficult.

We held a yard sale for the remaining items. Some sold; many did not. Then, we opened our house to a neighbor who collected items for the impoverished communities in the Philippines. He rented a large u-haul, and off went everything else!

It was quite a liberating experience, and we have not felt the need for "things" since. We took nothing except four suitcases to the Middle East -- mostly clothes and work equipment (especially Donnie's electronics). We brought nothing back from the Middle East when we returned to the USA in 2006 except for those same clothes and electronics. (Oh, and, of course, the cats that we rescued there.)

There is something magical about letting go of everything. Letting go and giving away worldly possessions creates a different and more important kind of wealth. That is what I think Jesus was telling the young man who, like many modern wealthy folks, just did not want to hear it. So, irregardless what the retreat priest told us, irregardless how some, perhaps most (?), secular Franciscans interpret the "vow of poverty," and irregardless of how anyone might prefer to treat Jesus's words metaphorically, like St. Francis, I plan to continue taking them literally.

Monday Morning Meditation #101: Not By Our Hand

2011-11-07T00:13:00.000-08:00

Reading through the book of Daniel, I simply had to stop at the powerful dream that Nebuchadnezzar had. Personally, I never remember my dreams, but I do doubt that any of them have been prophetic ones although I do know that God, over the centuries, has communicated with people through dreams (seemingly far more often than through locutions, which is my more common, although rare, experience). So it is even more fascinating for me to read about a dream as highly prophetic -- and initially difficult to understand -- as Nebuchadnezzar's. Here is the dream, as reported to Daniel by King Nebuchadnezzar:

"I looked, and there before me stood a tree in the middle of the land. Its height was enormous. The tree grew large and strong and its top touched the sky; it was visible to the ends of the earth. 12 Its leaves were beautiful, its fruit abundant, and on it was food for all. Under it the wild animals found shelter, and the birds lived in its branches; from it every creature was fed.

In the visions I saw while lying in bed, I looked, and there before me was a holy one, a messenger,coming down from heaven. He called in a loud voice: ‘Cut down the tree and trim off its branches; strip off its leaves and scatter its fruit. Let the animals flee from under it and the birds from its branches. But let the stump and its roots, bound with iron and bronze, remain in the ground, in the grass of the field. Let him be drenched with the dew of heaven, and let him live with the animals among the plants of the earth. 16 Let his mind be changed from that of a man and let him be given the mind of an animal, till seven times pass by for him.

The decision is announced by messengers, the holy ones declare the verdict, so that the living may know that the Most High is sovereign over all kingdoms on earth and gives them to anyone he wishes and sets over them the lowliest of people."

Reading on, one finds Daniel's interpretation of this dream. King Nebuchadnezzar was the tree. He had become powerful. More important (or more distressing), he had become proud that his kingdom extended so far in all directions, and he did not glorify God adequately for this but held some of the praise within for himself. So, God's plan was to humble him by sending him out into the fields to live with the wild animals like an animal until such time that his pride was relinquished and he knew the overwhelming power of the Lord.

And this is precisely what befell Nebuchadnezzar. He found himself living among the animals until he had been humbled, after which his royal entourage found him and returned him to his throne, a humbled and grateful man.

Reading: Daniel 4

Meditation: This dream of Nebuchadnezzar hit home for me. I have often felt -- and said -- that it is difficult to integrate worldly success with spiritual humility. Possible with the help of God, yes, but, oh, so difficult because it is so tempting to assume that one is a "self-made person" and that one can go it alone. After all, in American society, at least, we encourage people to move up the ladder, so to speak, and we praise self-made people. Being motivated by the rung of the ladder and the praise of men, however, take us far from those fields of wild animals where God would have us understand who is great and who is small, who is important and who is not, who is to be glorified and who is to do the glorifying.

On a daily basis, this is brought home to me. As a very senior manager, even though I am in a position where God intended me to be, I have moments of assuming that I can personally make decisions -- and, my goodness, those decisions are almost always flawed in some way, or if not flawed, then not nearly as insightful and good as they could be. On the other hand, when I do take these to God in prayer before jumping to some human conclusion and when I do give credit to its rightful Belonger, that is, when I do realize who is in charge and how little I personally contribute, then things work out amazingly well, better than anything I could possible plan or enact.

Some time ago, I wrote a couple of posts about the price of success and how my division would be dismantled in two years, with me reporting to a new person brought in as a layer between me and the highest level of management to whom I now report. With God's help, I had put aside all concern about that plan, not without great effort at subduing the pride that said, "hey, I created this success, let me have it; don't pass it along to someone who did nothing for it." God showed me, though, that this was not the right attitude, and with some help from God -- an evening walk here and there, a prayer now and then, I was able to reconcile myself to reality and eventuality. However, over the next two years, things have changed, and the plan has been scrapped. So, too, has been my undue pride. So, while the threatened intermediary never showed up to change my status in the human world, God changed it in the spiritual world. I have found that I like it better that way -- and if some intermediary ever does show up (looks pretty doubtful given the current economic climate), it won't matter because anything I have created was with the help of God, supervisors and employees. I would very much hesitate now to take credit for any of it. I prefer instead to join Nebuchadnezzar in glorifying God.

Contemplation: That is far as I can go with you this Monday morning. I now retire to private prayer to praise God for all the reasons I have to glorify Him. I will thank God for His lessons, and I will ask forgiveness for those times that I have been slow to learn them. I will also ask God to continue to give me those lessons in humility that I so much need. Then I will move on to contemplation, my favorite part of the day, letting God take over the direction in which my relationship with Him moves.

I will leave you now to your prayer and contemplation. First, though, I would like to bring to your attention a Monday morning prayer post that you might enjoy:

Fr. Austin Fleming, priest of the Archdiocese of Boston and pastor in Concord, Massachusetts, posts a prayer each Monday morning that he calls "Monday Morning Offering." I enjoy his prayers very much. I think you also will find them inspirational. He has graciously given me permission to include a link to his blog on my Monday Morning Meditation posts. (During the week, he also posts great homilies and other thoughtful discussions. I enjoy reading those, too, as do readers of this blog who have taken the stroll over to his blog.)

For additional inspiration throughout the week, I would point out two sets of blogs: (1) the list of devotional blogs on my sidebar and (2) my blogroll, where I am following a number of inspirational priests and writers about spiritual matters. I learn so very much from all these people. I highly recommend them to you.

Spiritual Sunday #34: Voice III

2011-11-06T17:33:00.000-08:00

For more Spiritual Sunday posts, I recommend that you wander over to the website of Charlotte and Ginger, who host the Spiritual Sunday meme.

Because I do not blog on Sundays -- keeping it as the sabbath, a practice started by Fr. Christian Mathis (Blessed Is the Kingdom) -- I use older posts (forgotten perhaps but hopefully still interesting) from one or another of my blogs that seem appropriate for this meme. It seems to work to bring out the older posts that many have not read before or ones from other blogs I maintain that readers of 100th Lamb may not know about.

This week I decided to share another post from the early days of my Modern Mysticism site: Voice III.

Wishing you a peaceful Sunday!

Hugging God

2011-11-01T23:11:00.000-07:00

A few nights ago, I was walking and talking with God when an overwhelming desire to hug God passed through me. Well, you know, we humans are physical beings, so why would we not want to have some kind of physical contact with the supernatural if we are programmed for physical contact with the natural? So, I expressed that desire: "I would really like to hug You!"

That Voice that I hear upon occasion responded in a surprising way: "Hug My people!"

Well, maybe, on second thought, that is not so surprising at all. After all, God is within each of us.

I think I will right away start doing a lot of hugging of God!

Monday Morning Meditation #100: The Value of Vegetables

2011-10-30T23:32:00.000-07:00

Oh, my goodness! As I typed in the title for this post, I realized that it is #100, exactly. It seems pretty amazing that 100 weeks have passed since I have begun writing this column. It is especially amazing because I still have only scratched the surface of all the wonderful information, stories, advice, guidance, direction, etc., that one finds in the Bible. I do apologize for the late posting of this MMM. It is no longer morning. Doah stayed overnight last night, and his hyperactivity kept my attention riveted to matters that do not require quiet concentration.

Now, back to this week's reading. Having completed Ezekiel, last week, I moved on to Daniel. Not that I worked very far through that book...I stopped on the very first chapter on the story of Daniel and his friends choosing to be fed vegetables and water over the royal food and wine offered to them and ended up healthier than their peers at the royal table.

Reading: Daniel 1

Meditation: One could read this story from a literal point of view or from a metaphorical point of view. I read it from both.http://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gif

Likely in the days of Daniel, medicine was not advanced enoughttp://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gifh to know the value of fruits and vegetables over red meat and more popular foods. So, it is interesting to read that somehow Daniel trusted to plain food associated with a simple life. Today we would not be surprised to find that as a result Daniel and his companions were healthier than those who opted for the foods that were high in fat and cholesterol.

Similarly, one might look at a "simple" life versus a "royal" life. While riches (like royal food) might be "tasty" (attractive), they are not spiritually healthy for us -- as we are frequently told throughout the Bible, especially by Jesus in the gospels; simplicity and poverty (like vegetables), as those who have followed in the path of St. Francis and others like him have learned, are healthier.

So, I guess the take-away is what our mothers have always told us. We need to eat our vegetables!

Contemplation: That is far as I can go with you this Monday morning. I now retire to private prayer to praise God for demonstrating to us and telling us in so many ways throughout history that we should concentrate on eating our vegetables and not on the fancier fare of life. I will thank God for giving us vegetables, and I will ask forgiveness for those times that I have bypassed the vegetables and reached for the cordon bleu. I will also ask God to continue to guide me in the decisions I have to make on a daily basis on how simple or complex I make my life. Then I will move on to contemplation, my favorite part of the day, letting God take over the direction in which my relationship with Him moves.

I will leave you now to your prayer and contemplation. First, though, I would like to bring to your attention a Monday morning prayer post that you might enjoy:

Fr. Austin Fleming, priest of the Archdiocese of Boston and pastor in Concord, Massachusetts, posts a prayer each Monday morning that he calls "Monday Morning Offering." I enjoy his prayers very much. I think you also will find them inspirational. He has graciously given me permission to include a link to his blog on my Monday Morning Meditation posts. (During the week, he also posts great homilies and other thoughtful discussions. I enjoy reading those, too, as do readers of this blog who have taken the stroll over to his blog.)

For additional inspiration throughout the week, I would point out two sets of blogs: (1) the list of devotional blogs on my sidebar and (2) my blogroll, where I am following a number of inspirational priests and writers about spiritual matters. I learn so very much from all these people. I highly recommend them to you.

A Great Beginning

2011-10-25T09:58:00.000-07:00

On the way to work last Friday morning, I stopped off at the local 7-11 store to pick up some flowers for employees to celebrate their recent accomplishment. As I was looking at the flowers, I saw a mother and her young son (perhaps age 7) walking out of the store and overheard their conversation.

Son: "I really don't like this breakfast sandwich."
Mother: "I know you don't, but it was the cheapest one, and you need something."
Son: "OK. I really wanted the other one."
Mother: "The other one costs 71 cents more, and I only have another quarter."
Son: "It's okay, Mom. I can eat this one."

The store owner/manager overheard the conversation, too, and called out to the couple, "Ma'am, please come back. I will sell you the other sandwich for 25 cents."

The mother and son came back. The exchange was made, with smiles all around. Then, saying good-bye, the mother and son left the store.

As the door swung shut, the little boy put his foot in it, turning around, and called out to the owner/manager in a loud voice, "THANK YOU!"

I think everyone in the store that morning experienced a great beginning to their day.

Monday Morning Meditation #99: The Ezekiel Experience

2011-10-24T09:24:00.000-07:00

Apologies for missing last Monday Morning's Meditation. (I wonder if anyone noticed!!) Unfortunately, I had a blood pressure urgency and ended up all morning at the medical clinic. My BP rose sharply overnight to 208/117, and this was with medication, not without it. Doctors do not like BP in that range, so I had to spend time with a doctor who kept scratching her head because she could find no reason for the BP, which was registering the same on her cuff as on mine. (I have had these peaks come for a couple of weeks at a time, then totally disappear and be perfectly flat with mild medication for a couple of years, then another two weeks of nonsense. The doctor finally just doubled the med and sent me home. The peaks continued until yesterday; the amount of meds did not seem to matter. Now, back to normal. Dunno how to interpret any of that. Nothing in my behavior -- eating, stress level, etc. -- has changed. Anyway, so for the long diversion. Now, back to Ezekiel, which I did finish this week, ending with a strong curiosity as to why God gave all these specific design instructions if the temple described was never built.

Reading: Ezekiel 45-46

Meditation: I have recently experienced what I might describe ashttp://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gif an Ezekiel experience. Or rather, a combined Jeremiah/Ezekial experience. I have described it in pieces on both on this blog and, in more detail, on Modern Mysticism (the Goliath stories). It also forms one of the stories in my latest book, A Believer-in-Waiting's First Encounters with God. It appears that God gave me to take on the task of bringing to light the evil roaming through our local chapter of the Secular Franciscan Order. No matter how I did it (obviously, not with the greatest finesse), I would come off as nutty at best and carpy at worst. Finally, having spent a great amount of time recently in prayer and discernment, I felt (hopefully, correctly) that God was not asking me to stay any longer with the SFO, and I so I left, as I also related on these pages.

After leaving, I made one last effort to point out the problem of evil to the council, the result of which was that the head of the council, called the "minister", who is part of the problem, gave orders that no one was to talk to me again. (Shades of a children's club!) However, one of the council members came to me in secrecy and told me that she had observed everything that I warned about but did not feel strong enough to fight against. (This is a new council; the previous council saw quite clearly what I had seen and been told to state overtly, but they are now being ostracized because of the formation director, who, in my observation and the observation of several who have left formation because of uneasy feelings -- a sense of the unholy -- appears to be the conduit for the evil; the minister is quite taken with him, unfortunately.) So, like Exekiel, I ran around, saying "bad things are happening; there will be repercussions," while contemporaries were saying, "isn't life hunky dory?", i.e. telling people the nice things they preferred to hear.

Now, as with Ezekiel, nothing seems to have changed -- no temple built, no evil conquered. Being human, I wonder why God put me in this awkward position vis-a-vis peers. That there is evil in the organization, there is little doubt. I no longer have to rely on God to point it out; a number of people have approached me now that I have spoken out, discussing in confidence their uncomfortable experiences, which they have put up with because they believe in the values of St. Francis and hope that this will pass. What I hope (and assume) is that God will send another. I do not believe that God ever abandons anyone to evil who loves God.

Sometimes I wonder if I was too fervent in my taking on this task. On the other hand, Jesus was never gentle with evil, and I think it is reasonable to use Jesus as a model in such cases.

The lesson, I suppose, is one I will only learn over time. I have found that taskings given to me are not only tasks for helping others, but they are also lessons for me -- often in how well or poorly I carry them out, but also the outcome is often surprising. As in this case, where there does not seem to be an outcome (yet).

Contemplation: That is far as I can go with you this Monday morning. I now retire to private prayer to praise God for His constancy in being with us, directing us while not encroaching upon free will, loving us. I will thank God for this task even if I do not understand why I was given it and do not see a positive (or any) outcome, and I will ask forgiveness for any and all mistakes I made in carrying out the task. I will also pray for the spiritual safety of all the good people who remain in the organization. Then I will move on to contemplation, my favorite part of the day, letting God take over the direction in which my relationship with Him moves.

I will leave you now to your prayer and contemplation. First, though, I would like to bring to your attention a Monday morning prayer post that you might enjoy:

Fr. Austin Fleming, priest of the Archdiocese of Boston and pastor in Concord, Massachusetts, posts a prayer each Monday morning that he calls "Monday Morning Offering." I enjoy his prayers very much. I think you also will find them inspirational. He has graciously given me permission to include a link to his blog on my Monday Morning Meditation posts. (During the week, he also posts great homilies and other thoughtful discussions. I enjoy reading those, too, as do readers of this blog who have taken the stroll over to his blog.)

For additional inspiration throughout the week, I would point out two sets of blogs: (1) the list of devotional blogs on my sidebar and (2) my blogroll, where I am following a number of inspirational priests and writers about spiritual matters. I learn so very much from all these people. I highly recommend them to you.

A Prayer for Bahrain

2011-10-11T00:49:00.000-07:00

Some things just do not make the news, yet they should. Much of what I find out about what is really going on in the world comes from friends living in those locations. Such is the case with Bahrain, which was in the news a number of months ago for the demonstrations at the Pearl Roundabout, a beautiful monument that was nonetheless torn down in a symbolic act by the government to put an end to dissent. That hope, however, was clhttp://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gifearly not realized, as ongoing disturbances prove.

I would like to share a letter I received from a friend two days ago and to ask for your prayers for Bahrain. Here is the letter:

"Bahrain is heading back toward another meltdown! Things must be getting bad again as for the first time since June the tanks have rolled back into town. Yesterday I witnessed the tanks trundling down the highway by my house, and one had parked itself right at the entrance of the village. The strategic placement of these monsters must be a sure sign that all is not well even though there has been no public news about it. (I think the country has managed to keep its’ internal news very much under wraps, especially given that anyone resembling a reporter has been stopped from entering the country.)

The weekend would have once again not looked out of place on a Hollywood war movie set. Friday the entire Budaiya area (and surrounding regions up to Seef mall- for those not familiar with Bahrain that would be a huge area coverage [from Falmouth to Truro at least]) was shut down due to a large funeral procession of someone who had died the night before in clashes. The air was thick with tear gas, chants, and anger. Riot police ran down from fly-over highways onto other mains roads, scattering the children and adults are they attempted to kidnap yet another roundabout. Shots fired into the air in an almost synchronized fashion, led by the uniformed sergeant who could have passed for an orchestra’s conductor. People young and old managed to block main highways/motorways; children put up barrier blockades and sat on roundabouts turning motorists back with aggressive waves of their arms, which were decorated with metal pipes. The unfortunates such as myself who were stuck in our cars on these roads were being frantically sent in all directions by police who were trying desperately to get us out of the areas, unfortunately often being sent in the direction of yet another blockade.

I see no hope, no change for the better. This is our Palestine.

Please do find some time to say a prayer for the conflicted (and, in some cases, frightened and other cases, angry) nation of Bahrain.

Monday Morning Meditation #97: "They Will Know That I Am the Lord, Their God"

2011-10-10T00:07:00.000-07:00

I missed a few sessions of our Bible Study class during my recent travels, but I was not concerned because typically we cover only 2-4 chapters of a book in any given session. Since I am currently reading Ezekiel for morning meditation and we are also reading Ezekiel in class, I figured I was well ahead of the curve in spite of missing a few sessions. So, imagine my surprise when I showed up last week, finally back in town, to learn that my class was on the exact same chapter I was reading!

The next chapter stopped me: Chapter 39. In it, God tells Ezekiel the various punishments he will wreak so that His people will know that He is the Lord. The phrase is repeated over and over, "and they will know that I am the Lord."

Reading: Ezekiel 39.

Meditation: There are some events, stories, and emotions in the Bible (Old Testament and New Testament)that evoke visceral reactions (at least, for me). God's constant having to show us that He is God because we keep turning away from Him is, to me, sad. Who are we to consider that anything that might interest or intrigue us could possibly be more important than we to God and God to us? We have been given so much, including knowledge beyond what was originally intended, yet have little gratitude? Man historically has worshiped other gods, which, it seems to me (but what do I know?), at least a tiny tad bit better than being an atheist who worships no gods at all. The fact that God keeps trying to get our attention (and certainly He dramatically got mine when I was being totally oblivious) says a lot about God's love for us. Why can't we love Him the way He wants to love us? (That's a question to which I don't have an answer!)

Contemplation: That is far as I can go with you this Monday morning. I now retire to private prayer to praise God for His constancy in His love for us. I will thank God for coming after His lost sheep and for giving us a second chance, third chance, fourth chance, and I will ask forgiveness for the need for all those chances. Finally, I will ask God never to stop reminding me that He is Lord (although I do hope that I will not need many reminders). Then I will move on to contemplation, my favorite part of the day, letting God take over the direction in which my relationship with Him moves.

I will leave you now to your prayer and contemplation. First, though, I would like to bring to your attention a Monday morning prayer post that you might enjoy:

Fr. Austin Fleming, priest of the Archdiocese of Boston and pastor in Concord, Massachusetts, posts a prayer each Monday morning that he calls "Monday Morning Offering." I enjoy his prayers very much. I think you also will find them inspirational. He has graciously given me permission to include a link to his blog on my Monday Morning Meditation posts. (During the week, he also posts great homilies and other thoughtful discussions. I enjoy reading those, too, as do readers of this blog who have taken the stroll over to his blog.)

For additional inspiration throughout the week, I would point out two sets of blogs: (1) the list of devotional blogs on my sidebar and (2) my blogroll, where I am following a number of inspirational priests and writers about spiritual matters. I learn so very much from all these people. I highly recommend them to you.

Spiritual Sunday #33: Ordinariness

2011-10-09T10:33:00.000-07:00

For more Spiritual Sunday posts, I recommend that you wander over to the website of Charlotte and Ginger, who host the Spiritual Sunday meme.

Because I do not blog on Sundays -- keeping it as the sabbath, a practice started by Fr. Christian Mathis (Blessed Is the Kingdom) -- I use older posts (forgotten perhaps but hopefully still interesting) from one or another of my blogs that seem appropriate for this meme. It seems to work to bring out the older posts that many have not read before or ones from other blogs I maintain that readers of 100th Lamb may not know about.

This week I decided to post something from the early days of my Modern Mysticism site: Ordinariness.

Wishing you a peaceful Sunday!

Hug My People

2011-10-08T19:12:00.000-07:00

Recently at Mass, as sometimes happens, a strong sense of God's presence pervaded the church. I was basking in that feeling of love, togetherness, gentleness, mercy, etc., etc., when from out of nowhere, I suddenly felt an overwhelming desire to hug God. Now, I know that sounds quite nonsensical, but, you know, there are times that one feels so close to the Divine that not having the physical connection develops a strong desire, almost an ache, for that kind of connection. Of course, I thought, that is not possible; that is not something that I can have.

But then, don't we frequently want what we cannot have? I have become somewhat better in recent years at matching my wants to my needs and identifying the difference -- something my grandson Nathaniel is pretty good at based on his comment to his Aunt Lizzie who said she needed coffee and he corrected her, "No, you want coffee" -- but there are still times when the match is just not there.

So, there I was at Mass, wanting to hug God and expressed that thought silently. To my surprise, I got a response: "Hug My people!"

Ah, how simple! (And yet we don't often think of it, do we?)

Have a happy weekend, filled with hugs!

7 Quick Takes Friday #66

2011-10-07T22:44:00.000-07:00

See more 7 Quick Takes Friday contributions at Jennifer Fulwiler's Conversion Diary.

It is truly incredible how quickly time can pass nearly unnoticed. That is what has happened with the quick takes series. When I looked at my last post, it was from the end of July! Really? Two months seem like merely two weeks. Well, since those two months have seem some extensive activities, let me move away from activities and pick just a few to share, seven actually.

1. One of the most interesting trips I have had in this four-month period was to Nebraska where I met with our branch there. One of our specialists, whom I have sent to Afghanistan for consulting several times now, introduced me to his sister, and we all went to dinner, where the most incredible story of their escape from Afghanistan was shared. If any of you have read the Kite Runner, you would have found many details familiar because of the great similarity between the stories. It is simply unbelievable what people have had to go through in order to escape from Afghanistan over the border to Pakistan and then onward. (Those whose stories I know, of course, went onward to the USA.) Most unbelievable is that the father of my employee went back to Afghanistan when President Kardezai came into power to help the new government. He holds a high post; therefore, for his safety I can give no more specific details. All I will say, then, is that there are people who have challenges in this life, and then there are people whose challenges are so extreme as to appear somehow to be beyond life.

For those with an interest in the challenges of living in Afghanistan and leaving Afghanistan, there is a great but haunting movie, called Kandahar. The movie is about a Canadian-Afghani woman who is trying to reach Kandahar to help her sister, who is severely depressed by the events taking place there. I don't want to give away the ending, so I will say no more than that it is worth watching, very information (a semi-documentary), but with a heart-rending ending.

2. In August, I tripped to Washington, DC, for two different business events. While I cannot go into details of either business event, since both events were closely associated with US government affairs, I can say that one meeting took place at the Pentagon. For some reason, the general who was leading to the meeting decided that he liked me, and after the meeting, he asked me, "Do you want to see a really cool room?" Well, who could say no to that? The room he showed me is one that appears in movies from time to time (in which the directors guess at what it might look like). The directors have portrayed it in such interesting ways that now the Pentagon has hired one of them to redesign the room in keeping with the movies! (Life is stranger than fiction sometimes.)

3. The very next week, I ran back eastward almost to the same location: Baltimore, Maryland. There we had a meeting of all our branch managers. The last time we all met (we do this twice a year) was in Hawaii. At that time, there was an earthquake in Japan that, as you probably all recall, resulted in a tsunami there and in Hawaii. If you remember the third week of August in the Washington-Baltimore area, you will probably recall that on Tuesday there was a historic earthquake that caused both damage to building and concern to individuals. (In California, earthquakes are business as usual, but not so on the East Coast.) Then, at the end of that week, Hurricane Irene arrived. We all wondered how much of this was really only coincidence -- where we all meet, the earth unsettles itself. Hm...our next meeting is to take place in Texas in the spring. Flash floods or tornado? I wonder which it will be!

4. A really unique thing happened in early September. Donnie and I took our first vacation in years and years. We decided to visit my relatives in Maine. Unfortunately, my brother, Keith, with whom we had planned to stay, was sent by his employer on business to California (not far from where we live) the very same week! We ended up staying at St. Anthony's Franciscan Monastery, a truly inspirational place, in Kennebunkport, Maine, not far from all my relatives. While there, we took the cog railway to the top of Mount Washington in NH, home to the world's worst weather (a mild day when we were there: winds at 83 mph, 28 degrees, moderate sleet, and covered in clouds -- of course, it was only the beginning of fall; there is plenty of time for the weather to grow its normal worse). On a different day, we took the sunset cruise on Lake Winnipesaukee with a friend from my high school graduating class. Of course, we also got to to visit scads of relatives, eat a wicked amount of lobster (including lobster rolls, lobster pizza), and spend hours with a "lost" GPS in the backwoods. I also enjoyed the early morning Masses each day before we set out for one or another point. Ironically, we never made it to the beach even though we were walking distance away! Go figure!

5. On the way home, we spent a day in Boston. (We flew into and out of Logan Airport there.) En route to Boston, we stopped in Boxford and had lunch with another high school chum, who had married and moved to that area. It was great fun, catching up on a couple score of missed years. Then, in Boston, we picked up our older daughter, Lizzie, in town from South Carolina for a conference and met a common friend from Colombia for dinner at the harbor. We stayed just a couple of miles away from the restaurant, but our GPS took us on a two-hour (!! no exaggeration !!) drive to get there. Fortunately, we had left significantly early, but we arrived significantly late. Our friend explained to us why a GPS works so poorly in Boston: all the underground roads really confuse it because it keeps losing the satellite signal. All is well that ends well. We got back to Lizzie's hotel and our hotel easily by turning off the GPS and using our friend's written directions.

6. I no sooner got back home than I had to take off for Madrid, Spain, where I had some business to take care of. one of my employees (a Spanish speaker, yes!) came with me, as did the director of another division. We met with counterparts in Toledo (and learned the supposed origin of the expression, holy Toledo), an immensely beautiful city that looks today much like it was portrayed by El Greco. We also met counterparts in Alcala, childhood home of Cervantes, creator of Don Quixote. And, of course, we did spend some time in Madrid, where, on a positive note, I was able to attend daily Mass and experience some of the local Spanish dialect, and where, on a negative note, my credit cards were compromised and had to be replaced. (I won't go into that story; it was rather annoying.)

7. I just got back and, surprisingly, was fortunate enough to be able to get today off from work. (I have a lot of annual leave that I have to use before the end of the year, so I am looking forward to some more leave some time this month, work permitting.) It being First Friday, I spent the day at our local St. Francis Retreat Center, where Fr. Philip did a beautiful lecture, Mass, and contemplative session and where I got to spend time with friends who regularly attend First Friday. So, while the week has been hectic, the ending was calm and peaceful. A great way to start the weekend.

I wish you a pleasant weekend, as well!

Believer in Waiting

2011-10-06T23:13:00.000-07:00

My second spiritual book is out! The title, as you can see, is A Believer-in-Waiting's First Encounters with God. I will try to post some excerpts here from time to time. (Actually, I have already posted some excerpts from the draft on my Modern Mysticism blog.) The first set of books will be going to reviewers who signed up with Library Thing, but I notice that Amazon has been quick off the start and already has it available for ordering. I hope that anyone who reads either the book or the excerpts will enjoy reading them as much as I enjoyed writing them. It was one of those books that seems to write itself. I do hope to have copies of my own in about a week, at which time I will host a book coming out party for local friends who read the prepublication manuscript and provided feedback. If you read it, I would love to hear your feedback!!

Monday Morning Meditation #96: On Being Good Caretakers

2011-10-03T06:00:00.000-07:00

I am very, very happy to be back home from Madrid. While I had good job-related accomplishments there and enjoyed seeing three different cities -- Madrid, Toleda, and Alcala, stolen credit card numbers (not sure from which merchant because that information is held confidential) plagued me. Fortunately, Master Card International was on top of it all, and only one of the numbers had been used; that was a purchase that the card company declined because they had the card being used in Texas and Madrid on the same day! Smart card company -- although they thought Madrid was the fraudulent use when it really was Texas.

Well, back to the task at hand, I have continued on in Ezekiel, but not far. The verse that caught my eye, Ezekiel 36:5, is probably one that seems odd and not very full of meaning. However, if you put it into a larger context, there is considerable meaning. Here is the verse:

"This is what the Sovereign LORD says: In my burning zeal I have spoken against the rest of the nations, and against all Edom, for with glee and with malice in their hearts they made my land their own possession so that they might plunder its pastureland."

Reading: Ezekial 36:5
Meditation: It seems to me that the message that can be gleaned from this passage is so simple as to be profound. The land we live on is not ours; it is God's for the giving and the taking. If we live on it, we should take care of it, and we should share it.

Last February, we bought a house. it seemed to fall into our hands. We had not planned to buy a house, but our landlord decided to sell the one we were living in and asked us if we wanted to buy it. We learned the price, and while fair, our thought was that if we were going to buy a house, we should look for one a little larger. The rental was a two-bedroom in a historic district. Since Donnie used one bedroom for an office, guests had to sleep on our couch. If we bought this particular house, we could not modify it because it was historic. So, we looked for 3-bedroom houses in the same price range.

That is when in our very first gander at Internet listings, we saw the house we bought. In fact, it was the only house we looked at. It had five (!) bedroooms, sat on top of a hill overlooking town and yet within walking distance of the mission and downtown, and had been recently remodeled -- all for the same price as the two-bedroom house we had been renting. Not planning to buy, we had not saved up a down payment. No problem. I had a 30-year-old VA loan that had never been used, and those do not require down payments. Further, when I looked in the files, which have been moved from hither to yon over the last 30 years, the eligibility certificate was right on top! It seemed that this house was to be ours.

I have been very aware since moving here that this house is God's as much as mine, and the doors are always open to all. We have had been events here, beginning with the house blessing which was open to all in town. At that event, someone told me that this used to be a million-dollar house (I can see that), and that no one was invited to visit. Well, we have changed all that. We have a guest room for out of towners, prayer group movie nights meet here, and others who want to come, just do so. We are not owners; we are just God's caretakers for the time that we are allowed to be here.

Contemplation: That is far as I can go with you this Monday morning. I now retire to private prayer to praise God His great kindness in giving us, His tenants, a great land to live on. I will thank God for the latitude we are given to take care of His property. I will ask God to remind me of my "proper" role should I ever think that I, not God, am the owner of anything. Then I will move on to contemplation, my favorite part of the day, letting God take over the direction in which my relationship with Him moves.

I will leave you now to your prayer and contemplation. First, though, I would like to bring to your attention a Monday morning prayer post that you might enjoy:

Fr. Austin Fleming, priest of the Archdiocese of Boston and pastor in Concord, Massachusetts, posts a prayer each Monday morning that he calls "Monday Morning Offering." I enjoy his prayers very much. I think you also will find them inspirational. He has graciously given me permission to include a link to his blog on my Monday Morning Meditation posts. (During the week, he also posts great homilies and other thoughtful discussions. I enjoy reading those, too, as do readers of this blog who have taken the stroll over to his blog.)

For additional inspiration throughout the week, I would point out two sets of blogs: (1) the list of devotional blogs on my sidebar and (2) my blogroll, where I am following a number of inspirational priests and writers about spiritual matters. I learn so very much from all these people. I highly recommend them to you.

Spiritual Sunday #32: Whom One Finds in Heaven

2011-10-02T02:32:00.001-07:00

For more Spiritual Sunday posts, I recommend that you wander over to the website of Charlotte and Ginger, who host the Spiritual Sunday meme.

Because I do not blog on Sundays, saving the Sabbath for Mass and rest, I usually refer readers to a post from the past. However, this Sunday, someone sent me a great story from the Internet that seemed just as good as using an old post and perhaps more interesting since it is fresh. Here it is:

I was shocked, confused, bewildered
As I entered Heaven's door,
Not by the beauty of it all,
Nor the lights or its decor.

But it was the folks in Heaven
Who made me sputter and gasp
-- The thieves, the liars, the sinners,
The alcoholics and the trash.

There stood the kid from seventh grade
Who swiped
my lunch money twice.
Next to him was my old neighbor
Who never said anything nice.

Bob, who I always thought
Was rotting away in hell,
Was sitting pretty on cloud nine,
Looking incredibly well.

I nudged God, 'What's the deal?
I would love to hear Your take.
How'd all these sinners get up here?
You must've made a mistake

And why is everyone so quiet,
So somber - give me a clue.'
'Hush, child,' He said, 'They’re all in shock.
No one thought they'd be seeing you.'

JUDGE NOT!! Remember...Just going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in your garage makes you a car. Every saint has a PAST... Every sinner has a FUTURE!

I kinda thought that had a lot to say to all of us! Have a peaceful Sunday!

A Nice Discount

2011-10-01T01:20:00.000-07:00

While waiting for my plane to leave the San Jose airport recently, I arrived earlier than usual and found myself with an hour to spare and the need to acquire some small gift to take to the staff at our San Antonio branch, to which I was traveling. So, I dropped into the Discover store at the new and improved Terminal A. (It really is improved: wi-fi is available for free throughout the airport, and every seat has a plug. You can tell you are in Silicon Valley. I like it!)

At the Discover store, I found products from an interesting new firm: Tom Ranch. At least, it is new to me, and I am fairly familiar with companies that sell California souvenirs since I am always needing souvenirs for our distant branch personnel. There were some suitable gifts: chocolate-covered cherries, chocolate pistachios, and wine-infused chocolates in pill-box-shaped containers. Intriguing. I settled for tea chocolates in an eyeglass-holder-shaped tin.

As I was browsing, the sales clerk, who had recently transferred to this store, struck up a conversation. I had time, and there were no other customers. So, we chatted a bit. When I had selected the gifts I wanted, he asked if I were military. I told him that I am no longer a member of the Armed Forces but do work with the military and shared that I was actually on my way to an air base, which housed our organization's local branch.

When he rang up my order, he proudly announced that he was giving me a 33% discount, which made the cost of my few gifts very affordable.

"Do you want to see my government I.D.?" I asked him.

"No," he answered. "I am not giving you a military discount. I am giving you a higher discount -- for being nice."

Cool!

Two Wolves

2011-09-29T07:52:00.000-07:00

From the Internet -- I have heard this one before but don't think I have shared it before. So here you go, for some reading pleasure.

One evening an old Cherokee Indian told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people. He said, ‘My son, the battle is between two ‘wolves’ inside us all.One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego. The other is good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.’

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: ‘Which wolf wins?’

The old Cherokee simply replied, ‘The one you feed.’

I wanted to include a beautiful image, drawn by another blogger, but I have not yet heard whether she is willing for me to put it here, so I will send you to her site and her rendition of the two wolves in story and picture.

Monday Morning Meditation #95: Let Us Not Gloat

2011-09-26T00:11:00.000-07:00

I am not certain, sitting here in Madrid, Spain, when Monday Morning will hit the rest of the world. I just know that is already upon me albeit the wee hours of the morning. Nights last long here. After an evening Mass, with yet a later one to come in the little church with the intensive Mass schedule across from the hotel where I am staying (Hotel Husa Princesa), a colleague and I went to dinner. By the time we made it back it was already midnight, but little had shut down -- just the normal Sunday closures had taken effect. So, I guess if I attend tomorrow night's Mass also, it will still be morning in the US. Since my body does an immediate adjustment when I travel, I always feel the local time and am confused about the time back home unlike most of my colleagues who experience the opposite phenomenon.

Well, down to the nitty-gritty, I am continuing on in Ezekiel even while in Spain. It keeps me current with my Bible Study group while away since Ezekiel is the book of study this fall. The verse that caught my eye and got me thinking this week was Ezekiel 35:15:

Because you rejoiced when the inheritance of Israel became desolate, that is how I will treat you. You will be desolate, Mount Seir, you and all of Edom. Then they will know that I am the LORD.

Reading: Ezekiel 35:15.

Meditation: I have had occasion to watch others gloat over someone's hard luck, especially if it is someone whom they dislike or envy. Where else did the expression, "it serves him [her] right," come from if not from rejoicing over someone else's desolation. I know occasionally when I see someone who has caused me difficulties fall into difficulties of their own, I am tempted to say, "hah, it serves him [her] right," but I do know that we are not the ones to judge what another deserves. (Just think about we each deserve -- I think I would prefer grace to getting what I really deserve.) And I recall God telling me that my abusive mother "lives in grace," which initially angered me in what I perceived as its unfairness until I realized that grace is God's to give and not mine to decide who deserves it. (Sort of reminds one of the workers who started to work in the last hours of the harvest but got paid the same as the others.)So, now, I really try, when I see someone who "got what they deserved," to ask him/her how I can help with the current difficulty. Often, I can, and when I do, I feel a whole lot better seeing someone in better shape than I would feel from gloating about someone in bad shape.

Contemplation: That is far as I can go with you this Monday morning. I now retire to private prayer to praise God for the examples given to us in the New Testament of how to think about situations of fairness. I will thank God for the latitude we are given to react in ways that help both us and those in trouble grow in compassion and gratitude. I will ask to remind me of Divine mercy when I am tempted to take the path of the gloating sinner, and I will repent any times I have done so. Then I will move on to contemplation, my favorite part of the day, letting God take over the direction in which my relationship with Him moves.

I will leave you now to your prayer and contemplation. First, though, I would like to bring to your attention a Monday morning prayer post that you might enjoy:

Fr. Austin Fleming, priest of the Archdiocese of Boston and pastor in Concord, Massachusetts, posts a prayer each Monday morning that he calls "Monday Morning Offering." I enjoy his prayers very much. I think you also will find them inspirational. He has graciously given me permission to include a link to his blog on my Monday Morning Meditation posts. (During the week, he also posts great homilies and other thoughtful discussions. I enjoy reading those, too, as do readers of this blog who have taken the stroll over to his blog.)

For additional inspiration throughout the week, I would point out two sets of blogs: (1) the list of devotional blogs on my sidebar and (2) my blogroll, where I am following a number of inspirational priests and writers about spiritual matters. I learn so very much from all these people. I highly recommend them to you.

Monday Morning Meditation #94: The Lord As Israel's Shepherd

2011-09-19T00:07:00.000-07:00

Donnie and I have returned from a week's peaceful vacation at the Franciscan Guest House at St. Anthony's Monastery. I had plans of writing a post a day, but somehow that never materialized. Between visiting family and childhood friends living in the environs of Kennebunkport, Maine and spending time at Mass and on the grounds of the monastery, I found little time for more than contemplation -- or, perhaps, it would be more realistic to say that I spent a week being lazy with God.

Arriving home this weekend, I continued to dig into Ezekiel . There were many verses that caught my eye and could have served as food for thought (well, actually, they did). However, it was not until I reached chapter 34 that the words seized me, requiring that I share them with you. In chapter 34, God declares that He himself will become the shepherd for Israel, other shepherds having failed in the task.

Reading: Ezekiel 34.

Meditation: These words rang home sharply because yesterday I withdrew from the Secular Franciscan Order. It was not an easy decision and had a little to do with evil influences infiltrating our chapter and region, and I have blogged about this in detail before, perhaps ad nauseam as I was discerning whether to stay (see Goliath). After much prayer (probably better described as nagging God), I finally got an answer, but not the one I expected. The answer was that I was to leave -- immediately. It was a sudden change and took more than a few people, including me, by surprise. I cite below the contents of the letter I shared with the members of the SFO in my parting (note the quite coincidental use of the verb shepherding and the concept of God as shepherd, or primary teacher, validated only after the fact when I read Ezekiel 34 this morning. The letter is a bit long for a post, but, I believe, is self-explanatory, so I shall include the whole thing. (The purpose, or task, referred to is the one described in the posts on Goliath.

Dear SFO Members:

It is with mixed feelings that I bid you adieu for the decision has not been made by personal desire but through obedient volition. I am pleased that God has allowed me to be with you as you have journeyed into the Franciscan way of life although I personally have not been on a journey but rather have been developing intimacy with God in a dimension where I am learning that we travel farthest when we do not move at all. God had a purpose in directing that my life intersect yours, and I have been extraordinarily blessed to know that purpose and to know you. My being here was never about me nor was it about my becoming Franciscan for I do not relate to God nor God to me in the way the SFO formation program dictates. Nonetheless, I will continue to share devotion to poverty, charity, obedience, and joy, which took root in my soul long before I knew about a saint called Francis. I am now being shepherded into another realm of God’s kingdom, not unlike what happened with Habakkuk: Divinely picked up by the hair and set down someplace else.

I have chosen continued submission to the will of God, Who gives us times to pray in groups and times to pray alone, times to offer formulaic prayer and times to listen in silence, times to affiliate and times to question affiliations. God calls us to communion in ways beyond our understanding but not always beyond our knowing. “Be with Me” is the call I received. God did not say “study,” “formate,” “grow,” “journey,” or “join.” God said “be.” I don’t know what “being” entails; God will reveal what I need to know as I need to know it. I do know that this is a time for me to become uneducated, put aside the desire for human knowledge, and, abandoning myself to divine wisdom, let God be my teacher.

Among the many graces God has accorded this unworthy servant has been the opportunity to associate with the SFO for the past four years. I am grateful that many of you will remain in my life through other worship communities for I love all of you. Many of you have also loved me. Some of you have tolerated me. A few of you have shown me unusual mercy. I honor each of you as a tender part of God’s great creation. May God grant you the peace in your acceptance of the Franciscan Rule that I have felt in accepting God’s invitation to “be.”

Yours in prayer and peace,
Beth

Contemplation: That is far as I can go with you this Monday morning. I now retire to private prayer to thank God for bringing this particular period of discernment to a clear close. I will praise God for the variability He allows us in our worship. I will ask God for greater clarification of the next steps (if any) to be taken and will try to temper my impatience while waiting for that clarification, and I will repent any ways in which I failed God in the SFO-related tasking He gave me two years ago as well as any inadvertent hurt I inflicted on any individuals while carrying out that tasking. Then I will move on to contemplation, my favorite part of the day, letting God take over the direction in which my relationship with Him moves.

I will leave you now to your prayer and contemplation. First, though, I would like to bring to your attention a Monday morning prayer post that you might enjoy:

Fr. Austin Fleming, priest of the Archdiocese of Boston and pastor in Concord, Massachusetts, posts a prayer each Monday morning that he calls "Monday Morning Offering." I enjoy his prayers very much. I think you also will find them inspirational. He has graciously given me permission to include a link to his blog on my Monday Morning Meditation posts. (During the week, he also posts great homilies and other thoughtful discussions. I enjoy reading those, too, as do readers of this blog who have taken the stroll over to his blog.)

For additional inspiration throughout the week, I would point out two sets of blogs: (1) the list of devotional blogs on my sidebar and (2) my blogroll, where I am following a number of inspirational priests and writers about spiritual matters. I learn so very much from all these people. I highly recommend them to you.

Monday Morning Meditation #93: Tell What You Have Been Told to Tell

2011-09-12T08:59:00.000-07:00

I am pretty lazy this morning about writing the Monday Morning Meditation. It is an amazingly peaceful and relaxing morning. I did get up early to attend the 7:30 Mass at St. Anthony's Monastery, which is the story of my life this week (sorry that I have been missing the 7 Quick Takes Friday posts -- I have been traveling nearly constantly). I had set up a trip to NH for this week, related to a mission of mercy, which I cannot do here after all but which I can do long-distance. Go figure! I was going to stay with my brother in Wells, Maine since I always do that when I come home to New England, but he was sent this very week to California (my current abode). Go figure! So, I looked for an adequate substitute online and found this marvelous monastery, founded by Lithuanian Franciscans, and a Franciscan Guest House on its grounds, where we are staying. After returning from Mass and breakfast, I dug into Ezekiel further since I had made it only as far as the first verse of the first chapter last week. Chapters 1-3 are fascinating, and I am happy that we will be reading them soon in our Bible Study Group. While I have focused on verses 20 and 21 of Chapter 3, all of Chapters 1-3 is needed to understand them in context.

20 “Again, when a righteous person turns from their righteousness and does evil, and I put a stumbling block before them, they will die. Since you did not warn them, they will die for their sin. The righteous things that person did will not be remembered, and I will hold you accountable for their blood.
21 But if you do warn the righteous person not to sin and they do not sin, they will surely live because they took warning, and you will have saved yourself.”

Reading: Ezekiel 3:20-21.

Meditation: I have no idea how people can interpret these strange visions that have appeared to the prophets throughout history. I had difficulty interpreting even the one, relatively simple, vision that was presented to me (see Goliath). It took months, someone else's help, and, finally, a locution. Ezekiel did, indeed, get some words to follow the vision, which helped him understand better.

The words are about telling people what God had said to tell them. More important, as one can see from the verses above, they are about obedience. The Israelites had ended up in their dire circumstances, taken from their promised land by the Babylonians, because they had been disobedient. God is now not only sending a warning to them but is also telling Ezekiel that he must deliver the message or be held accountable for not doing so.

Those verses took me back to my Goliath dilemma. I certainly did not want to deliver the message. I am sure, that my having done so, brought about in the minds of some the judgment I had wanted to avert: thinking of me as crazy. After all, it does sound a bit nuts to say to anyone, "God told me to tell you X." My son, Doah, does this frequently -- and I am sure, being as open as he is, he does get tasked -- but since he is mentally retarded, he is already labeled and does not know to worry about being labeled crazy. Maybe I should put all my education aside and become comfortable with Doah's approach. I think God sometimes can work with simple people much more easily than with complex ones because we latter put up all manner of barriers.

Contemplation: That is far as I can go with you this Monday morning. I now retire to private prayer to thank God for giving me the fortitude to deliver a message that made me uncomfortable. I will praise God for the many ways in which He prepared me for doing that. I will ask God for greater discernment at times of His tasking, and I will repent for any and all hesitations I have had and barriers (I think, only temporary) I have put before Him. Then I will move on to contemplation, my favorite part of the day, letting God take over the direction in which my relationship with Him moves.

I will leave you now to your prayer and contemplation. First, though, I would like to bring to your attention a Monday morning prayer post that you might enjoy:

Fr. Austin Fleming, priest of the Archdiocese of Boston and pastor in Concord, Massachusetts, posts a prayer each Monday morning that he calls "Monday Morning Offering." I enjoy his prayers very much. I think you also will find them inspirational. He has graciously given me permission to include a link to his blog on my Monday Morning Meditation posts. (During the week, he also posts great homilies and other thoughtful discussions. I enjoy reading those, too, as do readers of this blog who have taken the stroll over to his blog.)

For additional inspiration throughout the week, I would point out two sets of blogs: (1) the list of devotional blogs on my sidebar and (2) my blogroll, where I am following a number of inspirational priests and writers about spiritual matters. I learn so very much from all these people. I highly recommend them to you.

On Feeling Rich

2011-09-06T01:00:00.000-07:00

I woke up this morning, feeling like a princess. I had a sheet underneath me, a sheet over me, a blanket on top of that, and then, riches of all riches, a fluffy bedspread to snuggle into. Ever since purchasing a new bed in early July and moving our old bed into the empty bedroom for Doah and guests, we have had only a blanket on top.

I have hankered after a bedspread not because it is the commonly accepted way to finish a bed -- everyone knows I am eccentric, anyway, so having a blanket was sufficient in many respects: warmth, covering, etc. No, I just wanted a bedspread the way children want a ball or candy or something special. For me, the bedspread was special.

Certainly, with my income I can afford a bedspread. But there is an odd thing about my income: it disappears rather quickly. (I suppose I am not unique in that way.) First, there is Shane who needs $300 a month for special milk for Nikolina who is missing most of her intestines. Then there is Lizzie and her cat, who seems to need surgery periodically. Then Doah and Noelle, who needed scads of money to pay for medical expenses as children but need little these days, are always happy to have a small gift. And that's family. After that, there is Sula, the parish cat, who needs surgery -- I promised God's credit card in support of that cost. And the mission and the retreat center and other charities. And, the most fun of all, nearly every day someone who happens into my life who needs the money more than I do. After all, I need little and, surprisingly, I find myself post-conversion wanting little. I enjoy sprinkling my income around in this way, but somehow it did not leave any extra for a bedspread the past two months.

Until I got my recent travel reimbursement and per diem and found that I had spent considerably less on eating than my office thought I should have. Yippee! Bedspread money!

There is something special about waiting. There is something special about wanting. Instant gratification does not compare with the richness of want deferred or potential want gratification given away to someone else.

Yes, I feel rich with my new bedspread. However, I feel even richer each time I am able to take money from my pocket and give it to someone who needs it more.

(Also posted on Clan of Mahlou.)

Monday Morning Meditation #92: Seeing Visions

2011-09-05T09:37:00.000-07:00

OK, so it is not Monday morning any longer in the most eastern parts of the US, but I managed to just get up on this fine holiday morning in California. After all, I rarely get to sleep in, and I truly enjoyed it this morning. Wishing all of you a happy Labor Day. After putting my feet on the floor as a result of the cats' insistence that I was really acting too much like a spoiled princess, I turned my thoughts to the MMM, and here I am. I have passed through Lamentations. It is just too good a morning to write about sorrows. I am not a sorrowful type person, anyway. I appreciate the good things that happen to me. As for the bad, well, that's life. I make the best of them that I can, and, with God's help, some of the bad turn into pretty good and even very good. So, instead of spending more time lamenting, I pushed on to the book of Ezekiel, where the very first verse seemed to be a great stopping place and worthy of meditation:

"In my thirtieth year, in the fourth month on the fifth day, while I was among the exiles by the Kebar River, the heavens were opened and I saw visions of God."

I stopped at this verse, which would seem to be incomplete without reading the rest of the story, because I cared less about the content of the vision than about the fact of the vision. Manifestations by and from God have intrigued -- and troubled -- me on a number of occasions since my conversion, which began with a manifestation (hierophany).

Reading: Ezekiel 1:1.

Meditation: Upon a number of occasions, I have been told by one supposedly knowledgeable person after another that God does not talk to ordinary people. One well known priest in southern California, who led a retreat I attended about St. Francis, went so far as to say that St. Francis was mistaken, that he did not really hear a voice, that this was a thought welling up from within him. He had no comment about the locutions received by St. Teresa of Avila, but I suppose he might have said the same. Fortunately, the priest to whom I had turned when I first received a locution disagreed with this southern Californian priest. I suspect, though, based upon the lay people and the religious whom I have encountered in the past five years that only a very small minority believes that God ever really talked to people and that in those cases it was only the Israelis of yore.

So, that, at time, causes me to ponder the issue of my own sanity. Then, something comes along to provide evidence that this was not a thought welling within me -- on most occasions, it would not be possible since the locution providedhttp://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gif information I had no way of knowing. (See, for ehttp://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gifxample, Voice VI on Modern Mysticism.) It also helps that Fr. Thomas Dubay, before his passing, wrote a wonderful book, Authenticity, in which he discusses locutions, touches, visions, and more, and that he responded to a letter in which I described my experiences, indicating that he thought that they were probably authentic. What has helped even more was a comment I read in some book (wish I could remember which one) that contended that God has not stopped talking to His people; we have just stopped listening.

I would suppose that one could say the same thing about visions. God has not stopped sending visions to His people; we have just stopped seeing.

Contemplation: That is far as I can go with you this Monday morning. I now retire to private prayer to thank God for seeming insanity of what comes my way -- the visions and the locutions. I will praise God for the greatness of His love that He continues to trust me with these things even though each and every time I question them. I will ask God for greater trust and greater discernment and will repent for those times I have had too little of each. Then I will move on to contemplation, my favorite part of the day, letting God take over the direction in which my relationship with Him moves.

I will leave you now to your prayer and contemplation. First, though, I would like to bring to your attention a Monday morning prayer post that you might enjoy:

Fr. Austin Fleming, priest of the Archdiocese of Boston and pastor in Concord, Massachusetts, posts a prayer each Monday morning that he calls "Monday Morning Offering." I enjoy his prayers very much. I think you also will find them inspirational. He has graciously given me permission to include a link to his blog on my Monday Morning Meditation posts. (During the week, he also posts great homilies and other thoughtful discussions. I enjoy reading those, too, as do readers of this blog who have taken the stroll over to his blog.)

For additional inspiration throughout the week, I would point out two sets of blogs: (1) the list of devotional blogs on my sidebar and (2) my blogroll, where I am following a number of inspirational priests and writers about spiritual matters. I learn so very much from all these people. I highly recommend them to you.

Spiritual Sunday #31: Voice

2011-09-04T23:00:00.000-07:00

For more Spiritual Sunday posts, I recommend that you wander over to the website of Charlotte and Ginger, who host the Spiritual Sunday meme.

Because I do not blog on Sundays -- keeping it as the sabbath, a practice started by Fr. Christian Mathis (Blessed Is the Kingdom) -- I use older posts (forgotten perhaps but hopefully still interesting) from one or another of my blogs that seem appropriate for this meme. It seems to work to bring out the older posts that many have not read before or ones from other blogs I maintain that readers of 100th Lamb may not know about.

This week I decided to post something from the early days of my Modern Mysticism site: Voice.

Wishing you a peaceful Sunday!

No One Wins a War

2011-09-03T09:41:00.001-07:00

They USA proudly states that it won WWII. Korea, too, although it seems that the no-man's zone and current situation would indicate that perhaps no one won. Vietnam? Well, that was considered a conflict, not a war, so there was no way to lose that. Iraq and Afghanistan, dunno what we consider them at the moment -- stomping grounds for chasing terrorists or purported terrorists or suspected terrorists? I sometimes get closer to these wars than I would like (or than might be healthy), and I keep meeting friends, not enemies.

As a veteran of the Cold War, I benefitted from Russia allowing me to finish my doctorate in Moscow when work obligations kept me from fulfilling the residency requirement in the USA. At my dissertation defense, I thanked the university, saying that twenty years earlier I had come to the USSR to lohttp://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gifok upon the face on the enemy with my own eyes but in twenty years had found only friends. After the Cold War, when providing some assistance to the Belarus Academy of Sciences, I had dinner with the vice president of one of the universities. He turned out to be my counterpart: he had been a Red Army officer, specializing in American order of battle, at the same time I had been a US Army officer, specializing in Soviet order of battle. Small world! Humbling experience! We became great friends.

Whether enemies are national or personal, we lose by not knowing them as they are but as we oppose them to ourselves. Somehow, in doing that, they become large and we become small. Somehow, in doing that, we lose our humanity. It is not a win-lose situation. It is a lose-lose situation.

Please join me in praying daily for our enemies near and far:
- that God bless them twice as much as God blesses us
- that they feel God's love twice as strongly as we do
-that God teach us to love them twice as much as we love ourselves.

Maybe, then, there would be no more wars to fight, nationally or personally.

Wishing you all a stress-free, friendly day!

Monday Morning Meditation #91: Look to God

2011-08-29T00:26:00.000-07:00

This week I began reading the book of Lamentations. It is not a book that has had a strong impact on my life, except in the case of the story of Goliath, which I have related here below, when I asked God for verbal instruction and then opened the Bible to the Book of Lamentations where I did find some relevant verses. I suppose I could select nearly any verse for inclusion here since they all seem to be singularly focused on the pain felt by Israel after having been conquered, something which happened only because the majority of the population failed to heed the words of the prophet, Jeremiah, who gave the people of Israel warning and warning from God along with a description of what would happen to happen if they failed to follow God's words. Rather than focusing on God, however, they focused on themselves. Nowhere is the reason for their fate clearer than in chapter 4, verse 17:

"Moreover, our eyes failed,
looking in vain for help;
from our towers we watched
for a nation that could not save us."

Reading: Lamentations 4:17

Meditation: Of course, the nation could not save them. God could, though. But they did not look to God. They did not trust that God could or would save them. I wonder how often we try to save ourselves, waiting to turn to God until it becomes absolutely clear that we do not have the wisdom, strength, endurance, or forbearance to save ourselves. How many times do we give a problem to God and then worry about it? By worrying about it, we have essentially taken the problem back. As parents, we expect our children to grow up into full independence. At least, Western parents expect this. God, though, is a different kind of parent. God does not expect us to become independent as we mature in faith. In fact, the opposite is the case. God hopes that we will become more and more dependent as we learn that the only absolute source of safety and help is God. God is a parent like no other.

Contemplation: That is far as I can go with you this Monday morning. I now retire to private prayer to thank God for the all-the-time, no-matter-what help that is mine for the asking. I will praise God for the greatness of His love that accepts me with all my weaknesses and even loves my weaknesses for they bring me to Him. I will ask God for less independence for, if I am anything, I am an independent sort -- and have been so, according to my mother, from the age of two. Then I will move on to contemplation, my favorite part of the day, letting God take over the direction in which my relationship with Him moves.

I will leave you now to your prayer and contemplation. First, though, I would like to bring to your attention a Monday morning prayer post that you might enjoy:

Fr. Austin Fleming, priest of the Archdiocese of Boston and pastor in Concord, Massachusetts, posts a prayer each Monday morning that he calls "Monday Morning Offering." I enjoy his prayers very much. I think you also will find them inspirational. He has graciously given me permission to include a link to his blog on my Monday Morning Meditation posts. (During the week, he also posts great homilies and other thoughtful discussions. I enjoy reading those, too, as do readers of this blog who have taken the stroll over to his blog.)

For additional inspiration throughout the week, I would point out two sets of blogs: (1) the list of devotional blogs on my sidebar and (2) my blogroll, where I am following a number of inspirational priests and writers about spiritual matters. I learn so very much from all these people. I highly recommend them to you.

Soft Addictions

2011-08-24T00:48:00.000-07:00

Judith Wright has written a book, called There Must Be More Than This. In it, she describes some things one might not consider sins or addictions. She calls these "soft addictions." Examples include doing nearly anything to excess: shopping, FaceBooking, chat rooming, primping, game playing, and many more -- activities that become necessary to us and to which we lose control. For a more complete list, I recommend reading the book.

I do not have time for many of the things on Wright's list nor interest in most of the others. However, I had noticed that I had spent an increasing amount of time playing Farmville, a rather addictive game hosted on FaceBook. I had a large and beautiful American farm, which took considerable time to build, initially accomplished sitting in airport lounges while traveling (in lieu of reading, writing, or even simply praying). I had not noticed what Farmville was replacing in my life. That is the way it is with addictions. It soothed my mind, I justified to myself, and soon I had built an equally beautiful but quite different English farm. Now I had to tend my crops in both locations so that they did not die. I added buildings, built up a play-money cash reserve of millions, acquired two dogs, and was close to reaching Level 100, even sure what the significance of that might be. I barely noticed that my mind was not soothed but numbed. I reached Level 94 when I made a terrible mistake. Instead of clicking on "remove post," I clicked on "remove Farmville." I could not retrieve anything, no matter how I tried -- and I really did try.

Was it an accident? Or a Divine contrivance? I suppose I will never really know, but I am back to reading, writing, and especially praying in my "spare" time, of which I now have more. My mind is indeed soothed -- and no longer numb.

Of Gods and Men

2011-08-23T21:40:00.000-07:00

My prayer group recently watched a movie that really inspired contemplation. In English (the movie is subtitled), the title is Of Gods and Men. (If you are interested, you can watch the trailer.) In French, the original language, which I read and understand, the title is "Des hommes et des dieux" (Of Men and Gods). For some reason, I like the original title better. It is one of those rare movies that when it is over, no one has anything to say. You simply sit, reflect, and then depart, left to your own contemplation. I met one member of our prayer group the following day at noon Mass (happened to have a day off for some reason I don't recall now), and she told me that she was still in contemplation as a result of the effect of the movie on her.

Here is the description of the movie from the Amazon website:

Loosely based on the life of the Cistercian monks of Tibhirine in Algeria, from 1993 until their kidnapping in 1996, Of Gods and Men tells a story of eight French Christian monks who live in harmony with their Muslim brothers. When a crew of foreign workers is massacred by an Islamic fundamentalist group, fear sweeps through the region. The army offers them protection, but the monks refuse. Should they leave? Despite the growing menace in their midst, they slowly realize that they have no choice but to stay... come what may.

And here is a review that pretty much says all that I would say.

The monks at the Trappist monastery in Algeria seem almost to exist outside of time, so it may be a while before we recognize the 1990s as the setting for Of Gods and Men. And old traditions cannot escape new warfare in this stirring movie, based on a true story that happened at a remote enclave of peaceful, studious priests. These Christian monks minister to the largely Muslim (and very poor) villagers in their vicinity, a balance that is threatened by Algeria's Civil War. When nearby radical-Islamist insurgents begin killing foreigners, the monks must face a choice. Will they flee to safety--a perfectly rational and understandable decision that will leave the villagers without their only source of health care--or will they stay on, secure in their spiritual calling despite the possibility of abduction or murder? Director Xavier Beauvois makes an absorbing film from this question, and it's not at all difficult to understand why it became an unexpected box-office smash in France (and ended up winning the Cesar award for best film of 2010). The film is beautifully cast, and sometimes Beauvois simply trains his camera on the lined, weathered faces of his priests, as though allowing those lines to tell the story. Heading the cast is Lambert Wilson (of Matrix fame), who leads his men with an almost regal bearing, and veteran actor Michael Lonsdale, who quietly inhabits the role of the physician in the group. The film takes time out for quiet contemplation, as though understanding that the priests' suspenseful situation is only half the story. The wordless climax, which allows the men to be animated by the earthly pleasures of wine and Tchaikovsky, is something of a spiritual journey of acceptance all on its own. It's a moment you'll find very difficult to forget. --Robert Horton

The title of this post is in my opinion the core of the film's message. If you watch the movie or have watched it, you will see (or already know) the source of that phrase. I won't spoil it for anyone through explanation.

Enjoy!

Posted a few days ago on Modern Mysticism.

Monday Morning Meditation #90: God's Love Is a Stern Love

2011-08-22T01:23:00.000-07:00

Finishing Proverbs this week, I read through the entire book of Ecclesiastes. I did not stop there because I have written on many verses and chapters in that book in my book, Blest Atheist. So, I continued on to Song of Songs. During my conversion experience, I mistakenly looked into the Song of Songs when I was told to do some research about Solomon. (Yes, I know; Solomon did write Song of Songs, but it was not that information about Solomon that I was supposed to be checking out.) Quickly realizing that this was not the information I was seeking, I moved on to other books in the Bible, eventually finding what I was looking for in the book of Ecclesiastes. I had no further contact with the Song of Songs until this past weekend when my reading of it coincided with a retreat I attended on St. John of the Cross. At the retreat, I learned that St. John of the Cross was enamored with Bible was Song of Songs, and the priest who led it asked us to read this particular book as the basis for our lectio during one of our lectio divina sessions. From the entire book, the verse (or rather, portion thereof) that strikes me the most is Chapter 8, verse 8: "...for stern as death is love".

Reading: Song of Songs 8:8

Meditation: I had never conceived love as stern before, but thinking back on 41 years of marriage, I would have to conclude that I do not disagree. But this is not marital love. This is the love of God for His creation. If the Bible tells us nothing else, it tells us that God's love is stern. Not cruel. Not demanding. Not selfish. Just stern. God wants us to love Him so He can give us the expanseless love He has for us. It is the kind of stern love that a parent has for a child at varying stages of that child's development. Stern is good in my experience as a parent and as a recipient of God's love.

Contemplation: That is far as I can go with you this Monday morning. I now retire to private prayer to thank God for a love that is deep enough to be stern, repenting for any times I have chafed under the sternness. I will praise God for the greatness of His love. I will ask God for greater understanding and a willingness to comply with His stern love. Then I will move on to contemplation, my favorite part of the day, letting God take over the direction in which my relationship with Him moves.

I will leave you now to your prayer and contemplation. First, though, I would like to bring to your attention a Monday morning prayer post that you might enjoy:

Fr. Austin Fleming, priest of the Archdiocese of Boston and pastor in Concord, Massachusetts, posts a prayer each Monday morning that he calls "Monday Morning Offering." I enjoy his prayers very much. I think you also will find them inspirational. He has graciously given me permission to include a link to his blog on my Monday Morning Meditation posts. (During the week, he also posts great homilies and other thoughtful discussions. I enjoy reading those, too, as do readers of this blog who have taken the stroll over to his blog.)

For additional inspiration throughout the week, I would point out two sets of blogs: (1) the list of devotional blogs on my sidebar and (2) my blogroll, where I am following a number of inspirational priests and writers about spiritual matters. I learn so very much from all these people. I highly recommend them to you.

Monday Morning Meditation #89: Pride of Your Children

2011-08-15T11:59:00.000-07:00

Many apologies for the late posting of MMM this week. I traveled all night, ending up on the East Coast this morning. Managed to get checked into a hotel at 6 AM, but could not manage to get the Internet operational until now. (At least, it is still morning on the West Coast, my home.) During this week, I continued to read further in the book of Proverbs. I continue to enjoy the reading very much, and I continue to find much worthy of attention. I did not get very far, though -- just into the next chapter -- before I found something that really touched the core of my being as a parent. Take a look and see what you think about this verse (17:6):

Children’s children are a crown to the aged,
and parents are the pride of their children.

Reading:Proverbs 17:6.

Meditation: Let me start with grandkids. Anyone who has grandchildren knows just how special they are. The relationship is different from the relationship with one's own children but equally bonding. I remember a friend telling me when my daughter-in-law was pregnant with our first grandchild that she loved being a grandparent because you were not 100% responsible for the grandkids; you can send them home when you are worn out. I found out something different, though. I love being a grandparent because it is heartwarming watching my son, Shane (the only producer of grandchildren for us to date), be a good parent!

Now, for the second part of that verse, about parents being the pride of their children. It was interesting to see that side of things emerge over time as the children grew older. When they were younger, they always tried to protect me -- I think that had a lot to do with my ineptness in areas in which they were competent. Come to think of it, they still do it! (I must be really inept!) But the pride part came along a little later. Maybe because once you become a growingly older adult, you understand better what it is your parents did for you and in life in general and what they had to go through to make that all happen successfully.

Contemplation: That is far as I can go with you this Monday morning. I now retire to private prayer to thank God for my children and grandchildren, repenting for all the mistakes (scads) I made with them over the year and expressing gratitude for coming out of each mistake wiser and without scars. I will praise God for designing a creation that keeps renewing itself. I will ask God to watch over my children, helping them be good parents and successful (or at least, happy) adults, and my grandchildren, keeping them safe. Then I will move on to contemplation, my favorite part of the day, letting God take over the direction in which my relationship with Him moves.

I will leave you now to your prayer and contemplation. First, though, I would like to bring to your attention a Monday morning prayer post that you might enjoy:

Fr. Austin Fleming, priest of the Archdiocese of Boston and pastor in Concord, Massachusetts, posts a prayer each Monday morning that he calls "Monday Morning Offering." I enjoy his prayers very much. I think you also will find them inspirational. He has graciously given me permission to include a link to his blog on my Monday Morning Meditation posts. (During the week, he also posts great homilies and other thoughtful discussions. I enjoy reading those, too, as do readers of this blog who have taken the stroll over to his blog.)

For additional inspiration throughout the week, I would point out two sets of blogs: (1) the list of devotional blogs on my sidebar and (2) my blogroll, where I am following a number of inspirational priests and writers about spiritual matters. I learn so very much from all these people. I highly recommend them to you.

Monday Morning Meditation #88: Pride Displeases God

2011-08-08T00:06:00.000-07:00

During this week, I continued to read further in the book of Proverbs. I have started to run into some repetition among the verses. Nonetheless, I continue to enjoy the reading very much. Each pithy verse takes some time to process; so much is applicable to life today, well, to my life, for sure. In Chapter 6, I came across a short verse that deals with a problem I have been dealing with rather intensively these past two weeks and in general over the past two years. Verse 5 reads:

Every proud man is an abomination to the LORD; I assure you that he will not go unpunished.

Reading: Proverbs 16:5.

Meditation: The story is very long, but still, it is probably easier to include it in this post, as related in my forthcoming book rather than as related piecemeal over time on my Modern Mysticism blog, where I will continue with updates on the spiritual warfare saga of Goliath. I am sure, sigh, that it is far from over. In the interim, if you do not have time for a long story, skip on down to the "contemplation" section below. If you do, well, here is the story, so far:

At the time I met Goliath, I was volunteering at San Ignatio Shelter and Soup, often referred to as Triple S. Run by a Catholic non-profit foundation, Triple S provided beds and blankets to the homeless in San Ignatio, feeding them as well three simple meals each day.

Not long after I began volunteering at Triple S, Goliath came into power as my shift leader. I welcomed Goliath, hoping to learn much from him. We held, by organizational policy, informal semi-monthly meetings to discuss how we provided our services and to learn more about how others elsewhere ran shelters and food programs. I welcomed that opportunity, too. These meetings were also intended as opportunities for faith formation and confirmation; we were, after all, a religious foundation. Therefore, we always opened and closed our meetings with prayer and, considering that the nature of our work amounted to being God’s hands in that particular Salts neighborhood, often shared spiritual experiences arising from our work in addition to discussing the more mundane rules, changing city regulations, requirements imposed by our Board of Directors, and service improvements in general.

Since four of the six volunteers on our shift lived in San Ignatio, with the two others living in the next town over, I offered my modest home as a convenient meeting place. In the style into which the Russians and Arabs have trained me, I provided snacks for meetings and, I hoped, adequate hospitality.

Later, Goliath had found coming to San Ignatio on the extra occasions of the meetings to be inconvenient. Our meetings moved to his house 20 miles away in Salts. Once we were inside his spacious, rambling house, however, he oddly ushered us into a small, windowless, upstairs room for the entire meeting.

Goliath is soft-spoken and portrays himself as a good listener. In reality, he listens but does not hear. His cognitive deafness was less troublesome than his eyes. Whenever I would bring up a spiritual topic, he would look at me with vacant eyes. Later, others corroborated my experience with their own.

While the vacant eyes disturbed me on a subconscious level, I initially paid scant attention. After all, this was Goliath. He touted himself as spiritually mature and experienced. He was in training to be a deacon. Are not all such people the chosen of God? How can there be evil inside the Church, I wondered at that time. Now I have seen that where Good treads, there also hovers Evil. One may not sense the conjoining of Good and Evil because Evil cleverly and quietly awaits its opportunity.

After a number of meetings with Goliath, we volunteers started comparing notes. It seems that all of us had been perturbed by the same aspects of our meetings: formulaic prayer in limited amounts as if God's presence was not really wanted; a sense of God's absence; a feeling of uneasiness; a shared sense of Goliath as condescending and arrogant. Clearly, he did not like poor people, an attitude that extended to our entire shift since we came from a small and financially struggling Mexican-American town. In addition to volunteering at Triple S, many of our shift volunteers routinely emptied all the change from their shallow pockets into the coffers of the church or handed out their last dollar to someone on a street corner. None of this mattered to Goliath. He perhaps did not consider that the poor are also made in the image of God and that “whoever mocks the poor has contempt for their maker” (Proverbs 17:5). In fact, he seemed to despise the kinds of generosity that the spirituality of a mission town brings. All he could see was how shallow the pockets of some of our volunteers were. What oozed from deep inside him seemed to be hubris and ambition. (One is reminded of the secular ambition that confused St. Augustine, as he related in his Confessions, and kept him from God for many years.)

The travel to Goliath’s house for the team meeting strained the finances of some of our volunteers. Goliath, who could well afford to make the trip to San Ignatio, knew this but insisted that his own convenience took precedence over individual volunteers’ sacrifice. His complacent attitude, vacant eyes, and vacuous smile reminded me of the insensitive nurse in the movie, One Flew over the Cuckoo’s Nest.

At about this time, some of the volunteers began coming to me individually. Perhaps they sensed that as a manager in my professional life, I could provide some leadership skills they needed in dealing with Goliath. Perhaps it was because I drove them all to Salts. Perhaps it was all divinely motivated. I don't know. Knowing is not important.

The first to come was Eduardo. An emulatable example of humility, he scrambles to make a living. Taking time off for our distant meetings meant loss of pay, the greater distance to Goliath’s house adding up to more than an additional hour without pay. He accepted that sacrifice, but I felt it was unfair. His concern was the arrogant way in which Goliath interacted with us, as well as Goliath’s flippant remarks whenever Eduardo would relate a spiritual experience encountered while volunteering at Triple S. One can only guess at the reason for Goliath's condescension toward Eduardo—antipathy toward members of any but the upper socioeconomic classes, dislike of non-Caucasian ethnic groups, or simply discomfort with someone who is simple and close to God. The latter reason would get my vote, given Goliath’s shying away from spiritual discussions. Eduardo wanted me to go with him to talk to a priest we trusted. However, unfortunately, the priest ended up out of town for too long a period, and matters moved forward without what would surely have been a helpful consultation.

The next meeting Eduardo was unable to attend. Ditto for Nancy. So, of the four travelers from San Ignatio, Onyx and I were the only ones in the car. Onyx, also openly disdained by Goliath, likely because Onyx is a recovering alcoholic, unemployed, and still suffers from some aspects of a personality disorder, begged me to bring up the financial issues with Goliath and to ask him again to move the meetings back to San Ignatio. We all truly needed to attend team meetings and really wanted to do so, but the financial sacrifice was unbearable for most.

Unsure of how best to approach the situation, I pulled over and called my Bible Studies leader, who led a different Triple S shift. He, too, felt that I should raise the concerns to Goliath. He also felt that Goliath should be given the benefit of a doubt and a chance to rectify the problems. He offered to approach Goliath on our behalf, and in hindsight, perhaps I should have opted for that approach. However, at the time, I felt that Onyx and I could reason with Goliath. So, near the end of the meeting, I brought up our concerns.

The response shocked me. Goliath insisted that it was his right as the shift leader to have the meetings at a time and place that was convenient to him regardless of how difficult it was for others. He was the most important person in the group he repeatedly stated even though no one was challenging him over his importance. Then he suggested that if we did not like it, we could leave the foundation until we were ready to do things his way. He recommended that especially I leave. Well, there we had something to mull over.

A couple of days later, Nancy called me to find out what had happened at the meeting. Before I could tell her about the awkward discussion, she volunteered that she had not come with us because she was uneasy being around Goliath in his house. "Would you let your daughter go into his house?" she asked.

Practicing the presence of God in the vein of Brother Lawrence is something I do all the time. However, with Nancy’s question I realized the source of the uneasiness felt by all of us: God was not with us in Goliath's house. In fact, I lost the sense of God's presence when I opened the door to go into Goliath's house and regained it when I walked out of Goliath's house. What I was feeling while there, what Nancy did not want to expose her daughter to seemed to be a sense of Evil. I don't want to say that Goliath is evil since I doubt that it is so. Rather, his profound lack of humility, i.e. root sin of pride, may have allowed Evil to take up residence around him, if not within him, and lead him where otherwise he might know better than to go. Certainly, it seemed that Goliath was controlled by Evil: his spooky way of speaking in a soft, flat monotone, his empty eyes, and his avoidance of spiritual discussion (substituting for it discussions of "rules," "requirements," and his own worldly experiences). Nancy and I discussed whether or not to continue exposing ourselves to this unhealthy environment at the required team meetings.

Following this discussion with Nancy, I prayed for direction. I was puzzled by the response. A sharp image appeared before me: Jesus overturning the tables in the temple. What was that supposed to mean? I prayed again. The image repeated.

I left the question unresolved for several days, then once again turned to God for help. Again, that same image appeared. I did not know how to interpret it, and the priest to whom I would have turned was out of town. I shared it with our Bible Studies leader, but he did not know how to interpret the image, either.

That image brought not only puzzlement but also feelings of anger. They did not seem to be resident feelings but rather something that bubbled out of seeing that image. What I knew about anger did not seem to apply here. Rohrer and Sutherland in Facing Anger claim that anger represents a protestation against loss of self-esteem. Self-esteem was not at issue in the case of Goliath nor in the image of Jesus in the temple. Whitehead and Whitehead in Seasons of Strength define anger as both a feeling and a way of behaving. That latter attribute somewhat reflects the kind of anger that emanated from the temple image but still did not encompass a full explanation.

I continued to pray about the matter, and my next prayer brought another experience of the same image as well as something new: a sense of needing to do something. After all, the image and story were of Jesus doing something. So, I sent an e-note to Goliath, reiterating, perhaps too stridently—the influence of those feelings coming from the image—the requests that had been made of him at the previous meeting. He responded by phoning all the others in a divide-and-conquer, intimidate-where-possible, make-promises-in-other-cases power play that only drove them to me for help in combating what they had perceived as attempted manipulation. I wrote again and repeated, more stridently, my earlier requests and perhaps too forthrightly told him of our concerns—well, most of them: I hesitated to mention the sense I had of Evil surrounding him. Goliath continued to refuse to put anything into writing and asked for a phone call so that he could tell me how he expected me to behave. I countered by agreeing to discuss matters with him but only with all concerned present since his individual phone calls turned out, when we conferred with one another, to have relayed conflicting information. He demurred.

As a team, we decided to write a letter about our concerns to the Board of the Directors. I prayed about the letter. Again, I got the same image. Understanding by now that this was some kind of tasking being given to me but not understanding what the task was supposed to be considerably disconcerted me, and the priest to whom I would have turned was still out of town.

Nancy and I wrote the letter, trying to keep it objective, non-accusatory, and focused on resolution of the issues that were troubling us—all except the issue of evil, which probably was the core of the problem. We were hesitant to commit that to paper, but we knew we had to bring it up at some point. So, we asked for a meeting with the Board to discuss details more fully. Eduardo signed the letter but after overt intimidation from Goliath, retracted his signature.

Goliath knew about the letter to the Board because I had told him about it in an effort to be fair to him. Armed with this knowledge, he preempted action from his peers by going directly to the regional committee that provided oversight to our Board, presenting a biased case of what was going on, taking my emails but not the letter that requested a meeting with the Triple S Board of Directors and failing to disclose the content of his phone calls to others that prompted my emails. Of course, the regional committee knew nothing about the images I was receiving.

The regional committee wrote a letter to the local Board members with a cowardly cc to me, directing them to support Goliath and suggesting I be dropped from the rolls of volunteers, using a string of unflattering epithets to describe me even though they had never met me. They claim to have prayed about the matter before writing the letter, but the uncharitable words and lack of example-setting indicate to me that, like so many who ask God for help and then don’t listen for an answer, they went ahead with what they themselves wanted to do. Or, perhaps they were suffering from a form of illuminism: they considered that only they had a “special light” from the Holy Spirit and therefore they were right and I (and the other volunteers) wrong.

I assumed that deafness, arrogance, or illuminism, rather than the Holy Spirit, motivated them because it seems strange that God would have sanctioned such an ignorant and uncharitable response after having led me to do what I did. Even if I were mistaken in interpreting God’s will—which can always be the case, given that I am not capable of perfect discernment—their vicious response was not in keeping with anything biblical. As St. Paul cautioned the Ephesians, “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up as fits the occasion that it may give grace to those that hear” (Ephesians 4:29).

Perhaps God allowed them to proceed in this uncharitable manner because, in the words of C. J. Mahaney (Humility: True Greatness), “there’s truth to be gained from an enemy’s critique. Humility doesn’t demand mathematical precision from another’s input; humility postures itself to receive God’s grace from every avenue possible.” I am now willing to consider that God might have meant to teach me a lesson concurrently with sending Goliath a message, considering that I could have better heeded St. Paul’s words in my choice of words in my notes to Goliath. I can be satisfied with that possibility, even receiving the lesson with gratitude. Were I to question the value of God allowing what could be looked upon as humiliation, the words of deCaussade (The Joy of Full Surrender) would cause me to question my questioning:

Those who are enlightened by faith judge things in a very different way from those who have only their senses to guide them. . . . the soul that recognizes the will of God in even the smallest circumstances, even in those that are most distressing and fatal, receives them all with equal joy, pleasure, and respect. That soul throws open all its doors to receive with honor what others fear and fly from in horror. . . . Those who have this disposition adore God with redoubled love and respect, even in the greatest humiliation. The louder the senses exclaim, “this cannot be from God,” the closer they press this bundle of myrrh from the hand of the bridegroom.

At the time, though, when I received a copy of the letter from the regional committee, I threw I away without reaction. Not addressed to me, it proceeded from false assumptions, including the statement that I was unwilling to obey God. (In this case, I feared that they were equating Goliath with God.) I had no desire to take them to task for their harsh words or even to respond to the mean caricatures of me. Had they deigned to talk to me, however, we could perhaps have clarified this ironic misconception. I may have not done things as skillfully as someone else might have done them, but I had definitely tried to follow Meister Eckhart’s injunction that “you ought to go wholly out [away] from your own will.” Failing to put truth before convenient assumption, the regional committee lost an opportunity to demonstrate Christian charity or to engender a mathemagenic discussion on the often inscrutable will of God.

Somehow, in this tussle, the letter Nancy and I had written had become misplaced. So, there was no meeting with the Board. Nancy and I talked about walking away, but that action did not seem to be the kind of response the image I was receiving would prompt.

Then, Nancy ran into one of the Board members, Laura, in a bookstore in another city. (None of us can convince ourselves that this meeting was coincidental.) Out tumbled Nancy's concerns, to which Laura told Nancy the history: Goliath had not been their choice to be shift leader but had appropriated the position for himself in a bullying manner that left some of the Board members appalled but without recourse. At least some of the Board members were as uncomfortable in Goliath's presence as we were! Here was news!

Laura asked Nancy to convince me to call her. I called from Washington, where I happened to be at the time, and we talked for more than an hour. Encouraged, I told Laura everything up to that point, including the image of Jesus overturning tables in the temple, sharing that I just could not make any sense of the image other than the feeling that I was supposed to do something related to it. Laura had an interesting interpretation: "I think it means that God does not like evil infiltrating His organization." That was the first time that the word "evil" had been spoken. Before Laura hung up, I had promised to meet with the Board.

Long after the incident with Goliath had reached a zenith and subsided, someone pointed out to me that when Jesus called the temple a “den of thieves,” he was referring to two things. First, selling animals for sacrifices was a desecration of the Lord’s house. Second, the poor, loved by Jesus, were denigrated in the temple sales for they could not afford to buy the kinds of “nice” sacrifices that the wealthy could. The latter thought made sense when it came to the aptness of the image to Goliath: Goliath recoiled from the poor and volunteered at Triple S from a sense of duty, not from a feeling of love.

After I hung up with Laura, I complained to God: "Lord, You know that I am a verbal learner. I need words, not pictures, to understand. I will try to grow in the ways you seem to want me to, but in this case, I really need verbal input. I suppose You know that. I just want to mention it in case you might think that I am smarter than I really am."

Then I drew bath water, the remaining ritual of the day. As the water filled the tub, I debated whether to take into the tub with me a book that I was partway through reading or the Bible.

"My Word." Out of nowhere came the Voice, startling me as usual.

So, the Bible it was. I haphazardly opened the Bible and found myself staring at a passage I had never read before: Ezekial 30. As I read through the chapter, a lament for Egypt and God's threat of destruction, I saw many parallels to my own situation. Once again, a prayer had been answered. I had words, not an image—except, uh-oh, as I read, I became less certain of my interpretation. Here was a tale of arrogance punished. Certainly, Goliath's arrogance deserved to be punished, but the adjective used in the verse was "her," referring to a nation, Egypt. Now, Goliath was definitely a "he," and I am definitely a "she," but in most historical documents, nations are frequently referred to as “she.” So, confusion appeared anew.

Once again, I cried out for help in exasperation at myself for not being able to understand what was apparently supposed to be obvious. "So, Lord, whom do You see as arrogant? Me or Goliath?"

And then, once again, I heard that Voice, which I have come to love and trust, yet which causes me to jump out of my skin whenever I hear it and which almost always sets me scurrying off for help to confirm authenticity. Only this time, I was far away from home and from anyone who could help. I did, however, get an answer to my question.

The Voice said, "Let Goliath know he cannot treat My people this way." As with other locutions, every single word is seared into my memory forever.

Now that I had what seemed to be clarity, I definitely had to let Goliath know. Whatever were to happen to me or my reputation (people tend to think you are nuts if you tell them that you experience locutions), I would carry out any tasking that so much effort had gone into making clear. Although I sincerely wished I did not have to do this, it would be, as the Russians say, skazano, sdelano (literally, said-done, i.e. no sooner said than done.)

When I returned, Eduardo, laboring under the misassumption that I might stop volunteering at Triple S, asked to speak to me urgently. He told me that he had been praying about the situation and was certain that I was supposed to finish what I had started. For some reason, Eduardo thought it meant I should stay long-term at Triple S, but I understood it to mean that I was supposed to see the tasking through to its finish: discuss Goliath’s maltreatment of God’s people with the Board.

The morning of the meeting with the Board, to which Nancy, bless her soul, accompanied me, I was understandably nervous, knowing that I would have to talk about things mystical and not knowing whether the other Board members would be as accepting of them as Laura had been. Nancy and I attended the same Mass that morning. There, the person leading the choir made a mistake (or was it a mistake?) and gave the wrong page number for the last hymn we were to sing. The song we ended up singing was "Be Not Afraid." Several of the powerful images in that song brought a sense of strength, comfort, and, most important, confidence:

Be not afraid.
I go with you always.
Come, follow me.
And I will give you rest.

Nancy asked me after Mass if I had picked up on the mistake and its possible significance. Of course! I also was aware that in Biblical times a message or task sent from God was usually preceded by the words, “Be not afraid!” from the messenger. Obviously, I am not the only one to experience apprehension when greeted with divine intervention.

I found that once we were at the meeting, with Goliath present as well, I was not afraid. I did not feel alone. Of course, the support of Nancy and Laura helped, as did the clear willingness of the other Board members to listen to our concerns, especially Rebecca, who had learned in advance of our concerns through Laura. Laura and Rebecca controlled Goliath admirably during the meeting. Even more helpful, I also felt God's presence (for the first time in the same room with Goliath), and I find God’s presence an incredible comfort. I methodically explained everything that had occurred: the discussions among the volunteers, the purpose of the letters, and the image I had been seeing in response to prayers. I told the Board about my plea for clarification and God’s words to me. Then, I paused to take a breath, and looking Goliath in his vacant eyes, I said, "Goliath, you cannot treat God's people this way. God tasked me to tell you this." There, it was said!

In that moment, a strange thing happened. Goliath's face went through multiple distortions. I am not talking about him changing expressions. Rather, his physical face contorted in ways I had never seen before except in movies: fluid morphing. I wondered if I was nuts after all. However, afterward, Nancy confirmed that she had also seen the morphing of Goliath’s face. I took comfort in the fact that we both had observed this seemingly impossible phenomenon. Later, I wondered if perhaps these facial distortions were a reflection of a fight within Goliath’s soul, hopefully nothing more than a reflection of human pride and Goliath’s efforts to contain it.

The outcome was definitely worth completing the tasking. I realized that our Board of Directors does accept mystical experiences as one way God chooses to communicate with some people. Goliath began conducting meetings in San Ignatio, and another shift leader came to the meetings to mentor Goliath. The following year, Goliath decided to step down as shift leader.

Afterward, though, I questioned whether I was right in my interpretation, understanding of being tasked, and manner of accomplishing the task. I wished I had had the opportunity to take this to a spiritual advisor who could test the authenticity of what I saw, read, and heard. In the end, everything seemed compellingly clear, but I suppose that could be a deception. Others agreed with my interpretation, but that, too, could be a deception. At least, though, what I had done—properly or improperly—did lead to a good result.

There was another positive outcome: Laura, Rebecca, Nancy, and I became friends. We now meet periodically for dinner. I have been blessed with a friendship that would not have formed had I not been willing to let Goliath know he cannot treat God’s people this way.”

Just when I thought my task was complete, I realized that I had no idea how I should relate to Goliath from then on. So, I asked God what to do. In response, I heard two words that absolutely flabbergasted me: "Love him."

Thereupon popped out my usual incredulous response, “Lord, You want me to do what? You must be kidding!”

Forgive him? Certainly! But love him? After everything I had been through? Love him when I seem to have been tasked to de-claw him? Love him when he wanted me out of the way, completely gone, and referred to me only in the most scathing terms, deliberately pulling the regional committee into his camp through carefully manipulated information and Pharisaic posturing? Love him when I feel Evil pulling at him to the point that I recoil? Lord, You are indeed inscrutable! First, You tell me to take him to task, and now You tell me to love him!

If God said to love him, though, I realized I would have to learn to do that. I began to pray for Goliath. I began to hug him even though from his side the response was always a cold, mechanical, public gesture. I hope that what I give is not the same, but it is admittedly not yet some kind of passionate embrace. Lord, how do you define love?

Yes, I know, in part, the answer to this question—agape, i.e. the pure love of God for mankind, which we are called to emulate. I know, too, as St. Paul told believers in Corinth, “These three remain: faith, hope, and love; the greatest of these is love.” I know these things. Bringing them to pass within myself, however, is often beyond my capacity. For that, I have to lean on God.

What I do know for certain is that God loves Goliath, just as surely as God loves my mother, so succinctly expressed in the words, “she lives in grace.” I suppose that is part and parcel of the new covenant, a pact of love and forgiveness, embodied in the life of Jesus. While a part of me would like to judge the fairness of God’s love shining on all alike, I will not. God has not asked me to give anything that I have not received. I look forward to the day that I can enjoy the “delightful peace” that deCaussade asserts will ensue “when we have learned by faith to find God through all his creatures as through a transparent veil.”

If the purpose of the task was to change Goliath’s behavior, apparently, it has succeeded, no matter how poorly carried out. Eduardo, who continued to attend team meetings, told me that the meetings improved and that Goliath is not the same person. Praise be to God if that is true!

In hearing Eduardo’s words, I felt a rush of love for Goliath and a great gratitude to God. I can lean on God, and I can learn to love those for whom I feel no natural affinity. And even if I fumble a task, God will use my efforts somehow to bring it to the desired closure.

One underestimates the tenacity of Satan, however, at one’s own risk. Our organization recently had a change in leadership, and, apparently feeling emboldened, Goliath reverted to his old ways. Satan seems to have gifted Goliath with the charism of deception so that those who do not know him well gravitate toward his dissemblance of meekness, allowing Satan’s purposes to be accomplished. Finally, I understand, at least in greater part, what is happening in our organization and why God pitted me (and, thankfully, a few other volunteers) against Goliath. There is a serious spiritual battle going on, not only among our local volunteers but also at higher levels of leadership. Satan is using Goliath as his local champion. Why? Because he can. Just as God can use me and others like me to combat Goliath.

I also understand now why God wants me to love Goliath. Goliath is not the evil one. Rather, his overweaning pride allow him, likely unknowingly and, I would guess, not by desire, to be used by the Evil One. Clearly, loving Goliath and praying for him is critical to helping him loose himself from the bonds of Satan and to returning our organization to spiritual health.

I imagine our organization is not unique. Otherwise, I would have spent fewer words relating the story of Goliath.

Contemplation: That is far as I can go with you this Monday morning. I now retire to private prayer to thank God for trusting me with Goliath (likely along with others about whose efforts I do not know). I will praise God for all he has taught me about pride, humility, love, and sacrifice. I will ask God to teach me more for surely I will need more. Finally, I will repent of my own moments of pride, which have done no one much good, including me. Then I will move on to contemplation, my favorite part of the day, letting God take over the direction in which my relationship with Him moves.

I will leave you now to your prayer and contemplation. First, though, I would like to bring to your attention a Monday morning prayer post that you might enjoy:

Fr. Austin Fleming, priest of the Archdiocese of Boston and pastor in Concord, Massachusetts, posts a prayer each Monday morning that he calls "Monday Morning Offering." I enjoy his prayers very much. I think you also will find them inspirational. He has graciously given me permission to include a link to his blog on my Monday Morning Meditation posts. (During the week, he also posts great homilies and other thoughtful discussions. I enjoy reading those, too, as do readers of this blog who have taken the stroll over to his blog.)

For additional inspiration throughout the week, I would point out two sets of blogs: (1) the list of devotional blogs on my sidebar and (2) my blogroll, where I am following a number of inspirational priests and writers about spiritual matters. I learn so very much from all these people. I highly recommend them to you.

Spiritual Sunday #30: Stupor

2011-08-07T18:52:00.001-07:00

For more Spiritual Sunday posts, I recommend that you wander over to the website of Charlotte and Ginger, who host the Spiritual Sunday meme.

Because I do not blog on Sundays -- keeping it as the sabbath, a practice started by Fr. Christian Mathis (Blessed Is the Kingdom) -- I use older posts (forgotten perhaps but hopefully still interesting) from one or another of my blogs that seem appropriate for this meme. It seems to work to bring out the older posts that many have not read before or ones from other blogs I maintain that readers of 100th Lamb may not know about.

This week I decided to post something from the early days of my Modern Mysticism site: Stupor.

Wishing you a peaceful Sunday!

Bear Witness to the Light

2011-08-03T22:28:00.000-07:00

One of the blogs on my blogroll has disappeared. Well, disappeared may be the wrong word. The blog is still there, but no posts have been posted in nearly two months. Fr. John Sullivan, Springfield, Massachusetts, posted regularly on his blog, Bear Witness to the Light. He was a kindly priest as I found out in his responses to my occasional comments. After a full month of seeing nothing posted, I became concerned. It did not seem that someone who had posted regularly for seven years would close down a blog without a word. One would expect to at least a final, good-bye post, but Fr. John's last blog was simply a routine post in keeping with his other posts. Something seemed wrong. No matter how I added two and two, I was not getting close to four.

So, I did a little research. After all, in a former life (uh, career), I was a pretty good academic. Therefore, I know how to research. So, off I went in search of one missing priest. And I found him, well, sort of. It turns out that Fr. John was injured by the tornado that flattened Springfield in June. He suffered a separated shoulder and broken leg and required surgery. He will be in a rehabilitation facility for a while.

In addition, St. Michael's Retired Priest Residence, where Fr. John was living, was damaged by the tornado. In fact, a good part of it was reduced to rubble. So, even when Fr. John is released to another residence, there is a likelihood that he will not have a computer for a while. (Of course, this is quite secondary to his health.)

I also tracked down an address where cards can be sent:

Fr. John Sullivan
St Michaels Cathedral Rectory
86 Wendover Rd
Springfield, MA 01118

So, if you happen to also be a reader of Fr. John's blog, you might want to send a card to him! I am going to try to send this information to all his followers -- if I can track down their email addresses. I ask you to pass along the information to any of his blog followers you might know.

Whether or not you know Fr. John, have interacted with him in the blogosphere or not, I would ask you to pray for him. I am sure he can use our prayers!

posted on all Mahlou blogs